Redwood

Filmed on a potato. Written by a 5 year old. Acted by rank amateurs.

It takes 50 minutes for ANYTHING to happen. The vampires are big unscary smurfs. This will probably be the worst film I watch in 2020 and it's only 3rd January!

Redwood: A couple hiking in creepy woods, heard it before? This one has a few twists and at least it's not found footage. also there are vampires. Josh (Mike Beckingham) has leukemia so he and Beth (Tatjana Inez Nardone) decide to spend some quality time in taking in the mountain air among the tree of and trails of a National Park. They meet a rather goofy Ranger, Steve (Muzz Khan), later as they make camp they meet a more serious Ranger, Vincent (Nicholas Brendon) who warns them about unspecified dangerous wildlife. He also tells them to keep away from the" Sanatorium" ruins, apparently some folk believe miracle cures are available there ...

The location is spine-chilling at times and there are some great overhead camera shots but too much time is spent on the petty squabbling of the couple as they traverse the park. The frights when they come make up for this to some extent but the vampires look more like inbred hillbillies. Tom Patton wrote, directed and edited this just about passable Horror Film. 6/10.

This is a difficult movie to review because the description along with the opening sequence is essentially one big spoiler for the entire movie...it literally reveals the entire plot. So the actual meat of the movie is basically just a couple going for a long hike in the woods and constantly bickering until they eventually run into the aforementioned vampires.

It's a simple low budget movie but the natural beauty of the redwood forest makes for a very nice looking movie. The acting of the main cast is adequate but nothing special although early in the film there's a scene with a park ranger where the acting is particularly cringe inducing. Also the introduction of Nicholas Brendon (of past Buffy fame) was just kind of weird and poorly written. He doesn't play an important role at all, just kind of pops up out of nowhere to say his lines, act a little creepy, then isn't seen again until the end. On top of that his last line of the movie is cheesy and completely unnecessary, it seems it was included to make sure you knew they were vampires. As in he literally pops up to say "Not another vampire...". We know man, we saw it. Thanks anyway.

The biggest flaw in the movie, aside from completely spoiling the plot 5 minutes in, is the complete lack of suspense. There are no twists here, what you think is going to happen is exactly what happens and then the movie ends which is ultimately just really unsatisfying. So this movie, while it looked nice, just falls flat and honestly kinda lame. It's definitely not scary by any means. Give it a watch if you want to see a well shot but ultimately pointless movie, just don't expect much from it.

What an absolutely awful film. All those involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. It wasn't scary and the plot was terrible.

Wow...

Ranger Steve and his bizarre accent should have been a warning that this wasn't going to live up to the "Must Watch" billing this movie gives itself.

Firstly, our protagonists, Josh and Beth are easily the most toxic couple ever to share a screen. Sadly, neither one of them starts the movie as particularly likeable and both of them roll down hill from there. Clumsy exposition takes the place of believable character depiction as the writer seemed intent on reminding the viewer *EVERY THREE MINUTES* about Josh's cancer diagnosis. Nothing this pair do throughout comes even close to being understandable from the perspective of a regular, thinking human being. This pays off in the worst way imaginable at the conclusion, where I was left scratching my head about anyone's motivations. Also, Beths flip flopping between her American and Irish accents is distracting at best, mind numbing at worst.

The first two thirds of the runtime is a painfully slow trudge up a hill with this pair, where they complain at each other incessantly. I found myself hoping they might stumble upon a hungry grizzly bear who might put us all out of our misery. The third act finally remembers that this is meant to be a vampire movie and just drops them in to no apparent effect. Seriously, take the vampires out of this movie and it has zero impact on the plot other than taking away the painfully predictable post credits scene.

Feels like it was written by a high school child, but probably less entertaining that it would have been if it was.

Garbage. Avoid. Petition for its destruction.