Essex Boys: Law of Survival

So I am full of hope, the Brits made another awesome hooligan movie.

What the hell, what is this? I have questions, millions of question.

1) Is that chubby lead actor very rich? Did he buy himself a role? It can not be he was casted. Surely? 2) Why, in the opening scene, show a woman with big boobs, and then the whole movie nothing, absolutely nothing? Did they know the movie was so bad that the only way people would sit through this was the promise of massive jugs? 3) Fighting scenes. In 1960 they knew how to make the scenes better.

This movie is an insult to all those great cult movies, is an insult to acting, actors and everything it stands for. Non of these actors should ever be allowed to be on the white-screen again. Isn't there some sort of police for this? I had to create an IMDb account, just to express my disbelieve.

Let's line up the bad points about this fiasco.

1. The worst fight scenes ever. I mean ever. Three year old kids playing army are more convincing.

2. A tenuous link to a true story. VERY tenuous.

3. Acting that would shame a town hall amateur dramatics group.

4. An American accent that makes Dick Van Dyke sound like a linguistics expert.

5. Camera work of the lowest quality. Poor framing and poorer lighting. I don't believe any of these idiots have ever held a camera.

6. 90 minutes to tell a ten minute story. This could've been a short and saved us all a lot of grief.

7. Blood. Ketchup might be cheaper than stage blood. Problem is, it looks like ketchup.

Now the good points.

1. It ended.

I cannot remember watching a movie with such bad acting. With an idiotic plot, this film is a complete embarrassment to the British film industry. Believe me when I say that it is probably the worst I have ever seen. I saw that it had a 7.1 IMDb rating, and thought it might be good. How wrong I was. Hard men who are not hard. Fights that look like they are taking place in a school playground. Blood as thick as ketchup. To sum it up. This is NOT how to make a movie. I find it difficult to believe that a review on this film has to be 10 lines long. There are not enough words to describe how bad it really is. One actor whom I remember from Londons Burning, had the lead bad guy role. He won't get employment in films again. There was also a bloke with a flat cap who was supposed to be hard. He looked totally out of place with his not hard posing. Then there was the bad dying. I thought actors learned how to die on screen. These guys must have been in the pub on the day that acting school was teaching the pupils how to die. Watching this film will make you despair at the waste of money and time used in churning out this complete drivel .

To start off I am a big fan of all films old,new,bad and good....But this is just beyond belief. It is so bad I do not know where to start!!??. The acting is horrendous , camera work shocking and directing .. abysmal. I think, reading between the "lines" (lol) it was trying to be a Lock Stock Style film....but what a failure. The accents where a joke. Watch out for the amateur acting as if they are waiting for each others line and not sure whos next....poor director?

The fight scenes are farcical...note the police one at the start in the yard. I have always looked at the rating scores here for films but now I seriously have grave doubts. Every review was about 1 or 2.....one critic put it at 5 stars!...yeh right! How the hell did it get its rating of 5.5+. Lot of false reviews here me thinks. AVOID please.

oh dear.. This is without doubt the worst movie I have ever had the misfortune to watch. The plot is both unbelievable and shockingly bad. The "acting", and I use that term very loosely, is embarrassing. I swear there was no script and people were simply free styling this drivel. I can only conclude someone has got a bunch of money for this drivel and must be killing themselves laughing. Do yourselves a favor and stay well clear. Don't even watch out of blind curiosity as it is one and half hours of your life you are never getting back. You will honestly thank me for it. Someone is fiddling with the IMDb rating if this is anything above a 1.