Tonio

This movie will remind you of Nanni Moretti's " La stanza del figlio" (aka the son's room", 2001) ;both movies deal with the same tragedy ;there are many similarities between them: the father's guilty feeling,the desire to meet their late son's (female) friend -I would not say "girlfriend"-.

Like the Italian movie,I would recommend this Dutch work ,but only for people with a strong heart :who can get over such a pain,the death of an only child,age 20?

Both actors are excellent and make us feel their distress ;the tragedy happens in a Jewish family (the grandma's despair in the cemetery may hint at the horrors of WW2) but it's universal ;religion does not seem to help the unfortunate parents anyway .

Blending masterfully present and past ,the woman director tells about the father's pride to have a son:he wrote a diary about his son's life and he intended to give it to him on his eighteenth birthday -"and I did not even do it!- Feeling guilt , he wonders whether he did what he had to do for him ,if his work as a writer (the distraught grandma tells him that he lives in an imaginary world,although his books deal with true stories)took too much of his time at his son's expense (one scene in a bookshop shows father signing his books where besides him,his boy is drawing).

The scenes in the hospital are filmed with an admirable sense of propriety ,sparing of gestures and words ,avoiding any pathos.

The scene which,IMHO,climaxes the movie, in the one when the father is watching the recorded scene in slow motion and cries: "don't go!don't move forward!" ;then his wild ride on a bike on the fateful street.

A powerful work ,in which the director's restraint is to be praised.

A. F. Th. Van der Heijden is a famous Dutch writer. Several of his books are adapted to film. In 2016 there were even two films based on his writings "The fury" (Andre van Duren) and "Tonio" (Paula van der Oest).

Van der Heijden wrote "Tonio" about the death of his own child. Before I saw "Tonio" in the cinema I reviewed "Don't look now" (1973, Nicolas Roeg) on DVD.

Although both films are about the loss of a child, they are totally different at first glance. "Don't look now" has a supernatural flavor while "Tonio" is highly realistic. Not so strange when you take into account that the loss in "Tonio" is not fiction but fact.

On second glance however there are more similarities than expected. In "Don't look now" there are attempts to communicate with the dead child. In "Tonio" the dead child has a digital life that was unknown to his parents. His mobile phone still rings once in a while (do you answer these calls?). Social media shows that Tonio had two girlfriends. One girl was in love with Tonio, Tonio was in love with the other girl, neither love was completeley reciprocal (do you want to meet these girls?). Last but not least the traffic accident that killed Tonio turns out to be recorded by camera (do you want to see these images?).

At first the mother is more shocked than the father. In the hospital she almost has a nervous breakdown. Later however she is wise enough to keep the digital heritage of her son at a distance. The father however gets more and more addicted to this heritage. Feeding his grief and ultimately his madness. Another similarity with "Don't look now".

By the way the scene in the hospital at the beginning of the movie is a brilliant portrayal of desperation. The parents are shocked, have put on some clothes in a big hury and had no time to comb their hair. They are portrayed against the immaculate white of the hospital.