Santa's Knocking

I love horror movies. I even love bad horror movies. This, however, was painfully, stupidly bad.

There's no need to include spoilers in this review. If you can think of an overplayed horror movie trope, it's in there. I was bored and mostly just wanted it to end.

All Through The House is a sexually saturated, viciously gory, low budget splatterfest with some great special effects.

There's a lot of T & A in this- and even some D- but they all get pretty mutilated by a serial killer who's wearing a santa suit and wielding a set of hedge clippers.

In fact, I haven't seen so many severed penises since Kim Ki Duk's Moebius.

And not even the pets are spared.

Like I said, pretty vicious.

The killer seems to be targetting the young adult men and women of a small town, our protaganess has returned to for Christmas vacation.

Her childhood friends start dropping one by one, as she investigates the fate of the girl next door- who had inexplicably disappeared- along with her own Mother, years earlier.

It turns out that her Mother was having an affair with the neighbour's wife...and now, all their fates have become intertwined...

Because this lady is a complete psychopath.

Ultimately leading to the film's twisted conclusion.

This is low-budget filmmaking done right (especially when compared to something like The Elf).

Although the story isn't particularly well developed, it makes up for it with gore.

Rendering it a fun little holiday horror Christmas slasher, in the end.

5 out of 10.

I didn't particularly like nor dislike "All through the House". In fact, if I had to label the one sentiment I experienced most during my viewing of this film, I'd say it's 'sympathy'. Sympathy because "All through the House" is reasonably well-made and entertaining for an amateur horror movie (yes, let's face it, it remains an amateur movie). And sympathy because the film looks exactly like how any inexperienced but over-enthusiast horror director would make it.

Honestly, I don't mean for this to sound disrespectful, but "All through the House" seems made by teenagers and made for teenage audiences. This basically implies that everything is outrageous but textbook & clichéd horror guff. The killer Santa Claus wears a horrific mask and uses nasty weapons like hedge clippers. All the girls are stunningly beautiful and have big breasts. The kills are insanely gore, sadist and obsessively oriented at genitalia. The poor girls get clippers through their breasts and the men get castrated. Even the innocent creatures (like harmless pets) and defenseless people (like helpless old ladies in wheelchairs) are brutally slain. Is this juvenile approach bad by definition? No, of course not, but the aspects that truly make horror movies memorably are overlooked because of this. There isn't any suspense or atmosphere, the potentially grim background of the murderous Santa is poorly elaborated, and the anti-climax is sort of disappointing.

Just in time for Halloween comes this slasher throwback about a man wearing a Krampus costume doling out death with a pair of hedge shears. This one follows all the rules of slasherness in a campy manor from the breasts to the surreal characters to the cheesy squirting blood. A no brainer Friday night flick for sure and it keeps you laughing.

The killer liked to shear off penises (the cat gets at one of them) and I thought maybe the writer is telling us something but later you see that he literally has a bag of dicks. The end tells me a sequel is coming. There now is a new film the whole family can enjoy on Christmas Eve.

"All Through the House," written and directed by Todd Nunes, is a throwback to the 1980s slasher movies and has proved it meets all the objectives of this genre, having netted the Best Slasher award while also being voted the Audience Choice Award at the R.I.P. horror film festival held last year in Los Feliz, Calif.

The movie starts out with a simple premise. During a holiday season in Napa, Calif., a crazed person decked out in a Santa Claus outfit and wearing a hideous mask, is moving house to house and using a pair of hedge shears to slaughter victims who, naturally, are primed to enjoy some yuletide sex. As we all know, in films such as these, frisky people are doomed.

Returning to her hometown of Napa while on a holiday break from college is Rachel Kimmel (Ashley Mary Nunes, Todd's sister). Although her only family here is her wheelchair-bound grandmother Abby (Cathy Garrett), Rachel has made plans to meet up with friends Gia (Natalie Montera) and Sarah (Danica Riner) and go Christmas shopping.

Meanwhile, a neighbor is Mrs Garrett (Melynda Kiring), an ultimate tragic figure. Now living alone, Mrs Garrett has been dealing for 15 years with the mysterious disappearance of her daughter Jamie, reportedly snatched from her bedroom one night. As if this is not enough to merit her great sympathy, she seems a little off her rocker. She has several mannequins inside her home, all dressed up, and uses a couple of them as stand- ins for what used to be her family. Plus, she reenacts a dinner scene with one mannequin posing as her daughter and another as her husband. The scenario she concocts is anything but domestic bliss as she somehow feels compelled to re-experience some dark and rocky moments of her life.

Mrs. Garrett had sent Rachel a card, asking the young woman to stop by and help her finish decorating her house for the holidays. Rachel, too nice to blow this off, decides to recruit Gia and Sarah to help her assist Mrs. Garrett. Thus all the pieces are aligned for the inevitable violence that will explode upon Rachel and her pals. Meanwhile, bits and pieces of information are revealed, adding a few twists as Rachel is thrust into the Final Girl mode.

The Best Slasher nod given to "All Through the House" is well earned. The blood and gore are ample as well as particular acts of horror that will have viewers squirming. Ashley Mary Nunes delivers in the pivotal role as Rachel, the all- around sweet young woman thrown into dire situations. And Kiring nicely paces her performance.