Lycan

NOT a Werewolf Movie. That's the important thing for me here. I was expecting and trying to watch a werewolf movie. Other than that, it wasn't terrible.

There is this cable TV movie feel to it. Like a low-budget amateur vibe without the ironic cheese factor. You know you are in trouble when the opening credits have to say "Starring" before listing the cast.

The acting is college-level at its best, SyFy-caliber at its worst - not very convincing. Rather underwhelming with unstable accents and misplaced pathos. The lead actress is dreadful. Everyone seems to have taken tranquilizers every day of shooting.

The plot was a snore. Like one of the characters, I was more concerned about the jeopardy to their academic records than the supposed peril they were facing in the woods. The whole 80's thing just didn't really work. It could have been set whenever.

Oh, the score. There is this sparse piano thing THROUGHOUT the entire movie - but it is more like a touching and tender leitmotif from a sappy Hallmark or Lifetime romance story. It is so not suspense-inducing. So not horror. It really drove me nuts. Some of the songs were decent.

Overall, I didn't really like it.

The acting was atrocious as were the lines in the film. The director tried to pull off that Rob Zombie & Eli Roth thing by putting his girlfriend as the lead character but didn't work, at least Sherry Moon & Lorenza Izzo can act. A werewolf movie with no werewolves, an absolute fail. I can't believe I wasted my time on this trash. This director should just stop and go get a job delivering pizzas.

Annoying characters. The hint of a plot and underlying forces at play. And this all adds up to...nothing. College kids go into the woods to uncover the mystery around a reported werewolf attack years ago. And then the forces at play do something. I think. And it ends. I believe. But the wolves are still there. I'm guessing. If this makes sense to you, you may like this film.

The lead actress in this film gives what is perhaps the most brilliant drunken performance since W.C. Fields. Her dedication to her craft is evident all throughout, as she uses gin-infused slurring to transition seamlessly from one made up accent to the next. Unless you count slurring as a seam, I guess. And while this intoxicated performance was at the top of its game, it could not come close to matching the dedicated inebriation of the sound design team, whose ability to make the film sonic-ally assault you like a Mel Gibson antisemitism rant. I give this film eight Jagermeister shots. "COME AND GET US YOU BASTARD! I gotta pee."