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Delusional show business character Count Arthur Strong, a pompous, out-of-work actor from Doncaster, attempts to recount his life story with the help of the scholarly son of his former comedy partner.

The nativity story as told from the point of view of a young cow named Marjorie, who is bored with her small-town life in Bethlehem until she learns of a street party somewhere in town.

Barred from the café for creeping everyone out with his fortune telling, Arthur is mistaken for a spiritualist and asked to rid a haunted house of its otherworldly occupants.

Michael is called up for jury service, so Arthur rounds up some of the café regulars to go to court to make Michael's day unforgettable. Some of John the Watch's criminal associates take an interest in Bulent's.

Michael frets about the arrival of Sinem and Bulent's father. Arthur is shaken when doubts are cast upon his acting abilities, but after an accident he takes on the role of his career.

For Michael's birthday, Arthur takes him on a well-meant but disastrously cheap trip to a safari park which ultimately turns into a battle for survival.

In trying to avoid going to an audience participation laden show with Sinem, Michael instead attends Arthur's Soupover (an old man version of a sleepover) and comes to regret it.

Arthur makes some unlikely new friends while searching for biscuits, and sees his life and his luck change overnight.

Arthur attempts to build bridges with a figure from his past - John Shuttleworth. The two reflect on what might have been if their band hadn't split up. Arthur and Michael do some hustling.