Elle (ellexamines on TT & Substack)'s Reviews > The Vampire Lestat

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT POWER RANKING

18. Lestat’s random bitchy family members
Automatic dead last spot.

17. Nicolas de Lenfent
So sorry to Nicki, but he genuinely spends his entire pagetime in this series being depressed, complaining, and trying to become a vampire. Not that Daniel Molloy won’t reheat these nachos in exactly one book, but I’ve never seen a man more pathetic and wet in my life. I find this character deeply compelling but he’s last on power ranking.

16. Louis de Pointe du Lac
At the end of this book Lestat tells us that he turned Louis specifically as a reflection of his guilt over Nicolas, and, well, it shows. I think the book version of this character is meant to be an embodied philosophy moreso than a character, and thus lacks any power—he’s also a slaveowner—but he’s at least above Nicki for getting a better adaptation.

15. Bad Racial Politics
I know this is probably just that Anne Rice had never heard of the Islamic Golden Age but the idea that the first time anyone had coherent thoughts after the Roman Empire is the European Enlightenment is just truly among the top plot points dedicated to making me want to kill myself.

14. Enkil
Has no narrative purpose besides being a random guy obsessed with his wife and seconds away from killing Lestat at all times. He’s kind of like Armand in this way.

13. Marius de Romanus
Not only are you a pedophile but you’re also a boring self-absorbed racist with a whole white man’s burden thing? Pick a struggle. I can’t emphasize enough how little I care to read a man going “oh yes, the biggest regret of my life was fucking a thirteen year old at the age of one thousand, making him entirely dependent on me, turning him into a vampire, and promptly ditching him.” Well I certainly hope that’s your biggest regret. Lestat may have turned a five year old, but at least he didn’t fuck the five year old. We truly don’t talk enough about Lestat and Armand’s criminal taste in men. Elevated above Nicki specifically for wifeguyism, and for this exchange:
“Only the mortal part of you will die.”
“Bad luck. Since that’s about all there is to me.”

12. Magnus
I hate this guy, but I have to admit there’s something pretty hilarious about kidnapping a man, turning him into a vampire, giving him a million dollars, and then promptly killing yourself in front of him. It’s not powerful but it’s definitely something.

11. Mael
I know this dude only shows up for a few pages but I’m kind of obsessed with him. Show up as a Druid priest, force a man to grow his hair out, watch him turn into a vampire, leave forever. Awesome!

10. Armand
I’ve never seen a character volley back and forth between serving cunt and being wet and pathetic so quickly before. Armand’s character motivation is outwardly “someone please give me a system of belief” and inwardly “please someone love me please anyone”. He doesn’t actually believe any of what he says ever or have a particularly coherent inner philosophy, he just really desperately wants anyone to care about him. Very fascinating, not very powerful. Elevated a few points for throwing Lestat off a tower.

9. Lestat’s Lawyer
This man is genuinely braver than the troops. So sorry to him.

8. The looming shadow of Pandora
I don’t know anything about this woman but every time she’s mentioned it’s with something incredibly cool and ominous. “She’s my ex-wife and the only woman I’ve ever loved” “she’s a reincarnated older vampire” “we broke up and then I found out she’d left me a love letter but I only found it after she’d already left” “she’s a fake goddess” iconic and epic!

7. Eleni of the Theatres Des Vampires
I love this side character so much. Her stupid little nicknames for everyone? Fantastic. I know she’s probably dead but I want a book about her.

6. Lestat’s band members
Very deeply funny to have some guy show up and say “I’m a fictional vampire” and then go “hey, that’s a cool shtick, man. Want to get famous?”

5. Psychosexual Obsession
The REAL hero of this novel is, obviously, being psychosexually obsessed with your opponent in a love triangle. We should all start comparing our love triangle opponents to Eurydice, trying to fuck their exes before accidentally making said exes kill themselves, throwing them off towers before telling them that we just were upset they didn’t want to date, etc.

”It wasn't that I wanted vengeance,” he whispered. His face was stricken, his heart broken. He said. “But you came to be healed, and you did not want me! A century I had waited, and you did not want me!”

4. Akasha
Scares the shit out of me. Huge fan. God bless

3. Emotional Incest Plotlines
On a very serious level: While Anne Rice certainly has some kind of weird thing about incest, I think that the emotional incest plotline between Lestat and Gabrielle is a genuinely interesting take on what abuse does to a household. Lestat and Gabrielle are both survivors of emotional and physical abuse; as a result of the misogyny of their society, Gabrielle is cut off from support to the point where her only real joy in the world is a son who reminds her of herself. In two different ways, they’ve pinned all of their hopes on each other. It’s horrible, and really brilliant.

2. Lestat de Lioncourt
You could not have explained to me how compelling I was going to find this character — who, for what it’s worth, was by far my least favorite in the television adaptation. Lestat’s deep care for those he loves is both his greatest strength and his undoing; he is incapable of letting go without a fight, desperate to not be abandoned, and yet good at covering it with charm and wit. His narrative voice is wonderful and I found him genuinely charming to follow.

1. Gabrielle de Lioncourt
Lestat’s insane evil transgender mother who he’s doing emotional incest with is obviously the most iconic character in this book or this series. She was already at the top of this list and then she showed up at the end of this book with a safari hat and I simply have never been more in love with anyone. In conclusion, they could never make me hate her, and Lestat should not be allowed to fuck his mom, because only I should be allowed to fuck his mom.

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