Such a powerful memoir about a woman who was just six years old when she and her older sister fled from the Rwandan massacre, spending the ne4.5 stars
Such a powerful memoir about a woman who was just six years old when she and her older sister fled from the Rwandan massacre, spending the next six years migrating through seven African countries in search for safety. The experiences that Clemantine Wamariya and her sister Claire lived through are horrifying; Wamariya’s choice to intersperse past and present felt effective in displaying the toll of trauma. I liked how Wamariya doesn’t make this a “neat” trauma narrative, rather, she highlights how the toll of trauma is ongoing – even fi there is some “better” life after the trauma happens, it doesn’t erase the pain of what she and her loved ones went through.
I also appreciated how Wamariya defies the traditional narrative of refugees having to be grateful, as well as how she eschews the strong Black woman stereotype. Her writing about her complicated relationships with Claire and her other family members felt honest and important. I was definitely emotional by the spare, poignant ending of this book. I’d recommend it to those who enjoy memoir....more
Rounding up to 4 stars because I really appreciated how Jill Damatac wrote about her experience of abuse within her family of origin. The way3.5 stars
Rounding up to 4 stars because I really appreciated how Jill Damatac wrote about her experience of abuse within her family of origin. The way her father enacted physical, emotional, and financial abuse against her was harrowing to read, as well as how her mother colluded in that abuse. Raw and vulnerable writing throughout Dirty Kitchen that made it a compelling read. I also liked the way Damatac interrogated U.S. empire and how her and her family’s experience of being undocumented intersected with the abuse and health issues within her family. She’s justly critical of the white supremacy and colonial systems that negatively affected her and her family of origin, and I could tell she’s thoroughly researched the relevant history for this memoir.
My main critique is that I didn’t love the amatonormative ending/structure of the book. It seemed that the main thing that shifted Damatc’s journey was when she met her husband (at one point she describes him as the only person she’s met who loved her… which made me curious about her friendships or lack thereof, her relationship with her sister, etc.) While Damatac acknowledges in one paragraph her privileges (e.g., being married to a white man), I wanted more continued reflection and action about taking down empire and racism as opposed to wrapping the story up with a marriage to a privileged person. Still, she’s courageous in her writing about her family and overall her politics, so I give this a 3.5 rounded up to 4....more
Unfortunately I didn’t love this one. I liked that Hanif Abdurraqib wrote about identity, coming-of-age, and injustice, and how these ideas intersecteUnfortunately I didn’t love this one. I liked that Hanif Abdurraqib wrote about identity, coming-of-age, and injustice, and how these ideas intersected with basketball and sport. For me his writing style is too discursive for my taste and to difficult to follow in a more linear fashion. One of my Goodreads friends used the phrase “prose poetry” to describe his writing style which I think fits; if you’re more into “poetic” writing or a more tangential style you may enjoy this one more than I did....more
Wholesome book about an Indian American woman who made a career for herself as a comedian. I felt that the strongest parts of this memoir wer3.5 stars
Wholesome book about an Indian American woman who made a career for herself as a comedian. I felt that the strongest parts of this memoir were when Zarna Garg shared about her immigration experience, her family dynamics, and her rise as a comedian. These components felt both personal and humorous (and I also smiled when she wrote about her daughter testing into her private school in NYC.) The book felt well-structured as a coming-of-age story and her tone is consistent and humorous; the writing is engaging and I didn’t feel bored when reading This American Woman.
I had ambivalent feelings because at times I felt that Garg stereotyped Indians/Indian Americans (literally at one point making a comment about Asian American moms being tiger moms, which is a stereotype). I haven’t seen any of Garg’s comedy content so I can’t speak on it, but I did some initial research and I read of some Indian Americans who are critical of her work due to its stereotyping. Also, there were times I wished Garg could write more critically about assimilation to the United States and what that entails (and how her financial privilege aided her, which she did mention/acknowledge), but that might not have fit the vibe of the book. Overall, because I felt that the presence of stereotyping was not super huge in this memoir itself, I’m rounding up to four stars....more
Really appreciated this memoir for its portrayal of a difficult mother daughter dynamic and how it shaped Arundhati Roy. Roy’s writing is honest and eReally appreciated this memoir for its portrayal of a difficult mother daughter dynamic and how it shaped Arundhati Roy. Roy’s writing is honest and emotional and highlights how our caregivers can both egregiously hurt and belittle us, while also influencing us in ways that are profound and poignant. The main reason I give this book three stars instead of a higher rating is that I felt that Roy’s writing could at times ramble and feel meandering/unfocused, though of course I respect her writing and grieving process (as well as her political views which seem to align with mine). On the fence about whether I should read her other books though I imagine this work may resonate with fans of her novels....more
I liked this self-aware queer memoir by a gay Pakistani man. I most enjoyed reading about Komail Aijazuddin’s coming-of-age in Pakistan and how he navI liked this self-aware queer memoir by a gay Pakistani man. I most enjoyed reading about Komail Aijazuddin’s coming-of-age in Pakistan and how he navigated his identity both there and in the United States. The friend group he developed and maintained from his early years into his adulthood was wonderful to read about it.
Aijazuddin’s voice throughout the memoir is affable and humorous, though still self-aware and attuned to himself. He does a nice job of writing about the Islamophobia he has faced both within and outside of the queer community, as well as his complicated yet ultimately hopeful relationship with the United States. My one minor critique of this book is that I wish the elements related to body image were delved into a bit more deeply and critically. While there’s some deconstruction of his self-dislike toward his body toward the very end of the book, I felt that there was a lot of more status quo self-body-shaming for the majority of the book. Anti-fat bias and toxic beauty standards are so prevalent in the queer male community and while I’m glad Aijazuddin addressed the topic somewhat, I also think he could have done more with it....more
Great memoir about Mumia Abu-Jamal’s time in the Black Panther Party. So many important historical events as well as ideas that are relevant to today’Great memoir about Mumia Abu-Jamal’s time in the Black Panther Party. So many important historical events as well as ideas that are relevant to today’s movements for racial justice and dismantling anti-Black racism – directly addressing the question of violent and nonviolent protest, intersections of racial justice with class solidarity and gender equity, and even a brief commentary connected to anti-Zionism. Powerful insights about topics such as how societal segregation perpetuates injustice as well as how white progressives can inadvertently contribute to racism. The book leans more toward a history of the Black Panther Party over personal memoir, which is totally fine, though something to expect going into it. And, of course I’m biased, though I enjoyed reading about Abu-Jamal’s experience in Philadelphia specifically....more
Four stars because I appreciate Bianca Mabute-Louie’s staunch refusal to assimilate to white supremacy within the United States. She does a great job Four stars because I appreciate Bianca Mabute-Louie’s staunch refusal to assimilate to white supremacy within the United States. She does a great job of discussing anti-Black racism in the Asian Diasporic community, the history of Asian American/Asian Diasporic racism within the United States, and what pressures may motivate or dismantle assimilation.
A few things made me a bit less enthused about this book. First, for those who are deep in Asian American research and activism, some or a lot of this book’s content may not feel that novel. Second, I agree with other reviewers that Mabute-Louie can get a bit jargony with her writing especially toward the end of the book. Finally, there were some assumptions made in this book that I don’t feel are universally true. For example, early in the book she writes that white logic infiltrates ethnoburbs or predominantly Asian areas, but I don’t think this is always the case – I grew up in a pretty Asian area and tbh I never felt the desire to be white or to align with whiteness (even if I’ve had to make conscious choices throughout my life to resist white assimilation in other ways).
In some ways I felt that this book was more of a 3.5 to me, though because I think the author’s heart is in the right place and I overall align with her politically, I’ll round up to four....more
Loved this. A deeply sad and cogent memoir by a mother and writer whose two sons died by suicide. Yiyun Li’s prose is intentionally thought-oriented aLoved this. A deeply sad and cogent memoir by a mother and writer whose two sons died by suicide. Yiyun Li’s prose is intentionally thought-oriented as opposed to feeling-oriented, though her deep love and care for her children is evident on every page.
For my fellow psychology folks or people who’ve benefitted from and/or practice(d) Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), this memoir is a masterclass in practicing radical acceptance in the face of unimaginable loss and suffering. Li directly names radical acceptance and DBT a couple of times in this memoir and it was so touching (and heartbreaking) to read. As someone who’s faced a lot of trauma and grief in my own life in different ways than Li, I’ve benefitted a lot from applying radical acceptance and DBT to my own life so I felt a lot of solidarity reading this book (DBT isn’t the only modality that’s helped me or that I practice from, and it’s excellent imo).
Also appreciated when Li let some emotion out toward the end when she wrote about what was helpful and not helpful to receive from strangers in reaction to her loss. As she says you don’t need to say “I understand” – in fact you probably don’t understand given that the experience is different from yours. There are other ways to express sympathy and to honor someone else’s pain. Anyway, even though Li writes that she’s not a fan of the word “grief,” I found this memoir a restrained, powerful testament on living even with the pain of grief that will persist everyday. Big thank you to Li for writing it....more
A strong 3.5 stars because the gay mess was gay messing and I was living for it. But, on a more serious note, I really felt invested in how S3.5 stars
A strong 3.5 stars because the gay mess was gay messing and I was living for it. But, on a more serious note, I really felt invested in how Sean Hewitt wrote about his relationship with his ex-boyfriend Elias. There’s something about his prose that made certain memories of their relationship feel so alive and fresh and immediate – like when they met and the leadup to their first kiss, I was screaming a little for real. I also appreciated Hewitt’s honest writing about what it's like to be in a relationship with someone suffering from severe mental illness. I thought this memoir was at its strongest when it focused in on Sean’s relationship with Elias.
That said, even though I was invested in the gay drama, I have to be honest and share that I found other elements of the memoir weaker. While Hewitt did write about himself and his own insecurities, I found the self-reflection a bit shallower and unresolved. Like sure he struggled with insecurity related to his sexual orientation and that’s totally legitimate, though I wanted more than just a disclosure about that insecurity – where was the growth or the attempt at growth? I also found it odd that Hewitt glossed over the end of his relationship with Elias. Obviously it’s his memoir and he chooses what to share and what not to share, but it seemed stylistically odd to not include more details about what solidified their incompatibility.
Anyway, 3.5 rounded up to 4 because when Hewitt’s writing is at its strongest, it really is emotionally captivating. Yay for reading gay books even though Pride Month is over!...more
Moving, raw book about the author’s experience of sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather. Appreciated her boldness in sharing how the ab3.5 stars
Moving, raw book about the author’s experience of sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather. Appreciated her boldness in sharing how the abuse has affected her as well as her critical reflections both on media portrayals of abuse and how the legal system handles these cases. I found the book stylistically a bit weaker on the writing side (e.g., can come across as removed, a little disorganized/unfocused), though of course sensitive to the different ways people process and articulate trauma. FYI, the descriptions of sexual abuse are very explicit so readers may want to take that into account before starting this one....more
What I appreciated most about this memoir was how Sarah Aziza connected her individual experience of anorexia to her identity as a half-Palestinian woWhat I appreciated most about this memoir was how Sarah Aziza connected her individual experience of anorexia to her identity as a half-Palestinian woman. Her descriptions of her eating disorder are vivid and highlight the gravity of the disease. She also weaves in history and some analysis of the genocide of Palestinians throughout the decades and the difficult journey of understanding her own history.
Mainly giving four stars because the importance of the topic. I will say I found the sections about her romantic partner C very mawkish/overly sentimental – he seemed like a super idealized person and there were a lot of cliches in her writing about him. She also mentions her queerness toward the end of the book though it’s not really explored with much depth. So, four stars for the meaning even if there were elements of this memoir that didn’t work for me....more
Interesting and engaging essay collection revolving around class and consumerism. I liked how this book did what the best memoirs do, which i3.5 stars
Interesting and engaging essay collection revolving around class and consumerism. I liked how this book did what the best memoirs do, which is integrate specific memories and details with real emotion and vulnerability. Emily Mester wrote convincingly about a range of topics from going to fat camp as a teenager to working retail to eating at Olive Garden, and she tied it altogether through themes of class mobility and wealth.
The main thing I found a bit lacking about this collection was that I wished these essays just packed a little extra punch or critical analysis. For example, when Mester wrote about online reviews, I thought there could have been more analysis about how reviews can harm marginalized teachers/professors/workers/etc., or how reviews can be used to speak truth to power against those with privilege. In sum, even if this won’t top my favorites list, I think those who are interested by its synopsis may enjoy it....more
I thought this was a step up from Edgar Gomez’s debut nonfiction book, High-Risk Homosexual. In Alligator Tears, he does a great job of centering the I thought this was a step up from Edgar Gomez’s debut nonfiction book, High-Risk Homosexual. In Alligator Tears, he does a great job of centering the theme of class and how growing up without much money affected him, without it coming across as too didactic. His tone is relatable and down-to-earth. He’s also unabashedly queer, which is great, and it was fun and familiar to read about some of his youthful gay adventures (e.g., dating a fellow closeted teen online, a painful breakup in his 20’s in NYC, etc.) I most appreciated his centering of the queer Latine working class experience, as well as how he didn’t center whiteness at all in this collection.
Though I found some of the later essays even more readable, for some reason Gomez’s prose didn’t exactly click with me throughout this collection. It was readable and coherent, but it didn’t elicit excitement. Still, the content is quality so I still give this book four stars....more
I most loved this book for its takedown of Sheryl Sandberg and her toxic workplace behavior. Sarah Wynn-Williams does an overall nice job of 4.5 stars
I most loved this book for its takedown of Sheryl Sandberg and her toxic workplace behavior. Sarah Wynn-Williams does an overall nice job of writing about how Facebook lost its way and grew corrupt and careless about its impact on marginalized people across the world. For me, as someone who has experienced and witnessed workplace abuse, Wynn-Williams’s calling out of Sandberg (in addition to Joel Kaplan, and Mark Zuckerburg) was so cathartic to read. Wynn-Williams exposes how people like Sheryl can talk the talk about “leaning in” and supporting women and then outright perpetuate mistreatment against women in their day-to-day lives, including mean/explosive comments *and* sexual misconduct (gross and yikes). What I’m about to say isn’t included in the memoir but it stands out to me that Sandberg is also a vocal Zionist who’s perpetuated anti-Palestine propaganda so… anyway, just goes to show that you really can’t trust people with power based on what they say, when what they do is so much more telling.
The book on the whole was well-written and interesting. Engaging prose, “juicy” details (screaming at Sheryl’s racism toward Filipinx people and Mark forcing people to let him win at Catan and then acting ignorant and entitled about it), and some self-reflection. I do wish Wynn-Williams thought more about her own role and what led her to stay at Facebook for as long as she did; she attributes her staying for the health insurance, which is fair, though there was still something a little missing for me. The writing didn’t always blow me away though it definitely got the job done. I mostly rate this book highly for Wynn-Williams’s willingness to speak truth to power....more
I appreciate Scaachi Koul’s honesty about her divorce in a society that venerates marriage and weddings so much. I also found her writing punchy, engaI appreciate Scaachi Koul’s honesty about her divorce in a society that venerates marriage and weddings so much. I also found her writing punchy, engaging, and easy-to-read, so in some ways the title Sucker Punch feels well-earned.
That said, I was not a fan of this book. First, Koul’s racial analysis came across as extremely underdeveloped and frankly problematic. At one point in the book she openly derides all brown men. She’s defensive and non-self-reflective about criticisms she’s received for how her writing centers white audiences. She writes about how she’s dated mostly white men and then after dating one Caribbean man, speaks as if dating this one man of color is representative of dating all men of color. Then, she feels especially betrayed that her ex-white-husband cheated on her with a white woman, going so far to literally say that his cheating would have felt more understandable if he had cheated on her with a fellow Indian woman. What?? There’s no thoughtful analysis here. I felt so grateful I had read The Right to Sex by Amia Srinivasan last year because at least there’s one writer out there who actually has something cogent to say about racial desirability politics.
Koul’s self-analysis also felt shallow in general. I feel bad saying it because again, I do commend her for and appreciate her sharing about her divorce, but as a memoir I wanted more. For example, she writes about how she started dating her around 33-year-old ex-husband when she was 20 – there’s some reflection about this huge age gap but not in a way that I truly understood Koul’s main points. And I wish Koul had expanded the focus of her writing more to discuss amatonormativity and/or the wedding industrial complex, because without that lens some of her sentiments surrounding divorce came across as repetitive. A two star rating may be a bit harsh but I just can’t give this book more than two stars given its problematic racial elements....more
I really appreciated Meg Kissinger’s honesty in this book. While some mental illness (e.g., depression, anxiety) is becoming a bit more destigmatized,I really appreciated Meg Kissinger’s honesty in this book. While some mental illness (e.g., depression, anxiety) is becoming a bit more destigmatized, severe mental illness as well as death by suicide can still be so frowned upon, so it’s powerful for Kissinger to open up about all the mental health challenges faced by her family. Especially toward the end of the book, it was so clear that she holds an incredible passion for improving the mental health system and how mental health is both treated and viewed. There are also some interesting historical elements and research included in this memoir.
I pretty much only give this book three stars instead of a higher score because I found the writing a bit dry and a little all over the place, especially for the first three quarters of the book. While the events in Kissinger’s life were dramatic and emotional and moving, the writing style felt too removed and info dumpy for me to immerse myself on the sentence level. Still, I commend Kissinger for her candor in this memoir and am all for destigmatizing mental illness....more
Overall I really enjoyed this book. As a Vietnamese American who was raised near a Korean church community in northern Virginia, I also grew 4.5 stars
Overall I really enjoyed this book. As a Vietnamese American who was raised near a Korean church community in northern Virginia, I also grew up with and still listen to a lot of K-Pop. I thought Giaae Kwon did a nice job of writing with nuance about several K-Pop related topics including body image, misogyny, and mental health. I appreciated how she showed her adoration and respect for the genre while still applying a critical lens in her analysis.
I think where this memoir shined the most was when Kwon wrote about her personal life. For example, I was moved by her vulnerability when she wrote about dropping out of school twice and lying about it. I also resonated with her when she wrote about being almost 40 and not feeling like she had her life all figured out, especially in regard to society’s traditional benchmarks of success (e.g., career, amatonormative romantic partner, etc.) In reading Kwon’s self-reflection, it felt clear to me that this is someone who’s worked on herself and has gained self-awareness and self-insight through healing from her pain.
I did perceive at times that some of the connections Kwon made between her own life and K-Pop were a bit tenuous; it seemed that she was trying to stick to the structure of writing about K-Pop even when it didn’t always fit. But, I can see why she did that given the packaging of this book. In sum, an enjoyable book. Even though the analysis may not blow you away if you’re at all deep in the K-Pop discourse like myself, you may still find comfort in Kwon’s writing and honesty....more
Harrowing read. I finished almost all of this memoir in one setting. Really appreciate Shari Franke’s powerful writing about her experience w4.5 stars
Harrowing read. I finished almost all of this memoir in one setting. Really appreciate Shari Franke’s powerful writing about her experience with her abusive mother. Franke does a great job highlighting the impact of psychological and emotional abuse/manipulation, how some adults will take advantage of vulnerable youth, and the how kids and teens are affected by being forced into the online influencer role against their will. As someone who’s a survivor of childhood emotional abuse myself, I respect and admire Franke for sharing her story. A lot of people make assumptions about parents based on what they portray to the outside world, when the reality can be quite different. It’s wild to think about that fakeness and covering up of abuse being magnified by millions through online platforms like YouTube and now, Instagram and TikTok.
Overall, I found the book accessibly-written and easy to fly through. I was deeply moved by how Franke found trusting, safe adults in her life, including a therapist and non-familial caring supports who supported her in her healing. There were times where the writing was a little choppy and I do wish Franke had reflected a bit more on the role of religious extremism and influencer culture in her family’s ordeals, however, The House of My Mother is still a compelling read....more
One of the most enjoyable books I’ve read in a while! I took great pleasure in reading this memoir about a woman satisfying herself during he4.5 stars
One of the most enjoyable books I’ve read in a while! I took great pleasure in reading this memoir about a woman satisfying herself during her trip in Paris. Glynnis MacNicol writes with precision and feeling about being a childfree, non-married single woman in her mid-40’s defying society’s expectations that all women’s lives and stories end with marriage and/or kids. As someone who’s more femme and childfree by choice and romantically single, I found myself nodding along and sighing in “yes, she gets it” throughout this memoir. I loved her writing about her friendships, her considerations of her finances, and her decision to chart her own course.
I believe this book is also relevant given Vice President JD Vance’s comments about romantically single, childfree women being “childless cat ladies” and his statements that parents should get more votes than nonparents. I turn 30 in two months and definitely feel the amatonormative and heteronormative pressure to get married and have kids. MacNicol’s memoir in which she literally centers her pursuit of pleasure defies patriarchal notions that women’s purpose is solely to serve or care for other people. She’s also generally self-aware about her privilege and positionality. Sure, there were a few passages that could have been more concise or removed and an instance of an interaction with a younger woman that could have been probed more thoroughly, but, as a whole I found her writing mindful and astute.
I’m not a travel memoir fan but liked this book nonetheless for its thesis on pursuing pleasure and defying society’s expectations. I may be interested in reading a memoir every decade by MacNicol as I also enjoyed her memoir No One Tells You This which I read back in 2018....more
