I did not finish this book. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It became a filler for days when I had nothing else to read and needed something toI did not finish this book. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It became a filler for days when I had nothing else to read and needed something to occupy my time on the treadmill. Even then, I couldn't stay focused on the points being made.
I purchased this while on vacation because the title is obviously intriguing and I pictured a very witty, entertaining evaluation of that particular annoying type of person in our world, and one man's opinions about how to deal with or avoid them entirely.
Instead, this is actually more of a serious thesis attempting to lighten the mood with an edgy swear word. Sure, there are humorous moments (if you are a liberal) pointing to examples of jerky, conservative talking heads, politicians and yes, even a certain business mogul before he turned into the Republican party's presidential nominee. But truthfully, the author is laying out a well-researched, intricate philosophical dissertation complete with endless in-text citations to back up each point.
I kept waiting for the formal arguments and definitions to give way to a fun, unabashed essay to illustrate in layman's terms via an entertaining story how to identify, defend against, survive and potentially even convert an asshole into a moral and enjoyable human being. What I got (when I skimmed and skipped through to the end) was a concluding "Letter to an Asshole" that I found to carry on in much the same way as the rest of the book, at least any portions that I was able to absorb.
For my personal taste, this book would have been much improved if the author had included such described fun interludes after each well-reinforced theoretic presentation; a way to counterbalance the heaviness of a topic marketed as light-hearted musings.
I guess I'm just not the right audience here. Or perhaps I'm an asshole. Not sure - I gave up trying to figure it all out....more
"I'm sorry to say this, but boys generally don't take turns or share because they want to be nice. For many young boys, it's about keeping a playmate "I'm sorry to say this, but boys generally don't take turns or share because they want to be nice. For many young boys, it's about keeping a playmate in the gameso they can try and beat him." Pg. 60, Empathy, Chapter 4, He's A Bully
OK. So - as a woman I found this perspective entertaining. As a holder of an elementary education college degree I found this perspective fascinating. And as a mother of a nearly 4 year old boy I found this perspective empowering.
Dr. Rao has a practice a few towns away from where I live and if I can't get his book's insight to work I may just pick up the phone and bring him directly into my son's world. But the way that he illustrates his solutions is so clear and logical, I am not finding it challenging to grasp and put into action.
My great takeaway is that today's society puts pressure on parents, educators and medical providers to plop our kids into categories and compare them - often unfairly - leading to inaccurate or unnecessary diagnoses that can be harmful to the kids and people who care for them now and down the road. And Dr. Rao's opinion is that boys are more frequently found in these predicaments because their development track and learning style is generally different than what is expected or necessary in the learning environments they find themselves in.
Dr. Rao wants the world to learn about the way of boys and be patient with them. Even children who are legitimately medicated for a condition such as ADHD will still benefit more from behavioral skills and solutions in concert with the pills they take versus just pills alone. I highly value this more patient approach, and was willing to listen to his suggestions.
The solutions are actually your basic, old-school common sense. When your kid acts out, he has time away. Not a time out. Time away is being sent to your room. Away from the action that he really wants to be a part of. In a place where he is safe, and free to let the anger/frustration/sadness out. To self-calm at his own pace. Not for a set period of minutes that may be too short or too long for this particular instance, as you find in the typical time out. That when your kid acts out, they are given a consequence first, and then an explanation. You throw something, it gets taken away and then you state "toys aren't for throwing, this is mine now." Hmmm. Go to your room. Shoot first, ask questions later. Sounds a lot like how I was raised. The only advice different from what I experienced was NO LECTURES!
Kids don't listen when they're in the throes of anger. They don't grasp complex concepts. Hell, they don't grasp simple concepts - they're still learning, growing. Lay out boundaries and guidelines. Enforce them. And reinforce them. Be consistent. Stay calm. And find a never-ending reservoir of patience.
I am overly simplifying Dr. Rao's message here. But it is really really hard to do these things. So many parents take what appears to be the easy way out and end up creating long-term issues unintentionally. We do this without even realizing it. We offer to help instead of letting them struggle to learn for themselves. We play referee over every dispute instead of letting them duke it out and learn how to negotiate their needs and desires. We hold them too close when they need to be shown they can survive without us.
It was most interesting to hear HOW boys grow and develop - the way they approach the world and how they absorb its lessons. Boys and girls ARE different. I always thought that was just a stereotype - girls like dolls and boys like trucks. Girls want to play house while boys want to play sports. And that is oversimplifying it again. But in general, girls are just built to play together instead of competing against. They have empathy much earlier. They want to look at you and can stay still longer at a younger age. Boys are not interested in face time and need to move more often. They are wired differently. They just are. Within boys, there are wide ranges of behavior, just as there are with girls. There are shy boys and gregarious boys. Neither are good or bad. They are what they are. And we just need a guide to help us (moms especially) navigate their path....more
"His name was Job Kattenanit. He was a Praying Indian being held on Deer Island. Before he had been transported to the island, his village had been at"His name was Job Kattenanit. He was a Praying Indian being held on Deer Island. Before he had been transported to the island, his village had been attacked by Nipmucks, who'd taken his three children captive. By December, Job, who was a widower, was desperate to find his children, and he and another Praying Indian named James volunteered to become spies for the English. They were to infiltrate the Nipmucks at Menameset, the village near Brookfield to which Philip had fled after escaping from Plymouth, and learn anything they could about the Indians' plans for the winter. If Job was lucky, he might also make contact with his three children. It was dangerous duty to be sure, but James and Job could truthfully tell the Nipmucks that they had been so abused and reviled by the English that they had been given no choice but to leave them." ~ Pg. 286, Chapter 15, "In A Strange Way"
When I selected this book off of my bookcase of hand-me-down books, likely passed along from my mom or dad, I wasn't entirely sure until I began reading if it was non-fiction or historical fiction. Once I confirmed it was in fact purely non-fiction, I was also rewarded with such pleasurable readability that I cast aside such labels and dug in for some fun learning.
I reside in suburban Boston, in a community filled with the history of John Eliot's Praying Indians. Native Americans who were taught Christianity through a Bible translated into their own language by Eliot's efforts. English-friendly Indians who were shipped off to internment camps on Deer Island in Boston's Harbor during King Philip's War between the local tribes and the colonies. An Indian community who eventually were enlisted to help the English track down rival Philip, and through whom we have what minimal official recorded history there is from the Indians' point of view during that time.
I knew of these Praying Indians and Eliot in passing, from some self-directed field trips to local cemeteries and reading of historical tidbits on building markers and library displays. But I did not know a stitch about King Philip's War. I thought he was a ruling king in England, dictating atrocities against the Native population through the Pilgrim and Puritan colonists. I didn't realize he was an Indian leader, reluctantly bringing war to a previously tenuous but peaceful nation of tribes and colonists. So much for my education.
This book does an excellent job of making history interesting, engaging, entertaining and eye-opening. I think that's what all good history lessons should accomplish. I am sure that much of my interest level was held by the fact that I live in and amongst the places detailed within the book's pages. Picturing my modern world as a vastly different frontier for America's future path was fascinating. I am surrounded by history every day in these parts, and have visited many monuments, museums and reenactments over the years. But they are rarely from such a comprehensive perspective. Mostly they focus on Pilgrims arriving or Revolution against England beginning. The part in between is not presented as prominently.
While the book begins with the future Pilgrims and their efforts towards and eventual passage to New England, the strongest focus, or, at least, the part that seemed most comprehensive and lengthy, was the portion covering the second and third generation of Pilgrim descendants and how their relationships with the Native Indian tribes changed forever into, through and out of King Philip's War. I am not sure that Mayflower is the most appropriate or reflective title as a result.
If you have any interest in learning about the background of the Pilgrims, how they came to be here, what their actions were like with and towards the Natives they encountered, and how they survived and tried to thrive, this book is for you. If you have any interest in learning about Indian tribes before colonists took hold, how their new neighbors improved and destroyed their communities, this book is for you. If you have any interest in learning about how war turns friends into enemies and enemies into supporters, this book is for you. If you enjoy reading about moral dilemmas, strategy and the good and ugly sides of the human spirit from both sides of the coin, this book is for you. If you want to read something with very vibrant characters, incredible feats against terrible odds, that is fast-paced and motivating, this is the book for you.
I have learned much about my town, my region, my country. There are many pieces that infuriate, shame and horrify me. There are many pieces that amaze and empower me. These emotions come from both Native and Colonist actions. I feel that I have a truer picture of this country's past than was ever revealed to me before. Or, perhaps, it just wasn't revealed in so entertaining a way - which may explain why I was so ignorant to begin with.
Although a large portion of the text is devoted to author notes, bibliographies, indexes and other such housekeeping, I was begging for some sort of "family tree" or listing of prominent figure names to guide me and refer back to throughout this lengthy, complex past. The maps and photos sprinkled within the pages were very helpful - I would have loved more.
"If you ever want to make even the most cosmopolitan of your friends speechless, telling them you have voluteered to travel to Newark, New Jersey, so "If you ever want to make even the most cosmopolitan of your friends speechless, telling them you have voluteered to travel to Newark, New Jersey, so you can masturbate to orgasm in an fMRI is a great way to start. Once they overcome the shock, chances are they will start to ask questions. A lot of questions. Most I was able to answer. To start, no, I'm not kidding. I'm really going to do it. Really, it is not a joke, I promise. Yes, I will be in the scanner, the same sort of claustrophobic tube you got your knee scanned in that one time. Yes, I know it is a very tight fit. Loud too. Yes, I'll be self-stimulating. How? Clitorally, to be exact, until I reach orgasm. Will I use a vibrator? No, most vibrators have metal, which is a no-no in the magnet. I'll have to rely on my own hands to get the job done. Yes, technically people will be watching - just the scientists who are running the study, I think. But I will be draped for modesty and the only thing they will really be observing, besides my brain on the computer screen, is my hand signal when ecstasy is upon me. Both Komisaruk and his colleague, Nan Wise, have explained the whole process in detail to me. No, I am not sure I'll actually be able to do it. But, as instructed, I have been practicing at home and will give it my best shot. It seemed like I was going through the same spiel over and over again. Between Wise's careful instructions and my repeated parroting, I felt I knew the procedure backward and forward. Or so I thought.
"It occurred to me only the night before I was due to be scanned that I had forgotten to ask the most important question of all: What do I wear to this session?"- Chapter 12
I met Kayt Sukel while acting as her Editor for the UpTake Restaurants Blog online over the past year. When she asked for some time off to complete a book for publication, I said "of course" and then asked what her book was about. When she told me it was a non-fiction look at the neuroscience field my reaction was disappointment that I wouldn't be able to read and review it for her. Not exactly something the common Bumble can easily grasp and find all that interesting. But Kayt told me not to make that kind of assumption so fast and encouraged me to take a deeper look. When I watched her book trailer a few months later, I couldn't request an advance copy fast enough. Finding out how our brains operate when it comes to love and sex didn't sound like a boring science textbook to me.
"Dirty Minds" is far from boring. This is because Kayt has a wicked sense of humor and the ability to translate Ivy League research into rock lyric parallels, making her book highly readable and entertaining. And in those spots where I did find my eyes glazing over due to a jumble of scientific jargon, she would inevitably insert an aside to the reader acknowledging and forgiving the probable tuning out of the prior paragraph. This made me laugh and kept me reading on, knowing this was not material to be quizzed on but rather, stories to be learned from.
Kayt recounts all kinds of neurological studies and research about varying ways to love; parental love, same-sex love, spiritual love and even lust. None of them have a magic solution for lonely hearts or wandering eyes. As evidenced by the passage quoted above, Kayt bravely took part in several of these studies along the way with the hope of giving scientists information to better solve the mysteries of love, sex and attraction. The only thing the studies seem to prove is that love elicits a definite pattern of activity in our brains. But love isn't just synapses and hormones working like a factory and dictating emotional expression. It is also affected by our culture, environment and often overruled by the reasoning portions of our brains.
I was fascinated by the way researchers discover which pieces of our brains light up during all kinds of tasks - physical or mental in nature. Seeing the way entirely different activities have brain mapping overlaps was an eye-opener. Most encouraging was the knowledge that our brains never stop changing. Every interaction, experience and education causes our brains to evolve. Meaning that love is not finite. It can't be contained or categorized. It is there - whether we want it or not. And it certainly seems, our brains really really want it. That's why there are all of those handy rock lyrics for Kayt to parallel....more
Another blogging friend who was a new mother sent her copy of this book along to me when she learned I was expecting a baby. She told me that this booAnother blogging friend who was a new mother sent her copy of this book along to me when she learned I was expecting a baby. She told me that this book, more than others she shared with me too, helped her and her husband best raise their son who presented challenges to sleeping. I am all about learning everything there is to know so I dove right in.
I really grabbed hold of the statement that "sleep is not optional." That children require sleep in order to grow and be healthy. I liked that. I could work with that. What I didn't like was the fact that the author then went on to say that if they didn't, they would turn into fat, bratty kids. I'm not being snarky. Those are the author's choice of words.
I know that this book was written before politically correct was part of our lexicon. And I do appreciate no-nonsense. It certainly captures one's attention. But I didn't feel comfortable handing my faith in what to do over to someone who was so blatantly blunt and rude.
I used "sleep is not optional" as my mantra. I used other books and friends' suggestions to create my method of implementation of this mantra. I ended up with a great sleeper within months and happy, healthy baby.
I thank Dr. Weissbluth for the mantra. I chose to disregard the rest....more
This book was sent to me by another blogging friend who was a new mother. She knew I was expecting a baby and thought she would pass it along. She tolThis book was sent to me by another blogging friend who was a new mother. She knew I was expecting a baby and thought she would pass it along. She told me there were parts she really liked and parts that just didn't work for her. She sent along another parenting-get-your-baby-to-sleep book later that she preferred. Since I appreciate as much knowledge and options as possible, I read them both and felt more aligned with the methods presented here.
As a first-time parent, over the hill and with lots and lots of advice/stories/opinions heard over the years from family and friends, co-workers and strangers about how to convince a baby to sleep, I was paranoid that I - the biggest fan of sleep in the world - would end up with a baby who not only hated to sleep, but who felt the need to scream while not sleeping. This book empowered me in a way. It let me know that for some families, with studious effort and consistent practice, a sleeping baby was more than just a dream.
The book may be written simply, but for a new-parent-to-be, it was nice to have simple. There are some silly "case study" examples that laughably go to illustrate with great exaggeration and quite a few stereotypes how babies raised in different parenting methods turn out. Obviously, the author is looking to make their method look terrific. I'm smart enough to recognize this and take things with a grain of salt.
I believe that their overall concept of providing your child with a routine and without sleep aid crutches is valid to having a baby who welcomes sleep earlier in life. The sooner you break a bad habit, or keep them from existing to begin with, the better.
I treated this book as a guideline in combination with other books, methods and personal advice given to me. My son ended up sleeping all night long at 2 1/2 months old. He learned to fall asleep on his own at 4 months. He is a happy baby because he has time to grow because of healthy sleep habits. I attribute much of that to the suggestions in this book and most of it to our own dedication to being consistent in our overall approach. I hope that he continues to love nighttime sleep as much as his mother does ;0)...more