Banter Quotes

“See the healer, Sage. We have a big week ahead of us, and I can’t afford you falling dead on me.”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever died from a bruise on the ass, sir”
― Hannah Nicole Maehrer, Assistant to the Villain

“And I already gave you a present.”

“You gave me a heart attack,” he countered. “Do you often expose people to their phobias and call it a gift?”
― Jane Washington, Tourner

“How many marks do you think you’ll get for treason?”

“One from the Scholar to make my skin fairer, one from the Weaver to make me taller, one from the King to make me fatter, one from the Inquisitor to make me stronger, and one from the Warmaster to fix whatever it is he doesn’t like about me.”

“Probably your general attitude. He gets at least a dozen offers of marriage a week; he doesn’t understand what you don’t like about him.”

“Probably his general attitude.”
― Jane Washington, A Tempest of Shadows

“You’re lucky Vale didn’t make you strip completely. You can choose that option, if you prefer. It wouldn’t be the first time.” I grew still, searching his face. He was focussing on his task, his fingers making quick work of my laces. He was talking about my bath with Vale.

“How do you know that wasn’t a completely organic moment of genuine friendship?” I uttered dryly. “Just two people, bonding over hygiene”
― Jane Washington, A City of Whispers

“This isn’t the last night, and the next person to act like Ven is going to disappear tomorrow is getting an axe to the neck.”

“Typical Vold,” Andel muttered. “Jumping straight to an axe to the neck when a simple ‘please’ might have sufficed.”

Vale chuckled, drawing a few surprised looks. He shrugged. “I don’t think you’ve ever said that word. I don’t think any of us have.”

“Not true,” Andel defended. “Half a decade ago I asked you all to please die for good and leave me to eternal peace.”

“You’re right,” Fjor muttered dully. “Manners make all the difference.”
― Jane Washington, A World of Lost Words

“Remember? We have a rematch. And this time, it’s my turn to shine.” With his goggles on, Sterling got into his stance, keeping an eye on the Professor.
“Oh? I didn’t realize that you were so dull.” I put my goggles on and took my stance as well, making sure that Professor Trinkott was within my line of vision. Challenge accepted.
“Ha, ha, joke all you want, Alvara. Just don’t come crying to me afterwards.”
“I don’t cry when I win.”
― iLana Markarov, The Timekeeper's Secret

“Tell me about your family,” he said as soon as we had ordered our food and sat down.
“Tell me about yours,” I countered.
“I’m an orphan,” he lied.
“I’m a foundling,” I shot back.”
― Annika Champenois, Artfully Annoying

“He grinned. I was beginning to realize he had a very limited repertoire of facial expressions.”
― Annika Champenois, Artfully Annoying

“I should have gone with. Slayers are stronger together.” Valen drums his fingers on the table.

“Have you met Greer, slay bae?” One of his fries smacks into my face.


I blink twice, glance down at the fried potato in my lap, then give him a look. “Rude.”

“She’s the only one who can call me that, teddy bear.”
― Rory Miles, Twilight Terrors

“Hey!” Ignoring my indignant protest, the prince proceeds up the incline, his steps sure and steady despite the rough terrain and my added weight. “Put me down.” I squirm, my new upside-down view of the ground less than inspiring. “I can walk.”

"And I can sing,” says Tavias. “That doesn't mean that I should.”
― Alex Lidell, Dragons' Mate

“You can’t poke Mrs. Claus in the boob.”
“Why not? You poked me in the stomach.”
“I poked a pillow.”
“So did I.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Unless you’ve somehow turned into Dolly Parton in the last ten minutes.”
“You look more like Mrs. Doubtfire than Mrs. Claus.”
― Kortney Keisel, The Holiday Stand-In

“How,” his familiar voice growled, free of its usual seductive polish, now grating with irritation, “are you covered in dirt and blood again already?”

I peered up, pushing a wet flop of hair from my face. “It’s a skill”
― Jane Washington, A Tempest of Shadows

“You can’t dance for shit.” He dragged me along, his footing exact, his scowl growing.

“You can’t converse for shit,”
― Jane Washington, A City of Whispers

“I’ll have you know…” I pointing an unsteady finger in the air as I notched my elbow on the table. “I’ve been letting him win.”

“And why would you do that?” Fjor asked, the shadow of a mocking smile ghosting the edges of his cruel mouth.

“To be a good wife.” I rolled my eyes. “Obviously.”

“Good wives go to bed when they’re told to,” he returned calmly.

“Yes, well, none of us are perfect.”
― Jane Washington, A Dream of Embers

“Just for the record, none of us are ever gonna be mad ’cause you woke up screaming, but we are gonna need to make sure you’re alright.”


“I said I was fine,” I muttered.


"Yeah, you say that a lot," he retorted, and I saw the flash of his teeth as he grinned. "So far you haven't been fine even once.”
― K.L. Speer, Bones

“So are you an angel?” Sam asked.


Nausea curdled in my stomach. “Don’t call me that.”


“Why not?”


I had to unclench my jaw so I could answer. “Because I don’t like it.”


“How come?”


“Just don’t,” I snapped.


“Why?”


Gods, did he want me to hit him? I picked up my pace, but he matched my steps. 


“Some girls like bein’ called ‘Angel’,” he pushed, unrelenting.


“How would you know?” I glared at him. 


He clutched his chest like I’d stabbed him. “Shortcake, what are you implying?”


I ignored him. 


“I’ll have you know I’m a high commodity around here.”


“Funny, seems like I’m the only person you ever talk to.” 


“I talk to lots of people!” He grinned.


“Then how ’bout you go talk to one of them and leave me alone.”


“You’d miss me,” he said.


“Let’s try it and see.”


“You wound me!” he said dramatically. “I’m delightful!” 


“You’re annoying.” 


“Shortcake, you tryin’ to break my poor lil heart?” 


“If your heart’s anywhere near as thick as your head, I think you’ll be fine.”


“Hey!” He sounded genuinely indignant now. “That was mean!”
― K.L. Speer, Bones

“Nadia” he crooned, “ Are you upset with me? I honestly forgot she was going to stop by. I can tell you don’t like her”
“It’s not for me to like her. I’m not the one making plans for Lupercalia with her” she quipped with more bite than she intended.”
― Maisie Mack, The Lycan King's Mate

“He took a long breath. "I know this doesn't make you happy. But there's a reason."

"Is that right?" (she said)

"How much do you have?"

"You know what I've always liked about you Michael?"

"No, what?"

"I don't remember either.”
― Justin Cronin, The City of Mirrors

“You look like shit."
"I was in a fight. What's your excuse?”
― Nicole Rowles, Anarchist Underground: An epic fantasy political intrigue

“Let me guess. You asked him to give you an A-to-Z list of reasons why I'm a demon straight from hell itself."
Bowie's lip twitched as he looked up. Bryn's reappearance seemed to ease some of his nervous tension. "I can't remember if I was at O for obnoxious or P for piece of -”
― Nicole Rowles, Anarchist Underground: An epic fantasy political intrigue

“It’s worth a try," he conceded.
"See?" Raevan repeated, savoring the small victory. "It’s worth a try.”
― Robin Dalmar, Cove of Storms

“Furious, she turned away from him to storm back to the entrance.

Raevan looked at Matthias as if he’d just sunk their ship and now had to row back home.”
― Robin Dalmar, Cove of Storms

“How had we gotten into such an easy banter? If I didn’t stop this, I might give him the wrong impression. Again.”
― Annika Champenois, Artfully Annoying

“Um, how did it go?”
I put my hands on my hips and huffed. “Just great. He plagued the life out of me while I spewed insults at him. I made an enemy of another waiter and estranged myself from a new restaurant, and Croft picked food out of my hair.”
― Annika Champenois, Artfully Annoying

“I wasn't fishing for compliments, bro, but thanks, I guess.”
― Duncan Ralston, Dead Men Walking: a Novelette

“You’re a dick,” Isobel huffed.

“I’m the dick who carries you to bed every night.”

“You’re all right, as far as dicks go.”

“High praise.”

“You’re welcome.”
― Jane Washington, Relever

“Gabriel: There’s absolutely no way Kalen put something inside you during the performance.

Kalen (admin): Mikel punished her for disobeying the rules of the hunt.

Moses: Remind me never to disobey Mikki.

Cian: Pretty sure he would just beat you up, Moses.


Moses: I’m not willing to take the chance.

Mikel (admin): Shut up, Moses.

Moses: Don’t come after my orifices!”
― Jane Washington, Relever

“My apologies. I meant to…”

Sakr cocked a brow. “You meant to f**k my commander in the public showers?”
― Asami Dashara, Legendary Conquests: The Captain

“Fetch stood and looked at her hoof. “You fool-asses going to do what I say?”

“Oh, yes,” Polecat said, his eyes glazing. “Anything. You tell me to lick your quim and I will serve without question.”

“If I need that done, I’ll ask Cissy,” Fetch returned. “She tells me you’re hopeless at it.”
― Jonathan French

“Be careful. okay? I don't want you dying before I can get you naked."
"You only want me for my body? rude," Taranis said.
"Well, yeah because so far, your personality has sucked," Quinn replied because she never knew when to quit.”
― Alessa Thorn, Roar of the Storm King