Lately, I have been seeing a lot of graduation photos and posts. I didn’t think much of it at the beginning – it is, after all, that time of year. But then I began seeing all the college graduation posts of N’s peers -friends and people they went all the way through compulsory schooling with – and it kind of took my breath away for a minute.

N took their last finals at the local community college. It isn’t official, but they have technically earned an AA degree. And that’s where it will end. They have determined they will not pursue further collegiate education. It’s fine. College isn’t for everyone. Not everyone who’s successful in life has a Bachelor’s or higher degree. N hasn’t quite found their path yet, but they know they are done with schooling. They will take a winemaking/viticulture class in the Fall at another community college, but it isn’t for any grade or credit. They are done. To be honest, I don’t have the energy or motivation to push the issue. They are an adult, for all intents and purposes, and we are allowing them to make the decision.

Often, I can almost forget their autism and the impact of the outside world on them. Oh, we see their social delays, anxieties, emotional age that lags far behind that of their peers. It’s just who they are. We haven’t had to deal with it in an educational forum for four years. Seeing all the college graduation photos of kids I’ve known since N was in kindergarten just reminds me our world is not like that of neurotypical kids/young adults. The contrast is more evident when your child isn’t reaching those same life milestones.

We always knew N would have a different path. Somehow, though, I had convinced myself they would reach a point they’d be less “different”, more capable. I still imagined them going off to a four-year university at some point. Over the last couple of years, we’ve become aware that was not a likely prospect. It isn’t off the table completely. They could do it f they chose, with supports of course, especially if said school were far away from home. But they’ve decided they are just done with school. Fine – I get it. I just need to come to terms once again with their journey looking oh so different than many of their peers.

I guess calling this a “missed milestone” infers someone is less than if they don’t go to college and graduate. I don’t mean that in the least. That’s not my intention with this discussion and sharing of where we are. My point is, in spite of N’s autism, I had always pictured them going off to college like their siblings have done, as many of their friends have done. The visual reminders that that will not be is what has hit me lately. It’s another thing N won’t be doing, another sign of their difference.

Side note – WordPress now does “memories” like you’d see on social media apps, linking other posts I’ve written on June 1st over the years. One that came up was titled “Diffability” talking of the time we were flying and N saw on their pre-board pass it was for people with any disability. We had a discussion about that word, and how they didn’t see themselves as disabled. We came up with another word – diffability – as they are just differently-abled, not necessarily disabled. It served as a good reminder for today’s topic. This part of the journey is just another sign of their different abilities, and we will see where this road takes them.

PS – Happy Pride Month!!