Who Said It? Donald Trump or Rita Repulsa
Was there ever a better time to be a kid than the ‘90s? We had the best toys, the best TV shows, and of course, the best villains! If you’re feeling nostalgic for the days of Discmans and Saturday morning cartoons, good news — the ‘90s are …
Adulting Win! I’ve Successfully Hidden the Body
Well, that was exhausting. But also, fulfilling… in a way that I probably shouldn’t explicate on in case any legal officials are paying attention. But… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" this tale</a>
Man Clearly Going Through Something Buys Really Big Fantasy Book
12-Year-Old Audiophile Insists Weird Al Sounds ‘Warmer’ On Vinyl
ALBUQUERQUE — Local 12-year-old audiophile Jimmy Johanson reportedly insists that famed accordion virtuoso “Weird Al” Yankovic’s music sounds “warmer” on vinyl, sources confirmed. “There is… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" the full story</a>
‘Out of Order’ Sign on Urinal No Match for Free-Thinking Libertarian
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — An “out of order” sign in a public restroom didn’t stand a chance against local libertarian Royce LeFarge, confirmed sources who were… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" more nonsense</a>
The Next “Angel Is the Centerfold”? I Think My Old High School Crush Is in This Footjob Cumpilation
We Sat Down With Cybergoth Icon The Predator
The cybergoth subculture arose in the nineties as a combination of cyberpunk and goth styles, with adherents often seen sporting some combination of a basic,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" the full story</a>
Music
Dave Mustaine Reveals He Only Gave His Life to Jesus Christ After Every Other Deity Rejected Him
LA MESA, Calif. — Megadeth frontman and born again Christian Dave Mustaine revealed that he gave his life over to Jesus Christ only after having been turned down by every other deity, unsurprised sources reveal. “I was going down a…
Punk House Microwave Needs To Be Preheated
PORTLAND, Ore. — The Black Hole House of Portland reportedly contains a microwave which needs…
Report: ‘Dude Looks Like a Lady’ Sucks Too Hard To Worry About How Problematic It Is
BOSTON — While classic rock band Aerosmith’s hit 1987 single “Dude Looks Like a Lady”…
So-Called Eric Clapton Fan Safely Protected Against Measles and Rubella
BRISTOL, Conn. — Rodney Carlson, supposed fan of English rock and blues guitarist-turned-anti-vaxxer Eric Clapton,…
Absolutely Tragic: Chris Jericho Announces Plans To Continue Releasing Music
ODESSA, Fla. — Popular wrestler turned musician Chris Jericho unfortunately announced plans to continue his…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…