Dils Stop .

Blardy bureaucracy and red tapes. I asked for an access to a lousy tool pon have to go through 3 levels of Support not to mention approval of a higher Manager. Only to be thrown back again in my face, saying this Inbox are reserved for a higher being (Higher Level Executive). Then why in the first place u gave me that email address? Idiotic moronic... thingies.So now, I have no idea where to turn to. Until my manager will again ask, "Dila... have you get that login yet?" I will then lie shamelessly. (Note: The opening is just a sidenote for my frustration :P . For someone who are lost reading my blog )

Rides in the LRT can really shows our Malaysian colors. I am not saying other countries are better than us. I had been to MRT, Underground and WTH is the name of the trains in Barcelona. The crowds are pretty decent. But of course I may be mistaken since I avoid the rush hour then and are so travel happy. Anyhow, no inconsiderate behaviors experience with these electric train outside of Malaysia, yet. Well, discounting the drunk, homeless ol man sleeping in the Underground train in a pool of his own piss.

Some peoples just don't know good manners. Few nights back, I went back by LRT. As usual by 10 p.m., only 1 counter is opened, thus a long queue at the booth. I chose to use the Ticket Machine (Okay, I have no idea what it is called. I called it the Ticket Machine for obvious reason). Pulling out my purse, next to my machine a harried looking man is holding a crumpled RM1 note, asking peoples around him for a change. The Ticket Machine must have spat out his crumpled note.

I am of course always an angel and being a girl, our notes is always crisp and wrinkle free and our coin pouch is always heavy, (Superman theme song ...please) am there to save a lost soul. ::Cough:: I meant to help. He glanced at me and saw I was willing to hand out the change. He then surprised me by his gruff , barking, commanding voice;

"50 sen, 50 sen !" He looked askance at my old purse while waving his hands frantically to me showing to hurry.

I am a bit astounded, shocked and dumbfounded by such manners. Fishing out the coins from my purse, he then impatiently snatched it from my hands. I waited for him to handed me his RM1 note but he just then proceeded to his machine. Only after getting his ticket, he gave (the operative words here: push it roughly to my hand) me his foul looking , crumpled note. What? Afraid my coins wouldn't spit out your ticket is it? That I have fake coins to give to stranger ? I almost felt like throwing the damn money to his face. Rude boorish behavior.

Hello Mr Man Wearing a Blue Shirt on a Wednesday Night, rudely asking for coins from a girl. Please learn good manners. Not even a thank had been uttered. Never in my life had I ever regretted helping out a stranger. You sir, had make this experience worthwhile. And should I encountered you again asking for a change. You can be damn sure you will get something else from me. A piece of my mind.

Also a lil bit on the inconsiderate peoples in LRT. I was standing one day when a woman holding a toddler walked in. Imagine who gave up their seat? A 50-ish year old looking makcik. All these able bodied girls and guys seating at their comfortable seats who btw look younger than me are busy looking elsewhere. What? You think peoples standing around you don't notice that you are trying hard to avoid your eyes from lingering on the peoples who need the seats?

And what is it with peoples hugging the pole at the middle of the Putra LRT when we can barely stand in the sardine packed container? Excuse me , if I mistakenly grab your ears to steady myself from falling headfirst into your smelly shirt since your whole tub of lard is enveloping the pole , for us to hold on for dear life to.

Peoples sometimes have this uncanny ability to develop a third or fourth eyes. Our mom and teachers have that all the time. The ability to know we are snoozing or doodling something when we are supposed to do some Maths exercise. Before we reach that level, sometimes we do have that ability.

You can called it as 'perasan'. Don't you ever get that tingling sensation that someone is watching you when you are laughing with your friends. Or when you are at the far end of the corner at the cafeteria you know that other person who is on the other side of the cafeteria is looking at you. Its kinda hard to beat that feeling away. You will start thinking, what? Does the person like you? Or do you dress funny today? There is a stain at my shirt? I usually get the wrong impression that peoples are sniggering at me. Ahh.. well another proof of my low self esteem. Or maybe it is right? Peoples do sniggered at me? Baahh. Push that aside. But sometimes you might be wrong. That other person is looking at the person at your back. Or just staring blankly in your direction. Or you might really have a tear at the back your pants. When you realized that, you will red-facedly stalk yourself away from his/her eye gazing areas.

I used to care a lot what peoples think about me. Now I could't give much a hoot. (I put much, so I do care a bit). I find out by sticking earplugs in hearing my mp3 list playing, I am in another world. Therefore the state of 'perasan' days ceased.

Last week however. I was riding the PUTRA Lrt to my workplace. As usual embarking from Setiawangsa station, there is no seats. I chose to stand in front of the seats. To pass time, I fiddled around with my Beanie to search for non-depressing songs. It is high time I change my playlist I thought to myself. When we are nearing the Ampang Park, I looked ahead and noticed the guy standing next to me is checking me out. I don't mind guys checking my plain self out. Please do, but do it sparingly and with good manners. But he is obviously checking out my.. ah well.. chest area. He then realized that we are in a dark area where reflections of ourselves are apparent as day and he saw from the reflection I am watching him 1/3 amused, 1/3 grimly, 1/3 shame facedly . I raised my eyebrow and he looked embrassedly, stonily ahead.

Now... Ah well. It just showed that some guys need to hone their skills on checking out girls more. And don't give me that crap about girls wearing tight fitting clothes. My clothes was definitely loose fitting that day.

Yawn. Tired out. So there's goes another weekend. And it is Monday. Blergh. I hate Monday. You had to drag yourself out of bed to go to work. On the way to work, you are crying inside because it is the start of 5 non-fun relatively tiring days. Gaah. Peoples always were so busy on Monday, since they need to do things they put off doing on Fridays. We are more harried, stressed out, feeling like wanting to stay in bed and be fat until only a tractor can get you off your room. Did I say again I hate Monday?

My weekend is.. well. Not as what I want it to be. Okay. So I change my blog template. Do you know the insane number of colors to choose from? I like purple or pink. You know. Girly stuffs and a whole of that crap. But I am slightly nauseous looking at those really cheerful flowery template. So there. I meant here. I guess I let it be until Blogger ate my coding again.

Saturday. I dyed my hair red. Muahaha. Finally get around of doing it. The hair stylist eyebrows shot up when I opted red. He looked at me like I am some kinda insane person. What is wrong with red? I quickly corrected myself saying not the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kinda color. Dark wine. I looked at myself in the mirror when the stylist is shaking his conconction for my hair. (That sounds so wrong in a few levels). I had to do this. You know. Whatever. Right?

It is kinda like, I am the kinda person, when had made up her mind, by hook or by crook she is gonna do it. This is the reason what keeps me going on to give Lan's Petronas girl his number? I could not, not do it. It would haunt me. The ifs.

Well anyway I came home and nobody in my family noticed at first. Hey.. it IS noticeable. If I gain 0.5 kg they would immediately point it out. But I dyed my hair red? Nooo sirree. I informed my brother and he just laughed. My mom went "Huh.. really? Nampak sama aje."

Hurmph. So much of trying to look different. Maybe I should went with the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind look after all. Or tattoo my face.

Sunday. I wanted to stay in. Kemas few things here and there. But everyone is going to the Book Fair and get lunch. Not wanting to starve and the thoughts of cheap books. Haih.. I'll go.

They are a lot of peoples. But not as unbearable as the UMNO gathering. You can still at least, breathe. When searching for the Book Fair at PWTC, we heard that you need to register yourself to get in. That does not make any sense. Pushing my ways through, I found out there is 2 big events ongoing at PWTC today. The direct selling exhibition thingies and Book Fair. The registration is for the direct selling. So we get lost for a while and were dumbfounded to see the many many slimming, beauty products in 1 room. It turned out you need to walk like 3 miles to get to another hall for the book fair.

It was as what you might expect. The education and encycloepadia are the one prevalent. We had to go to the far corner of another hall to get to the novels. I think they are like only 2 booths which have novels. Pay Less Book and I forgot the other one. Another popular second hand bookshops. I forgot its name. The Pay Less booth is quite ok. Their promotion are like Buy 1 Free 1 , or Buy 2 Free 1. The book price is as its bookshop usual price. But it is kinda hard to find a decent author. Here and there Stephen King, Mary Higgins Clark (which we had borong it all, so if you guys are looking for it at that booth, you need to look a tad bit harder) , Richard North Patterson, Michael Crichton. The other authors? I just closed my eyes and jab my fingers to choose some of the books. Altogether I bought around 8 books. Some are the from the authors above, some are just books I pick randomly. Same genre. Thriller, disease, serial killers. The usual.

Yeah. I need books to nourish my soul or that kinda nonsense. Okay. No. I just like to nourish myself WHILE reading books.

I went out with a friend. Part boredom and feeling very Florence Nightingale-like forced me to accept his invitation to watch movies.

I knew it was a disaster from the start when he opened the car door for me. I told that to some of my friends, and they went like "Eleh, cakap je tak suke skang nanti-nanti suka la". Only one person laughingly immediately said , " That is definitely not to your liking,". He should know.

Anyhow, it was not that bad. But I was bored out of my mind. I S.O.S my friends to send me messages. I was even considering bolting. Since yours truly is of course the epitome of good manners, so I just grit my teeth and go through it.

I wouldn't mind so much that the guy is telling me about his ex-girlfriend which is not so coincidentally was getting engaged that day. But haih, if in the first place you want my opinion, learnt to deal with it la. The girl had the impudence to actually beg my still besotted friend that it is still time. You think this is Hindustan movie ar gal? I don't know much about the girl. But from what little I heard, I know she ain't good news. I asked him to stay away, which is when he looked at me blankly. What good meaning intentions girl will MMS the pictures of herself with her engagement dress to the person who still love her? But I can see a lost cause when I saw one. I should know. I looked at it in the mirror every day.

So i left him texting his beloved while the peoples in the Hainan shop is probably wondering why am I gleefully texting my friends in order to save my sanity.

It was not that bad actually. The food was great. The movie was marvellous. I love V for Vendetta so much. Yet , there is something missing. I guess both of us don't enjoyed the outing so much. One is thinking about a girl who is now wearing an engagement ring. While another one, is just wishing she is at home, watching anime. There was nothing remotely romantic in it. I felt like I was in a business trip. I was in fact business like. Throughout the day, I pointed out which restaurant is nice and which is not. Which is expensive and which is worthwhile . A business trip where I had to hear and listen and be the good friend in order to let someone forget.

But that role is fast losing the appeal on me. I am tired of being there for guys who had their heart broken. They were never there for me. Haih, I guess I am becoming old. Where I am now am only comfortable with my tiny circle of UTPIAN friends in KL and Bangi and Damansara (ye, ye. Ganu and Klate oso count) and my older friends in JB.

Putting yourself out there? It is scary and full of dissapointment. I believe

I was writing a rant . Ranting about how depressing life is and how hysterical I had become now.

It sounds so dreary and bleurgh~ I just decided to hit CTRL + A and delete all.
I wonder what I want to write?
Let's imagine that you readers actually care what I going to write. What do you peoples wanted to learn about me? What is the thing that you enjoy listening to? Or am I just too boring for you guys to even care? I am tempted to command you guys to come and tell me, what do you want to hear. But then, maybe the truth will be too terrible for me type or hear.

Anyway, I had a dream yesterday. Yeah, if all else fails, or life get too boring, there is always my dream.

Anyway again, I dreamt of 2 peoples. (I am not included in these dreams ) Damn! Herm.. okay Choronological based summary then peoples.

I dreamt that this guy are attracted to this tall (that definitely ruled me out of the dream), dark haired looking person with a full red mouth and dark sultry eyes. He went and tekel her ar like that. She is hostile at first but quite amused with the guy which slowly thaw her out. Like all lousy fairy tales, she proceed to fall in love.

Most of my dreams have some kind of a sick twisted plot in it right. This is not that sick and twisted. More like weird. It turned out she is a witch. ( I had been watching too much of Bewitched and Charmed )

So of course being beautiful , aloof and all, the other girls hated her. So they went and staged Carrie-like pranks. No pig blood. Milder than that.

One day they have a functions. It is held in something that look like a school gymnasium, (mcm stadium tertutup tu) and the guy ask the girl to dance right in the middle. The guy is dense in spite of his good look. When they just started to dance, suddenly the girls in the sidelines seat stood up and said "You are not welcome here," and "You are a freak, get the hell out of here" and one of the girl reach out for a pole and throw it at the girl. Then the dark haired person , showed her superpower . By just a wave of her hand, the pole is thrown back at the wall.
She looked angrily around her and at her so called boyfriend who stuttered and obviously so dense that he doesnt do anything. A feeling of betrayal came and she chose the guy to be angry at. Without saying anything she stalked out of there. The boyfriend followed but was suddenly blocked by a horse which she had conjured. I have no idea why a horse. The horse is white and have wings , and have a torch slung at its back. Its wing looks like clouds.

When he get around the horse, he noticed she is gone. He then ride the horse and take the torch to search for her. The horse seems to know where to go. It flew up and up the air towards the cloud. You could not see the difference between its wings and the clouds anymore. It then suddenly as by magic brought him to a mansion .He went into the mansion without second thoughts.

In the mansion, a big ol lady came to greet him. Smiling toothily , she said

"The girl is here. But look around"

All around him where animated miniatures dolls where each of them have their own miniature house. The dolls all look alike. Only the colours and the style of the dress are different.

"One of them is your girl. But you can only choose once. Only one time. If you had chosen the wrong doll, you must leave and never come back. You would never see her again."

He look around again while all these miniature dolls are moving around. House to house. Cleaning up their little rooms, baking cookies.

During my daily browsing of the MSN sites , I encountered a piece of Science geeks news. Saturn got water! Something we had been trying so long and hard to find in Mars. The planet of ice now are spouting geysers of waters.

I wonder if this happened because the Sun is getting hotter? Hurmph~

Anyway. We Earthlings are so gleefully excited to learn or know something of the outer space. We yearn of new life exploding somewhere out of this world. Look at the title of the article itself : Liquid water on Saturn moon could support life. Right away in our mind we are thinking along the line of Earthlings are already making a plan on how to build a home in Saturn when our own planet sea level had rise but full of toxic and the land is a radioactive waste and landfill.
Already peoples are dreaming of building hotel in the Moon. Alang-alang the moon, why not Jupiter, Saturn or Mars aight?

Then if we can support ourself in other planet, then of course came the really boring theory , "Are We Alone ?" I liked watching documentaries, exotic plants, worms eating worms, (I hate American Chopper) , some weird guys think it is fun wrestling with alligators and stuff, and hauntings and bloody histories. But never alien documentary. It is so boring and repetitive.

We get all these same data over and over again. When described, the alien will always look like this:

I used to like Bon Jovi. Back in the days when they are singing that song above, Always, Blaze of Glory. Yeah, I am an oldies rock kinda gal. Now when they are yowling on "Thank you for loving me".. and stuff , I felt like flinging the radio out of the windows. I dunno if they are mellowing to be singing like a boy band playing in a band or I just hate stupid love songs considerably.

Anyway. Love already have a bad name. It is only further stink by peoples around us when they dissapoint us in the name of love. Or something to that effect.

So of all lamentations and watching the Bachelor series, I gotta say this have to be the shortest Bachelor relationship ever. I meant the episode had just ended last week. And they had broken up. It seems like they failed to ignite the sparks that we are unsure if we even see this during the Bachelor series stint. Gasp. Maybe Effi is right. He is gay in spite of this. He just want to go to Paris and lived in a chateau for a short while. That must be it.

So hurray to love and for peoples looking for it. It is just as easy to find and threw in it a mud and step on it for it to be dirtied. Am I feeling outraged that this couple split? No. It is to be expected. Love ain't a fairytale, after all. It is an everyday thing.

But lets not philosophised on it, again. I had done it to death already.

And you know something. Sometimes men are such arse. Some men, then. ( Or the barbarians will go and threw hatchet at me) They went all macho like , blowing smoke from their ciggies , thump each other back and howl with laughter over a glas of teh tariks. Then if it come that time when they get all insecure and tell that if not to their girlfriends or to the girls who are available over sms or YM. What? You gonna deny you never get insecure? Yeah right (sniggers can be heard from each corner of the earth). Lament lament on how worthless they feel, their friends do not care about them , that girl ignore them, life is hard, felt like killing self by driving car over the bridge or whatever.

We girls of course build with bigger estrogen so genetically somehow it is supposed to infuse us with more sympathy substance, will pat their ego, saying No No, the world loved you, we loved you, all natures are actually in rythmn being in love you. Something like that.

Then they got back their friends or girlfriends, then we are suddenly facing the days alone counting the bytes in and out of our computer due to sheer boredom. I know. I will married my computer.

Wait. Okay. Maybe that can or cannot be the case. But then, what about when we want to pour our inner beings. I can talk to the stray cats beyond my house and they will understand or at least look at me sympathetically. To them? Nah. That is now as I understand can be considered laughable. If they even took you seriously. If not, they will dismiss you. Or like Uh.. I know but I think it is better if you talk this over to someone else. Or just sigh.

Hey, I love you. You know that. I meant you uncomplicated beings. Girls and cats everywhere.

I am bored. I have a headache. I am a tad bit irritated by peoples today.

My stimix (streamyx) is back on this morning. Yeay. On Thursday it suddenly died on me. The connection in showing all fine and marvellous. Then suddenly, when I even tried to connect to even http://www.google.com, it came up with "The Page Cannot Be Displayed". I tried again. The computer shut itself and the light behind me flickered. Weird. Reminded me of my attempt to get the computer connected to modem last month at JB, and when I turn the modem on and off, the computer restarted itself. If I want to shut down the computer? No need to press on Shut Down. Just tap on the modem button, and the computer will turn itself off. Stupid computers kept on playing prank with me.

Not to mention I had somehow use the QuickClean and deleted the torrents file of all my currently downloading file. Blargh~ Stupid function. Even though I had chosen for it to ignore that particular files, it still managed to happily clean up my folder. I have to search and start it all over again.

I got so sick of it all in the weekend and since I am not that hot and bothered to get to the Internet, so I couldnt care less. Let somebody else called the Streamyx helpline and get all irritated. But the the bored level is unbelievable. So I managed to see one DVD of all the DVDs that had been bought and pinjam and curi from all this time. Not to mention my sister remarked, "Why are you suddenly lepaking watching TV ?" To which my other sister informed "There is no Internet to amuse her."

Yes. I must be a geek. An ultimate geek who's life revolves around the computer. Now that is just pathetic. Needs to find more hobbies to make life less pitiful.

I hadn't manage to download the latest episode yet. But I guess I will for my sister, who is hooked seeing it too. Ahh.. family shares more than just genes I guess.

Anyway.. The conclusion, Dr. McDreamy, I meant the Travis Stork Bachelor Season 8 chose the nearest girl he can access to which is Sarah. The girl who lived just half a mile from his house. Accessible, easy to date, no telephone bill expenses, convenient, an easy to maintain girlfriend while juggling a job as a Resident ER doctor.

I didn't mention Sarah before aight? Wholesome sweet girls that seems kinda like the perfect mother, perfect daughter, perfect niece, perfect teacher and friend. Bit perfect. I don't think she's that beautiful anyway. Just nice looking, pretty, girl next door. But make up can make anyone look beautiful. Hey, gave me an army of make up artist and stuffs, and they will transform a train wreck like me to a girl you can only dream about. Illlusion, baby. It is all just your eyes playing trick on you.

But I like Sarah because she is not all weepy and moony like Moana had become. Sobbing in the video saying how much she liked him. Hey, I can't promise I won't sob too if I were to tell a guy I like him, but its just too DRAMA for reality shows for me to stomach. But it is fun to watch or viewers would fall asleep. Sarah is the friendship first and you can talk about anything kinda girl. Nice. At last a guy who is not looking at boobs. Wait maybe she does have that too. (smack own head) Of course la, or she wouldnt be chosen in the first place.

Well, dunno la if the happy couple will stay together or not. The Bachelor word at the end, sounded like dating-first-i-wont-promise-anything-but-there-is-a-big-probability-i-will-dump-you. But I guess she will have an advantage if she will be dumped compare to other ordinary girls. More guys would notice her.

Hey , I did not post any weekly updates. First episode and last episode only.