Sharon in Wonderland

There's a side of chronic pain and mental illness you don't see. Another face. It's after you've just had it. After you've absolutely had it emotionally, mentally, and physically. It's when your mascara from the day is running down your face inching further away from your inner eyelids where you spent all morning getting your eyeshadow just right. You winged your eyeliner perfectly and now it's just a black blur. The tears fall off your eyelashes like raindrops fall off leaves after a fresh rain. The glitter from your lids slide down their pathway across your cheeks. The blush has been gone. Your lipstick smudges and doesn't look as beautiful as before these feelings began. Your nose gets stuffy and red from how upset you are feeling and it shows. Your foundation starts melting off where the tears have now left their cleansing residue journey across those blushless cheeks. You just really want to wash your face, curl up in your bed, and cry a little more...

Does your heart ever get so heavy, you feel you can't carry the load? You look left, then look right, just for someone to hold? Do you ever just feel you need to vent out your thoughts? Just lay silently down still all alone in the dark? Does your mind start racing with things you cant control? Like a spinning tornado without a loophole? If you've felt this way, just know that you're never alone. I've been there before, more than once I've felt cold. I've got good news to share with you, though about this. There's someone who cares and He's not just a wish. No matter where you feel depressed or down, He's protecting and guarding you without a sound. There's no need to reach out and feel for his hand, Just close your eyes and know He has a plan. There's no greater friend that I've found more than Jesus, He's more than any man and all He wants is to free us.

I see God in the blue birds, hopping down the limbs of the trees, Flying to each other knowing they'll always fly free I see God in the sunlight, bright and so magnificent, shining down into my eyes to remind me that I'm vigilant I see God in the sunset, a canvas painted from the day, showing me that once more He's made a reason to sing out praise I see God in the starry skies, a darkness that still has light, this is a symbol of a close to a day with much delight I see God in the moon, which shows me one last thing, that as I end my day with Him, that tomorrow still has my dreams

With the rolling of the thunder I know that I'm alive Every breath I'm taking is a sign I've still survived The rain drops hit the roof and all that comes into my mind Is that even the clouds need a little time to let go and unwind The storm rolls in along this beaten old town country road The moon is out, the sun asleep, just me and a tree toad The wind is fierce and blowing hard, but peace, be still, with me God blessed me with much more than I could ever even believe He made the Heavens and the earth and me and you and them Now it's time to say my prayers and sing my nightly hymn

Lord, you have unblinded me from all that I once saw You've come into my life and now I want to give you my all I now can see and feel things that I once used to ignore Your love and grace and mercy now are all things I adore You had to get my attention in a not so pleasant way I'd take this pain and so much more to join you above one day Thank you for forgiving me for all the wrongs I've done I'm finally transforming into the woman I want to become

Through your word O' God I feel you when everything else is so loud, I get caught up in the world and my mirror makes me feel proud I close my eyes and concentrate on the promises You've made, my ego starts to wither away, from the price that Jesus paid You didn't have to save us from the horrors of our sin, but You so selflessly did so and Your word speaks that You win When I don't think I can make it through another day of pain, Your grace then is sufficient and pours down on me like rain You've silenced all the voices that were telling me those lies, the devil hates that I'm your daughter, but you've shown me I'll survive When I think back to all the trouble that you spared me from, I cry out not because I'm sad, but because I've chosen where to come Your love is a safe place in this dark scary world that makes us weep, but in the end your children we are and we are yours to keep Sharon of Glittered Atonement