Saving Aeneas

It's seems odd that I've been blogging for almost 10 months and I've barely even mentioned Vietnam's most ubiquitous mode of conveyance: the motorbike. Sometimes it seems as if Saigon is not really a city but some kind of vast parking lot and testing ground for the two-wheeled menace. They crowd the streets (of course- but also the sidewalks, the alleys, and every place they can possibly be parked.

For people who are either semi-blind or desperately poor and cannot afford their own motorbike, the motorbike taxis (or 'xe om' or 'hugging bike', referring to the old practice of holding the driver by the waist) It's surprising to see how many of the older ones can speak English...and when they ask you where you're from and hear 'America' they tend to give a thumbs-up and say 'Ah, America very good! Numba one!'.

The reason for this becomes obvious if you talk to them a little. A high proportion of the motorbike drivers used to work for the American forces in VN or at least served in the South Vietnamese Army. After Reunification their employment options were limited and driving a motorbike was practically their only way to make a living.

The only trouble (once you can avoid being overcharged) is the at this point I happen to know my way around Saigon better than most of the drivers, but they won't listen to me either because my Vietnamese is lousy or because I'm a foreigner.

Last weekend I headed out to Dalat, some six hours north of Saigon, to take in some fresh air. I had heard about as 'Le Petit Paris' of Vietnam, and while I wouldn't go that far it was a perfectly nice place to visit.

Legend has it that 'DALAT' is an acronym for 'Dat Aliis Laetitiam Aliis Temperiem' ("Giving Pleasure to Some, Freshness to Others") Like most legends, this is too charming to be true.

Dalat is known as the 'City of Flowers' for its extensive flower markets. Also renowned are Dalat strawberries and (somewhat incongruously) the local artichoke tea.

Dalat is most famous as the honeymoon capital of Vietnam, the picturesque vistas, flower gardens, and mild climate allowing couples to contemplate their future together without choking on dust on being drowned in their own sweat.

Also, Dalat has it's own mini version of the Eiffel Tower:


Of course, because is so elevated and doesn't have the pollution of Saigon this makes the sun much stronger, as I discovered when I became horribly sunburned. But I suppose that is my own fault.

One thing it is very hard to be in Saigon is cold.

Oh sure, there are over-air-conditioned rooms here and there, but they're not much fun, and in any case they make my glasses fog up.

For cold - REAL cold, snow and ice and danger of hypothermia - you might be able to go all the way north to Sapa, but even then it's not a sure thing.

At some level all people desire the new, however, and to provide it the Dam Sen amusement park (out in distant District 11) has created the Ice Palace, an extra-cold room (basically a freezer) which has palaces, pagodas, and other impressive buildings carved out of the ice. Thoughtfully, the management hands out parkas at the entrance because most people inexplicably forgot to bring their own.

Unfortunately, ice is kind of boring, even when it's been carved into buildings. It's colorless and smooth and blandly uniform. So, the obvious solution was to fill it with oddly-colored lights. Viz:




I wish I could rent that place out for parties...

Well, we all knew it would happen eventually...

Burger King is coming to Vietnam. The first location will be on Le Loi street sometimes toward the end of May. I never went to Burger King in the States very much; now, like Samuel L. Jackson, I find myself basically a vegetarian, but I do love the taste of a good burger.

This is apparently in a move to counter Mcdonald's, which is opening it's first location in Hanoi around the same time. It could start a new war...

Well, ultimately I suppose this isn't really any worse than the proliferation of Lotteria and KFC, but there's something about the two ultimate American burger chains moving in that has a this-is-the-end feel to it...soon even the chain stores in Vietnam will look the same as everywhere else.

Ironically, the BK is opening not far from I Love Burger, a local place which strives to create a 1950s American hamburger-joint atmosphere, and may ultimately be run out of business by the real thing.

Update: I found out why this was so long in coming. Until recently, Vietnam had a series of protectionist measures in place which mandated that all international chains had to use Vietnamese produce. Apparently the quality of beef and potatoes here is too low even for a fast-food-chain, and so they stayed away. Now that VN has joined the WTO such restrictions have been lifted, and Burger King will use beef from Aussie and potatoes from Singapore.

As noted previously, the Vietnamese authorities are notably squeamish about what they allow people to see in terms of sex and violence.

Also, the Vietnamese haven't really cottoned onto 'malls' yet. Oh sure, there are department stores (always 'plazas') like Diamond and Parkson, but in terms of a mall - that is, a large space with numerous discrete shops in it - there are only one or two.

One of these is Saigon Center, on the corner of Le Loi and Pasteur. The ground floor is cafes, the second floor used to a combination of things, and the third floor is furniture and utensils. Anyway, I was wondering around there the other day when I stumbled upon this (do not scroll down if you happen to be at work right now):
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Not only is this way over the top for a country which won't allow women in bras in to appear on TV, but as a concept it just seems kind of....odd. Yes, come in, take a seat. Haven't you always wondered what it would be like to sit inside someone's ass? Well, wonder no more.

I guess it is a talking point...