The Ogre's Library

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A warforged's got oil for blood
Metal and wood and steel and bronze
A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day's orders and ya ain't free yet
Sweet Maker don't you scrap me 'cause I don't know....
What happens to a warforged when he ain't no mo'

If you see me coming
Better step aside
Lotta men didn't, lotta men died
Got one fist of iron, the other of steel
If the left one don't get you
Then the right one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day's orders and ya ain't free yet
Sweet Maker don't you scrap me 'cause I don't know....
What happens to a warforged when he ain't no mo'

I was made by the Cannith, I was rune-forged
Given a sword and sent to the wars
I was raised by a sergeant on the front line
Though it's made of stone, got a heart like a lion

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day's orders and ya ain't free yet
Sweet Maker don't you scrap me 'cause I don't know....
What happens to a warforged when he ain't no mo'

A short filk about college debt I co-authored with Steven Brust.

I will admit to a degree of squeeing that I get to do this sometimes. My years of writing weird lyrics to existing songs pays off!

Another of my filks, that someone reminded me of:

Standing in the rain, with his head hung low
Couldnt get a copy, it was a sold out sto'
Heard the roar of the game, he could picture the scene
Put his eyes to the glass, then like a distant scream

He heard one combat, just blew him away
He saw games in his mind, and the very next day
Bought a beat up dee ten in a secondhand store
Didnt know how to play, but he knew for sure

That one combat, seemed good in his head
Didnt take long, to understand
Just one dee ten, swung way down low
Was a one way ticket, only one way to go

So he started gamin'
Aint never gonna stop
Gotta keep on gamin'
Someday hes gonna make it to the top

And be a WHITE BOX HERO, got orcs on his mind
Hes a WHITE BOX HERO
He took one dee ten, White Box Hero, orcs on his mind
WHITE BOX HERO, hell come alive tonight

In a town without a name, in a heavy downpour
Thought he passed fourth level, by the tavern door
Like a trip through the past, to that day in the rain
And that one dee ten made his whole life change

Now he needs to keep gamin'
He won't get bored
Gotta keep on gamin'
That boy has got to be a Lord!

'Cause he's a white box hero, got orcs on his mind
He's a white box hero, got a plus one sword
Yeah, white box hero, just four levels more
With that one dee ten he'll come alive
Come alive tonight

Now he needs to keep gamin'
He won't get bored
Gotta keep on gamin'
That boy has got to be a Lord!

And be a WHITE BOX HERO, got orcs on his mind
Hes a WHITE BOX HERO, got a plus one sword
Just one dee ten, put stars in his eyes
He's just a white box hero, aah aah aah
White box hero, white box hero, hes got orcs on his mind
Orcs on his mind

Another of my old filks, based on Bob Seeger's Rock and Roll Never Forgets. I was reminded of it recently on Dragonsfoot when someone who'd been away a while came back to gaming, and thought I'd have it post on GMs Day.

So you're a little bit older and a lot less bolder
Than you used to be
So you used to shake a die
But now you stop and think about your dignity
So now geek sixteen's turned thirty-one
You get to feelin weary when the work days done
Well all you got to do is get up, get some dee six
to get your fix
Come back baby
D&D never forgets

You better make yourself a fighter
Go down to the gamestore or the local mall
Check the local BBS
Chances are you wont have to go too far
Yeah the rafters will be ringing as the game goes on
The group will be shouting as they're playin' along
And all you got to do is get in into the mix
If you need a fix
Come back baby
D&D never forgets
Oh the bards still playing it loud and lean
Listen to the fighters all making 'em scream
All you got to do is just make that scene tonight
Heh tonight

Well now geek sixteens turned thirty-one
Feel a little tired feeling under the gun
Well all Gary's children are out there getting their fix
With three dee six
Come back baby
D&D never forgets
Said you can come back baby
D&D never forgets

This is something I wrote in 2009 for GMs Day. As GMs Day rolls around (on March 4th of each year), remember to thank the people who make your fun possible; GMs, designers (both professional and homebrew), and the players who aren't dicks.

So, one of the on-going arguments in fantasy gaming is "Do dwarven women have beards?" To which the answer is, of course, "The pretty ones do." I like for dwarven women to have beards because I think it emphasizes that they're an alien species, with a different conception of beauty than is common in human society. Elves are the little waif-fu human fantasies... dwarves are something else entirely, eschewing human notions of beauty for their own.

As the song says... Hairy face makes for Dwarven Beauty.

A few years ago (thinking about it, the first goes back more than a decade, to when I was in school), I did a number of filks based around fantasy gaming, including some songs about dwarven women. Here they are, for the modern reader: