My daughter starts 7th grade next week. My first born is growing up. I remember when the girls were small, I couldn't wait to see what they would grow up to be. What kind of people they would become. Hannah is getting old enough I feel as though I am getting glimpses of the woman she is growing into. For the past four years, I have almost not noticed how much growing up she has been doing. And even though she started middle school last year, I was relieved that she was a bit of a tomboy and wasn't into boys and makeup and catty girl mind games. I got to keep my little girl a little longer. . . even if that meant she wore jeans and hoodies and converse shoes that got mixed up with the boys' shoes on a regular basis. Most of Hannah's friends, you see, are boys.
When we lived in Utah, Hannah was pretty girly. All her friends were girly and into dress-ups and clothes and dolls--and we had plenty of love-hate girl drama. At the beginning of third grade we moved here, and the first person she met was Jacob. He became her best friend and has remained so ever since. So in the 5th grade when the girls at school would cluster together in the school yard and giggle about boys, all the while smoothing their hair and refreshing their lip gloss, Hannah would innocently suggest they actually go hang out with the boys instead of just talking about them. When they refused, acting as though she was suggesting they fly to the moon, rather than walk across the school yard and do what they had been doing for years, she would simply shrug her hoodie clad shoulders and join the boys out on the ball field. She didn't worry about fashion, she could hardly be bothered to shower regularly, and she sure didn't wear lip gloss! The only concession she made, was when she drew a red star on her black and white converse so she could differentiate her shoes from the three other boys' shoes after they had kicked them in a pile on the side of the gym.
When she was in sixth grade, I took her to a hair salon and let her get highlight and a layered hair cut. I thought perhaps we could instill a little girliness in her--or at least a little feminine hygiene. She came home and announced that her friends hardly noticed her hair--they are boys after all--but she was pleased that Adam had noticed the highlights and Karl had noticed the cut. Everyone else looked at her like "Who cares?" when she asked them if they had noticed. She even bought a couple outfits that consisted of more than jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts. Or course, the first time she wore her denim skirt with leggings to school, Jacob looked at her and stated, "You're wearing a dress!" with confusion coloring his voice. "I am a girl." was Hannah's reply. "I know," Jacob admitted, "but THAT is not your style!" To which Hannah shrugged. . . and joined the boys in a game of foursquare. I thought maybe change was coming, until the day she came home from school and found me in the kitchen.
"Mom," she started, plunking down on a bar stool. "Did you know there are girls who get up like two hours before school and shower and blow dry their hair and curl it and put makeup on--every day?!"
I smiled. "Most girls do. Would you like to start doing that?"
"NO! Why would I want to do that?" Alas, her girly-hood had not arrived.
At Christmas time, her one close girl friend (who was taking the fashion world of middle school by storm--insisting she must wear her sun glasses in doors because it looked cool, and they matcher her outfit), moved to Alaska. Leaving Hannah in a sea boys. One day I picked Hannah up from school during lunch and was greeted with a table of 15 jostling boys. . . and Hannah. But for Christmas, one of those boys sent a present home with her--a necklace. Hannah looked mildly embarrassed about it when asked, but wore it for a while and didn't mention the boy's name more than any other boy she hung out with.
On Valentine's Day, she brought home a candy heart, a small stuffed teddy bear, and a necklace--all of which she reluctantly admitted were from the same boy. But still she didn't mention him often. She continues to play legos with Jacob and barely thought about her appearance.
By the end of the school year, Hannah was stealing my clothes and shoes (she is now my same shoe size) on a regular basis (despite the oft repeated claim that MY style was NOT her style), because no matter how often I offered to take her shopping for new clothes she would balk. She hates shopping more than I do. Though, she mostly just "borrowed" t-shirts and casual shoes.
When Hannah's one good girl friend moved away, we let the girls open facebook accounts so they could more easily keep in touch. Neither of them use it often (though they both are beginning to more now), and all Hannah's activity gets sent to my email, so I can keep track of what's going on. Very little is going on. Many of Hannah's female friends make picture collages on a regular basis that she is often included in, and they make a lot of 1-5 word comments filled with abbreviated spelling: lol (laugh out loud) idk (I don't know) omg (Oh my gosh) gtg (got to go), etc., and a lot of bad spelling! But little else. However, a a month or so ago I was amused to see an email pop up in Hannah's fb account that read:
Christopher has updated his relationship status to say that you two are in a relationship.
Please confirm this relationship status:
I laughed. This was THE boy. It reminded me of when I was in grade school and a boy (or girl) would pass a note that read, "I like you, do you like me? Check the box." Is this how one asks one out these days? Or was this simply a formality and I had missed the official request? All I know is Hannah rarely checks her messages, so after about a week I mentioned it to her. She blushed and acted embarrassed, and didn't "confirm the relationship" for a couple of weeks. I know I was watching. So she kept the poor boy in suspense for a while. Good for her. Not that she seems to take the whole thing too seriously, but still.
The same day she "confirmed," She asked me to curl her hair for her. So we did her up. I even let her try a little mascara, because I really wanted to see how long those eye lashes were. Seriously long. She enjoyed the girly time and wanted me to take her picture so she could update her facebook picture and then asked if we could go somewhere. She stood in my bathroom doorway and hesitated while I put stuff away.
"Mom," She started quietly.
"Yes?"
"You know how you say if you get all cleaned up it makes you feel good. . . and, like, more confident?"
"Yes. Are you feeling confident?" I asked
"Yes. Are we going anywhere today?" I knew just how she felt. Some days, when you feel like you look really good, you just want to go somewhere and show it off. Sure looks aren't everything, and certainly not most important, but sometimes feeling good about yourself, even your looks, is nice. Her girly-hood is starting to arrive. I hope it's mild. I'm kind of partial to my little tomboy. I like the mostly drama free friendships she has with boys. I'm not looking forward to worrying about boyfriends--neither is her father. He got one look at the pictures we took and said, "That's not good! I might need a bigger gun."
Rather than freak out about her growing up, we are trying to make it a smooth transition (though we often freak out on the inside!). We recently took her shopping and stopped by the MAC store and let her get her first make-up (mascara, lip gloss and blush), and even had the girl working there put it on her and show her how to do it herself. And just last week she asked if she could subscribe to a magazine, so her dad helped her pick one out. THAT was fun to watch! And her new school clothes? Hardly a hoodie in sight!
She's a beautiful girl, inside and out. And she is making such good choices. She has become so much more responsible, even babysitting her sister for short periods and doing her chores more willingly. She also joined the mentor group at school and looks forward to helping out the new six graders when school starts. When I look at her I realize her whole life is ahead of her and it's filled with endless possibilities. If nothing else, I hope she keeps her ability to do her own thing, and that she realizes she is capable of doing anything she sets her mind to do.