As the marginally more violent brother to Bloodsport, 1989's Kickboxer is a decent cinematic companion to the underground tournament flick, but manages to have more in common with a Rocky movie than anything else. What fresh hell is this? You might ask. Rocky? No way. Yes way. See, there's a big difference between Bloodsport and Kickboxer and it never really hit me until just watching it now. Bloodsport is a tournament flick, Kickboxer is a one-on-one vendetta-fight flick. Which means Bloodsport can be grouped in with Enter the Dragon, Mortal Kombat, Undisputed, The Best of the Best, Bloodfist, and hell... even The Karate Kid is a tournament flick. Kickboxer is not, and it makes a world of difference.

   Following up Kickboxer 2 with Bloodsport really put things into perspective for me. Bloodsport is an okay movie, not a great one and aaaarguably not even a "good" one, but it's a fun one and I like it a lot. But, this is one of a handful of movies that kinda set the bar for low-rent fighting movies. It's halfway between Mortal Kombat and Enter the Dragon, with the former being on a low rung, and the latter being of the highest class in the genre. Bloodsport moves with confidence and charisma. It's easy to watch, and even easier to quote. What the hell is a dim mak after all?

   I'm a major Fan Damme, so you could imagine it was a struggle for me to bring myself to watch Kickboxer 2. It's a cash grab sequel to a movie that didn't need one and worse yet, it doesn't even have the star from the original. There's no way this movie could be good. Right? Right...? Well, sorta right. Also sorta wrong. Kickboxer 2 is a mixed bag for sure, but it's still a lot of fun. I can't stress that enough, if you're a fan of the genre (the low-budget, direct-to-video, unnecessary-sequel-to-a-fighting-and/or-ninja-movie genre), you're more than likely going to enjoy Kickboxer 2. I know I did.

  I suppose there's another interesting conversation to be prompted by Death Wish 3, and like it's predecessor before it- it's a not-so-interesting movie. But, that's all irrelevant because Death Wish 3 is outright in-your-face crazy. It's far from the meticulous and calculating revenge thrillers of Death Wish 1 & 2, it's... something else. It's climax wouldn't be out of place in a Rambo movie, and the wit sizzles with the snappiness of a Dirty Harry flick. This isn't a low key vigilante movie- like the other two before it. This is an all-out action fest. Not that I'm complaining. This movie focuses less on sexual violence (although again, it's not entirely absent- regretfully) and more on widespread chaos and carnage- and apparently, Architect-turned-vigilante, Paul Kersey... is the right guy to clean these streets up.

  This post-apocalyptic action movie is a damn sight darker than your average world-in-ruins flick. The first few scenes show the devastation up close and with chilling visuals. One of the first things we see is the bloodied and naked corpse of a crucified woman just hanging there as things happen around it. All the characters are so jaded, nobody even notices. As the scene goes on, we see more bodies, dismembered, bloodied, et cetera. This scene would have way more effect if one of the bad guys in it wasn't a sweaty bodybuilding meathead with a perfectly cut 80's mullet. The movie is full of jarring contrasts like that, the least of which have anything to do with it's star- the then-rising star, Mr.Van Damme himself.

   It's really saying something when you can safely say this movie is probably one of the weirdest in Cannon's whole library of movies. It's horror-comedy that stands in stark contrast to it's almost cinéma vérité predecessor. It's big, it's loud, it's silly and over-the-top and somehow really really disturbing to boot. Director Tobe Hooper, who also did the first one, had no interest in a straight-faced sequel, and the producers apparently didn't quite get it. They thought they just had a dud of a horror movie on their hands. Something completely un-scary that nobody would ever wanna watch. Well, it is divisive- and I disagree about it being completely un-scary, it has some pretty terrifying scenes towards the end. Still, no matter how you slice (and dice) it, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 is weird as hell.

  I didn't expect much from this mid-80's thriller. As a Cannon film, it doesn't really fit in their usual wheelhouse. There's no major action hero, no martial arts, no ninjas, no war, none of that stuff. Instead it's a gritty survival thriller with two escaped convicts on a runaway train. This isn't a premise with a lot of wiggle room. I mean, you either deliver a taut, suspense-filled flick, or you don't, and your movie sucks. Much to my surprise, Runaway Train is actually rather great. Jon Voight and Eric Roberts play the two convicts, and somehow everything just clicks. Their acting is phenomenal, the script is great, the direction is simply electric. Everything about this movie just... works. It's a massive well-oiled machine that runs on pure unleaded tension.

   There's a scene in this movie where Chuck Norris' character says "I'm gonna hit you with so many rights, you're gonna beg for a left." with a completely straight face. If that doesn't make you smile, you're not the right audience for this movie. It has an interesting premise, albeit a mostly squandered one. Squads of terrorists infiltrate America, and disguise themselves as police officers, guards, soldiers- etc, and then set out on a campaign of chaos and carnage. Thus... effectively turning the American people against their own protectors. This movie could never be more cultural relevant than right now, except it never will be because the movie doesn't do much with this concept and it devolves into Chuck Norris vs. several hundred of stock bad guys.

  Cannon sequels are great. Last night, before I decided on Death Wish 2, my other two options were American Ninja 2, and Delta Force 2. There's no way you can have a bad time there, no matter what you choose. Though, decidedly I'm a sucker for the more in-your-face, over-the-top kind of punch-em-up, slice-em-up, action flick like American Ninja 2 is. Nothing against Bronson and his brand of justice, I just really like these hokey-but-violent ninja movies. I took the liberty of inviting my little brothers to watch this one with me, and they loved it- of course. What pre-teen boy wouldn't get the biggest kick out a flick like this? They were also very appreciative of the humor in the movie, which was rather cheesy- but I can't deny it, I laughed too.

  It donned on me in the first ten minutes or so while watching Death Wish II, that I was getting impatient waiting for whatever tragedy that would prompt Paul Kersey (Bronson) to pick up his old... 'hobby'. I realized this from a completely detached perspective and I had a horrible knee-jerk reaction to it. I was literally getting impatient, waiting for some innocent people to get maimed- likely raped and killed, so that the movie could finally get underway. It puts the viewer in a weird predicament. We want to see movies where the bad guys get what's coming to them- which is in this case, murder, but that means innocent people have to get seriously hurt first. Otherwise we can't justify enjoying the subsequent revenge/violence.

  Continuing with my Cannon film binge, Enter the Ninja was next up- the only one out of the ninja 'trilogy' I hadn't seen. Starring... Franco Nero (the original Django) as a Texan named Cole... who's also a ninja... who goes to the Philippines to meet an old friend, and ends up fighting a personal war for said friend against some greedy land developers. I didn't make any of that up. I mean, this "trilogy" gets crazier with each entry, and I believe this was the middle one.  This is a mash up of wildly different cliches and tropes which somehow come together to make a really fun and ridiculous movie. Nero is dubbed with a stereotypical American accent, and it sounds rather silly to me. Not necessarily a bad dub, but still.

  Digging through old musty VHS bargain bins at out of the way pawn shops and old rental joints and you're likely to find plenty of 'Cannon' movies. A film studio that would produce hundreds of low to medium budget movies from 1963 to 1993.  These movies are cinematic junk food. Most made on a shoestring budget or on a quick money-grab whim. They aren't exactly synonymous with terms like 'good' or 'quality', god forbid the terms ever meet 'good quality'. To call anything in their lower rung of titles 'good quality' would be an insult to the adjectives themselves. However... you can definitely, and with clear conscience, attach 'fun' and 'carefree' to most of these flicks. Enter: Revenge of the Ninja.