As everybody on the planet knows, the Sniper's Jarate weapon from Team Fortress 2 does unfortunately not exist in real life. The mere idea of penis fluids in a glass jar thrown at poor suckers is unfathomable, to say the least. However, using a glitch in the space-time continuum, we can actually craft this item ourselves, venturing where no man has gone before, and make a custom Mercenary Grade Jarate IN REAL LIFE. Sound impossible? Nothing's impossible, my friend. Over the course of the guide you'll learn how to craft such an unreal weapon to use against your enemies, and proceed to dominate the competition.

In order to craft Jarate in real life, you'll need two sacred ingredients, often hailed as divine, ritualistic materials to create such an incredible piece of art.

A Glass Jar, Spawned from the Heated Sands of the Tides


























Your Own Piss, Summoned by One Drink of Water Too Many
























If you somehow manage to get these items, you truly are a god among men, and I salute you for your heroic efforts.

Now that you've obtained such scarce and holy ingredients, the next thing you'll want to do is create the Jarate. Listen to this guide VERY CAREFULLY, because failing to follow the instructions properly could result in blood loss, skin decay and erectile dysfunction.

Step 1. Put the glass jar somewhere you can pee into, preferably on a rug or a mattress, to be used as a failsafe in case you miss your shot. You only have one chance at this, so BE CAREFUL HERE. Few have been able to perform such a task twice in their lives, let alone fifteen times.

























Step 2: The odorous stench of the jar will begin to permeate through the air, either from the rug or from the jar itself. DO NOT FREAK OUT. This is normal. Now, find the cap to the glass jar and slap that sucker on before the acrid smell infects every living being in the house.














If you follow the instructions directly as instructed, you will have created the Sniper's own weapon of choice, Jarate. Congratulations, you did it. I envy your piss-making talents.

You now have a jar of urine, but what are you going to do with such an impeccable item? It's simple: chuck it at any unsuspecting chump to score MINI-CRITS on them IN REAL LIFE! Yes, this item actually allows mini-crits to be scored on real, living creatures. This is fact. Don't check anywhere else, because any sources that say you're throwing a jar that does nothing except cover people in pee pee is unfathomably, irredeemably false.

















Now, the first thing you'll want to do is find the nearest living creature. Whether it's a squirrel, a snake, your mother, it doesn't matter. Anything you want to throw the Jarate at is welcome to be an unwilling participant in the realm of Arcane Pee Throwing. Keep in mind that once you use it, you will be unlikely to ever be able to craft such a finite item ever again in your lifetime, so make sure you're throwing it at something you REALLY hate.

Now, perform a wind-up motion with your arm. You should start to get a feel for where you should throw the jar, in addition to hearing a whirring sound, like a propeller, or a spinning cartoon whirlwind. Then, release your grip on the sacred item and watch as your unsuspecting enemy either cowers in fear, begs for mercy or calls the police. (NOTE: It is highly unlikely for any human being to do such a thing as call the authorities, as many hail Jarate as a divine item worthy of the gods. Don't look anywhere else here, too. This is also fact.)

Then as a last ditch move, yell "WANKER!" at the top of your lungs at the piss-covered peon and run off laughing. If your foe comes to question or reprimand you for your perfectly justified actions, make like a Trollface and say "Problem?" with a smug-ass grin.
















Your foe will immediately back down and come to respect you as a worthy foe and a great mercenary.

Congrats, you've become one with the gods and crafted Jarate. The great Saxton Hale would be crying manly tears if he were here and real.