How not to handle a licensing violation

Absolutely not. The purpose behind the limited disclosure rules for security vulnerabilities is to limit exposure of public systems until a solution is found. It's a public safety concern.

This whole brouhaha, as far as I can tell, is about hurt feelings, decorum, and email etiquette. In what possible way can that be considered morally or practically equivalent? Remember that the real issue here was a copyright and license violation, and that issue was resolved successfully and quickly. Your suggestion is just a band-aid for avoiding the resulting flame war.

Developers are, as a rule, socially insensitive jerks and flame wars happen all the time. Why does this one deserve special treatment? My guess is that it's because one of the biggest bomb throwers was the leader of a high profile project, and as a result lots of high profile people were embarrassed. I'm sorry, but "don't embarrass important people" seems like a pretty obscure and special case requirement for a development process.

And, by way of full disclosure: these flame wars aren't exactly without value. I'll come right out and admit that this was one of the most entertaining I've read in years. It's right up there with Tannenbaum vs. Torvalds, or Tridgell vs. McVoy in my book. I mean, let's just admit it: this kind of train wreck can make for a pretty great afternoon's reading for those of us not directly involved.