The Nickerbocker’s Tale (The Lost Book Behind... Candle Cove?)

The dawne in that Irish harbour was a queer'd hour. As the Skie was dy’d in hues of grey and orange, the Towne seem’d to have awaken’d that day with a groane rather then a deep breath.

Okay, so...

I first heard about this book back in like 2015, through the absolute hellsite that is the Candle Cove Fandom Wiki. You know, that cursed little corner of the Internet where people write fake character bios, episode guides, production trivia, and treat the show from the creepypasta like it actually aired in the 70s. I know, I was 15 and obsessed, leave me alone.

Anyway, there was this entry for "The Nickerbocker’s Tale," supposedly a children’s book from 1767 written by a non-existent Irish poet named Collin Caulkry that allegedly inspired the TV series. I always figured it was just another shitty bit of fanfiction some bored user wrote at 3 AM while drinking Monster with two extra spoons of sugar.

Like yeah, sure, 18th-century Irish pirate fever dream involving pirates, sea witches, child abductions, enchanted shanties, and a villain called The Skin-Taker who has nothing to do with that skeleton from the creepypasta but still makes the Slenderman look like a guidance counselor.

Percival stood, arms crossed like an old widow’s wrath. “O Melos, shouldn’ ye be sucklin’ pap still? This be men’s business.”

But then...

Last month, someone actually published the goddamn thing on Amazon.

WHAT?

It’s a whole book. With the same name, same author... Same everything: It is literally exactly what the wiki says the book was, chapter by chapter. Including the weird songs, the broken chronology, the illustrations, and the parts where the narrator just gives up and lets the characters sing sea shanties about death and regret. It’s weird as hell and honestly way better than it has any right to be.

“Yer luck’s strong, boy,” said he Skin-Taker, soft and chill. The very walls seem’d to bow inward at his voice. Izod shiver’d. “I do not oft spare pirates.”

So now I’m sitting here like:

• Did some psycho actually write a full book matching the wiki just to commit to a bit on a wiki no one reads?
• Or has this thing always existed and the wiki kids knew something we didn’t?

I genuinely don’t know anymore. I managed to get a copy of it, made a PDF version and now I’m uploading it here because:

1. I need other people to witness this madness.
2. It’s allegedly a book from the 1767 so it’s probably public domain???
3. Even if it’s not, sue me, Caulkry. I dare you.

Anyway. Enjoy the weirdest pirate book you’ll read this year, or whatever.