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2025 Operator Log

Operators continue to be increasingly lax at logging their calls, but at least somewhat less so about answering them, and they’re not paid or anything, so it’s not like they’re going to get fired unless for misconduct. Some of the more interesting logged calls of 2025 are listed here.

  • 2025-01-04 Hissing audio. I can’t hear you, press a button if you’re trying to talk. Button noises.
  • 2025-01-10 Handset malfunction? I just heard a grunk-grunk-grunk-noise repeating, but I asked the caller to press 4 and they did. Told then to call back, they called back but same problem. asked them to shout, but I only heard grunk-grunk-grunk.
  • 2025-01-10 The caller from the busted phone at Microcosm called back from another phone to let me know that they were the one who called from the busted phone, and that they had been able to hear me. But the Microcosm phone is still busted.
  • 2025-01-12 Caller asked about setting up a phone in Seattle.
  • 2025-01-18 Caller asked how to make a call, I told them to select 1 from the menu. Caller told me that they tried that and “I was sent to you”. I asked them to try again.
  • 2025-01-22 Caller lost caller’s phone, needed help calling it.
  • 2025-01-25 Is this a real person? Oh, I’m so sorry! Wait, is this an actual telephone? OMG that’s so cute!
  • 2025-02-05 Caller is new to Portland and asked how to set up a voicemail box.
  • 2025-02-10 Caller asked if I could make a call for them, I told them how to get the dialtone.
  • 2025-02-14 Caller performed music with the keypad in the snow.
  • 2025-03-02 Caller asked about volunteering, I gave them the operator email address and warned them that fundraising and mental health support are what was most needed currently.
  • 2025-03-15 This caller thought they were getting an incoming call - “someone trying to click in” - while using the phone, wanted info on how to merge that caller into a 3-way conference call. I had absolutely no idea. Do we even support that?
  • 2025-03-27 Caller reported that the Ghost Mountain phone was down.
  • 2025-05-05 Caller asked for an ambulance to the VA. I told them to hang up and dial 911.
  • 2025-05-07 What are you doing right now? Answering the phone.
  • 2025-05-10 Caller requested general Futel info, guarantees of privacy, reassurances that I am not a cop. I promised as little as I could.
  • 2025-05-24 Caller from the 425 area code wasn’t able to get through to King County Mental Health Services with the number they had. I couldn’t google that very well, but I found them the King County Crisis Line number: 206-4-CRISIS.
  • 2025-05-25 Told caller how to make a call.
  • 2025-05-31 Caller was following up on an email about volunteering.
  • 2025-06-27 Heard caller breathing for about a minute. No other activity.
  • 2025-06-20 Caller told me their opinions of Anu vs Gilgamesh.
  • 2025-07-05 Caller asked how to make a collect call. I told them it was free, and they asked if it was really free. Caller was concerned about whether the call would be cut off at fifteen minutes, we talked about what to do if it was. Caller thanked me and wished me well.
  • 2025-07-05 Caller asked what the web address was to find out more about Futel.
  • 2025-07-17 Caller needed instruction about how to place a call at a dialtone.
  • 2025-08-03 A young person wanted to make a call, I told them, and asked them if they could find a chair to replace the one that used to be at the phone.
  • 2025-08-04 Caller asked what time it was.
  • 2025-08-23 Caller asked for directions to a tabletop gaming store.
  • 2025-09-17 Caller asked who they could get ahold of. I asked who they wanted to get ahold of. They replied with their brother. I told them I didn’t know who that was. They replied that that was OK and hung up.
  • 2025-09-18 Caller had a Dick’s Sporting Goods gift card that they wanted to check the balance on, but they can’t see the phone number to call because it’s too small. Told caller I can’t read it either, I’m a phone. Caller asked me to transfer them to Dick’s Sporting Goods. I told caller I can’t transfer people either. Caller hung up.
  • 2025-09-20 Caller said the pizza place next to Dante’s won’t sell them a pizza unless they order it over the phone. I looked up the number for PizzaSlut, read it slowly to the caller. Caller repeated it back wrong & hung up instantly before i could correct them.
  • 2025-09-21 Caller asked for the number for Dante’s pizza to complain about how the manager was being rude to them about their pizza order.
  • 2025-09-29 Yes, this is a real, working payphone. You may pinch yourself.
  • 2025-10-02 I need to make a 911. Hang up and call 911.
  • 2025-10-05 Caller asked for the number for the Cadillac dealership, then yelled around for a piece of paper and a pen to write it down.
  • 2025-10-12 Caller reported that “the phone was FUCKED UP” and then hung up. The handset had been broken and I later learned that the entire speaker had been smashed out before that, so I think they were just making a report without knowing whether anyone could hear them.
  • 2025-10-19 “Operator.” “I need help. I’m trying to make a call.” “Are you trying to call from the dialtone?” “I’ve tried twice and it’s just freaking out on me, going woowoodeloowoowoo!” “Your call has failed twice? That’s not supposed to happen.” “I’m trying to call [number], I need you to connect me to [number].” “I can’t connect you, you need to call yourself.” “You’re the operator! Do your job!” “I can’t make the call for you.” “You’re supposed to be the operator! I need to talk to your supervisor.” “Okay!” I mute the phone for a moment. “Hi there!” “Are you the supervisor?” “Sure I’m the supervisor.” “I need to make a call.” “You will need to try from the dialtone.” [caller grumbles and hangs up]
  • 2025-11-04 Caller asked for the time.
  • 2025-11-09 Young voice asked if I knew the nearest homeless shelter “because it’s cold as shit out here”. I replied that I did not and was about to ask if they wanted me to look, but the caller started yelling and screaming and hung up.
  • 2025-11-09 Caller asked whether their child was bothering me “because I want to apologize to you guys.” I told them they weren’t, but was interrupted by yelling back and forth and another hangup.
  • 2025-11-09 Something special forces something? Sorry, I’m in a very loud bar. Special forces barfly something? Can you repeat that? This is the Futel operator. Okay never mind.
  • 2025-11-17 Caller asked for Futel phone locations. I told them to visit futel.net, but they said they didn’t use the internet. I told them about some of the nearby phones.
  • 2025-11-21 Caller wanted me to recharge their “chime card” or something.
  • 2025-11-24 Caller asked for the number of the Beaverton library.
  • 2025-12-9 Can you tell me what time it is first? OK, I’ll have to call again later, thank you.
  • 2025-12-31 Caller asked if they could reach Poland from a Futel phone or not. I told them no, alas. Then they asked if they could call other Futel phones. I told them – I hope this is still true – that there’s an option somewhere in the menu system to ring every other phone? I couldn’t remember what it was called, sorry.