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With things the way they are, I went back to the doctor this morning. It was earlier than planned, being only three weeks into taking citalopram, but I couldn't continue like this.

I'm going to be staying on them for now (at least another two weeks) but have been signed off from work during that time while I hopefully // continue to adjust. I was offered time off last week when I had my first review; I turned it down as the Easter break was coming up and I felt guilty about going off so soon after being welcomed into a new team, albeit approximately half of my time.

I still feel guilty, but know that I need to take care of myself first or I'll be no use to anyone and end up being off for longer — I don't want a repeat of the five months off in 2024.

I'm going to take these two weeks to get some shit done. There are various tasks that need doing around the house, and I want to be able to spend some time in the studio to get past my current creative block. I think that will help with my overall wellbeing as it's been weighing heavily on my mind — one thing less I need to be stressed about.

Beyond that, I need to get out more and do some exercise, even if it's just on the treadmill when the weather's bad. I've been meaning to get back into it, but kept putting it off despite knowing it'll be good for me. I tell myself it's due to a lack of time; that's a lie. It's apathy.

The problem I had in 2024 was that I developed a routine while off work which was unsustainable on my return. This time I need to be more realistic with what I'll be able to achieve.