Updated: 2025-03-31
Chewie & friends
Chewie will be 13 this year, if he lives. He had a close shave late last year after a serious bug. We also found out he has cancer, and it has spread. His back legs are becoming very weak - they collapse if he stands too long. And his long running liver issues may be getting bad as well. On the other hand, his head doesn’t acknowledge any of those things. Still demands food, walks. Still nags me to death if he doesn’t get the ball at 6, or the dessert at 8. When we are near the tennis courts, gets so excited that the back legs can’t keep up with the head and front legs. Happily drags them along while pulling away with the front ones (Isn’t happy when I stop him to correct the legs, and put him on lead to ensure he walks slowly).
So, weak body and strong mind. Like a few other people I know. We will lose him sometime this year. It’ll be heartbreaking. What comes after will probably be worse. He’s been my (only) constant partner for most of the last 12 years. I no longer remember how to live without him. I’m scared to think about how I’ll cope.
Dudley moved away. His family moved to a bigger house in a village few miles away. I see him a couple of times a year now 😢
Maisie died. Willow died. Kia came, rocked our lives, then moved back to India. Don’t see Billy, Poppy and Butler as often. Heard Dilly is also going through a bad time, and may have passed away.
I’m short on dogs.
Activities
Running stopped completely, after a few brave attempts, in 2023. Haven’t run for 2 years now. Cycling and swimming stopped too. 2023 was good for hiking (the Bow fell, Esk Pike, Mickledon hike was 🥰 ) but last year was terrible, and this year has started even worse. Gardening slowed in 24 too. Didn’t add any plants - indoor or outdoor. Just keeping the ones I have going.
Health
No prizes for guessing - I’ve put on a lot of weight. I’m at my heaviest ever, and at my widest(?) ever. Blood sugar is going up just as I eat ever more sugar, carbs, fats and meat. The head isn’t at it’s finest either - it’s fine while I’m working or with Chewie. The rest of the time I’m wishing I could escape to work or make Chewie younger again. Stress (family and work), anxiety (mostly Chewie), loneliness, lack of exercise, lots of comfort eating - I’m floundering.
Work
Individually, I’m great. I’ve grown a lot, learnt a lot, delivered a lot. I’m a much better developer now - quantity was always there but, even I feel, the massive improvement in quality, depth and width of my work now. I got promoted once, and may get another promotion this year.
Collectively and directionally, I’m not so sure. The team around me is now very weak. No one in management, other than the immediate team leads, cares about health of the team. Gen AI will cause a massive change in how & what of software engineering - adding uncertainty to this as a longer term career.
I’m now starting to consider what next. I interviewed at a good place last year out of the blue. It didn’t work out but made me start thinking about where I’m headed and why.
Head & heart
Parents were here for a few weeks. Yet, I’m already missing them - mostly Dad but also Mom, or rather what I need her to be. Still no kids, or any prospects. Chewie is going. Dudley has gone away. I had a friend close for a couple of years but he moved back to India. Visited India last year after almost 7 years. Didn’t like the new Karnal, but loved the big gathering of cousins and nibblings in Shimla. Loved meeting all the friends in Delhi. It was good. It got me through 3-6 months of stress. It made me realise how much I miss them, and having someone like them here.
Great changes are coming. I wish they weren’t.
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