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Wanted, dead or alive. Orion Metzger. 3000 cr.
First time? Read the general warnings.

Name: Orion Metzger. Sex: Male. Born: 1799, Northern Highdale. Height: ~180 cm. Looks: White hair, red eyes, pale skin, gangly.

Guilty of: Murder, cannibalism, rape, sodomy, sacrilige, arson, kidnapping.

Wanted, alive. Alfred the Wolf. 5000 cr.
First time? Read the general warnings.

Name: Alfred. Sex: Male. Born: 1778, Monclair. Height: ~250-300 cm. Looks: Grey fur, yellow eyes, hunchback, burly.

Guilty of: Murder, rape, robbery, graverobbery, sodomy, heresy, kidnapping.

Wanted, dead or alive. Little Red Hood. 1800 cr.
First time? Read the general warnings.

Name: Madeleine O'Mally. Sex: Female. Born: 1810, Highdale. Height: ~140 cm. Looks: Often masked, black hair, green eyes, dark skin, petite.

Guilty of: Murder, theft, witchcraft.

A coupon for Rochdale bath house. Allows for 7 baths: 1½ hour each, private rooms for 1-5 people. 2/7 are stamped as spent.

Huh. Someone pinned a bath house coupon here... And there's still 5 baths left unspent!? Jackpot!!!

A condom pinned to the bulletin board, directly through the middle. 3 more pins (without condoms) are around it.

Oh. No.

Danish
in Wysteria.

Danish is an ancient language of which only fragments remain. Magic flows within the gutteral vibrations of the hard R's, and the silent, mysterious D's.

For real, Danish is absolutely hideous, but it's funny and it's perfect for sounding like the most rancid motherfucker in existence. And I love that. Thus, it's equivalent of "Latin" in Wysteria.

Songs in Danish have been discovered in several places in Wysteria, often trapped within conch shells. Though most were stored safely, to preserve history, some fearful people of Wysteria would try to destroy these conch shells, believing them to be cursed. But it never worked out the way they planned. It never does.

Wait, what happened?
the blissfully unaware

Anyway. The language being so powerful and rich on magic, it's inevitably a target of much interest by researchers and other nerds. Many people in pursuit of knowledge have tried to decipher the words and their true meaning, and all of them have fallen into madness.

And God, it's, it's a clown, he's, she, God is a clown. It's why we get these, these perks, you see? You see this little face here? On this coin? It's a clown. God is laughing at us, you hear? He's laughing. I can hear it now.
Noel Ledge
Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I'm not fucking deaf, you biped cyst. Now move along. Shoo! Scram!
Felix Warren

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