tichy_cnp

It would earn a third star for the monster if i hadn't watched nearly an hour of absolutely nothing to get there. I love a slow burn. That slow creeping dread that can make a low budget found footage movie truly memorable. But sometimes it seems like a filmmaker believes that total banality punctuated by violence is the same thing. Movies like this one remind us it's not. Watch Horror in the High Desert or even one of the Missing 411 documentaries. Either would be far more satisfying and not leave you angry enough to leave a two star review like this movie did. I'm a sucker for found footage but right now i just feel like a sucker.

What if we sat a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters and waited for them to churn out something vaguely similar to VHS? This is it. The framing device is similar. The segments are for people who think the ones in ABCs of Death are too nuanced and bloated. There is nothing good about this movie. I have watched more terrible anthology horror than almost anyone and will continue to make the same terrible error in judgment over and over but this really should be my rock bottom. Spare yourself. Go watch Creepshow or Cat's Eye or Bodybags or Southbound. Watching any of those for the 10th time will be orders of magnitude more satisfying.

This is a profoundly tedious movie. The violence is surreal with long and very detailed scenes of mutilation and dismemberment that violates any semblance of biological reality. That could be fun if it were integrated into something resembling an interesting story. Instead we have a lot of flimsy narrative threads that apparently the filmmaker expects the viewer to weave together into something coherent. This could have literally been half as long and nothing would be lost. They're trying to turn Art the Clown into Jason or Freddy but there is no charisma, no humor, no backstory to accomplish this. There's no reason to find the character remotely interesting. Or the film for that matter.