I_can_get_you_a_toe
Joined Jul 2005
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Reviews12
I_can_get_you_a_toe's rating
A smart mouth kid and his absent a-hole father reunite and head to Salem's lot to reconnect, only to find that the entire town is filled with and controlled by vampires.
And oh dear lord this movie is bad.
The main protagonist is an anthropologist who likes. To.......talk. like this.....and........take. random. Pauses..................while talking.
Whereas his son smokes cigarettes, uses profanity and wears suspenders and pretty much tries to mimic Gordon Gecko except he's like 12 years old. And it's painful to watch.
Once in Salems' lot they are introduced to the local Vampires, by way of a young girl who shrieks and honks her way through her lines and thankfully gets her blood drained.
The father's outrage and horror at witnessing this lasts oh about 0.2456 seconds before he jumps into bed with a vampire girl he had a crush on when he was younger and subsequently knocks her up. Because dead girls can get pregnant apparently. And eat garlic and have reflections.
It seems the vampires want him to write a history / bible of their way of life – mainly living off the blood of cows and on special occasions feasting on humans. And his son decides to also become a vampire. But they meet this old man who wants to help them fight against the...........
Then I zoned out for about half an hour and just didn't have it in me to rewind and re-watch what I missed. I really don't think it was anything remotely resembling intelligent story telling so I'm okay with that.
In the end, Bad acting, cheapo effects, shonky music and a really stupid story are pretty much all that can be summed up from this movie.
And Tara Reid is in this. She must be so proud.
And oh dear lord this movie is bad.
The main protagonist is an anthropologist who likes. To.......talk. like this.....and........take. random. Pauses..................while talking.
Whereas his son smokes cigarettes, uses profanity and wears suspenders and pretty much tries to mimic Gordon Gecko except he's like 12 years old. And it's painful to watch.
Once in Salems' lot they are introduced to the local Vampires, by way of a young girl who shrieks and honks her way through her lines and thankfully gets her blood drained.
The father's outrage and horror at witnessing this lasts oh about 0.2456 seconds before he jumps into bed with a vampire girl he had a crush on when he was younger and subsequently knocks her up. Because dead girls can get pregnant apparently. And eat garlic and have reflections.
It seems the vampires want him to write a history / bible of their way of life – mainly living off the blood of cows and on special occasions feasting on humans. And his son decides to also become a vampire. But they meet this old man who wants to help them fight against the...........
Then I zoned out for about half an hour and just didn't have it in me to rewind and re-watch what I missed. I really don't think it was anything remotely resembling intelligent story telling so I'm okay with that.
In the end, Bad acting, cheapo effects, shonky music and a really stupid story are pretty much all that can be summed up from this movie.
And Tara Reid is in this. She must be so proud.
