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WEEKLY MOVIE REVIEW: SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN

MINI REVIEW: It's Charlize Theron's movie

RATING: Don't Waste Your Time (Rating System: See it in theaters, Wait for the instant download, Don't waste your time)

Queen Ravena (Charlize Theron) is enchanted with the ability to stay alive and beautiful, so long as she has beautiful young maidens from whom to steal their youth. But if she can steal the beating heart of young and beautiful Snow White (Kristen Stewart), she can become immortal. But Snow White has escaped into the Black Forrest where the Queen has no power. So, she sends a dashing Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) to find Snow White and return her before the Queen's powers fade. And we're off...

"Snow White" is a mess. We spend the first 10 minutes of the movie in a back story prologue that tells us how Snow White came to be and how the Queen took the throne, etc... For some reason, the Queen has locked Snow White (then a child) into a tower, rather than having her killed. Fast-forward to the day when Snow is 18 years old and finally escapes - that's when the mirror on the wall informs the Queen that Snow is the key to immortality and the Huntsman must retrieve her.

This part of the film is all Theron's. And she is amazing as the evil Queen. The special effects they used on her allow her to grow old and young again right before our eyes. As an actress, this is pretty courageous work. As with her role in "Monster," she allows herself to be seen as something less (far less) than perfect. Many actors would never allow their "brand" to be tarnished in this fashion. Hats off to Theron for a powerful, if over-the-top, performance.

Not so for young Kristen Stewart. Stewart has hardly any lines in this story and her role is mainly to look both angelic and distressed at the same time. And she does it well. Likewise, Hemsworth speaks with a Scottish accent and does scant little talking in this film. He looks both buff and wet most of the time.

So, if there isn't a lot of dialog for the leads, what do these people do? They walk a lot. They walk through the dark forest, they walk through the Faery forest, they walk through the Snow forest. A lot. They also spend time in a small village of women whose huts get burned down - both for no apparent reason. Perhaps just because director Rupert Sanders thought would be interesting for it to happen.

Don't despair, there is comic relief in the form of seven dwarfs. These aren't the dwarfs of Disney fame. Alas, they are far less interesting.

Finally, Snow White becomes Joan of Arc. She dons chain mail and armor and leads a battle against the Queen.

One final note: Why are there so many archers in movies this summer? Since "The Hunger Games" we've seen archers in "The Avengers," "Snow White," and the upcoming "Brave."

Sadly, "Snow White and the Huntsman" won't put an arrow of love through your heart. If this was supposed to be Kristen Stewart's opportunity to shine outside the "Twilight" franchise, she failed. Also, this movie is strangely graphic - possibly too much so for younger children. Not so much for blood but for lots of people getting stabbed or killed. But nobody really ever dies, they usually turn into shards of black glass.

So, for a movie that is dull, plodding, and pointless. I recommend you don't waste your time.

RATING: See it in theaters (Rating System: "See it in theaters," "Wait for the instant download," "Don't waste your time")

Loki (Tom Hiddleston), the half-brother of Thor has returned to Earth to pave the way for a wave of destruction at the hands of evil aliens. But secret agency S.H.E.I.L.D has been preparing by analyzing the mysterious Tesseract – an blue-glowing cube of unharnessed infinite power. Loki steals the Tesseract and it is up to Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), leader of S.H.I.E.L.D to pull together a team of the world's first super heroes to defeat Loki and return the Tesseract from whence it came. The heroes are known as The Avengers and they are Captain America (Chris Evans), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner).

The Avengers is a recipe for disaster. It is an ensemble cast of players, each of whom is a third magnitude star in his (or her) own right. Whenever you get this many egos in the room at one time, there is bound to be in-fighting. And in fact, this is what happens in the movie. The heroes can't get along. They jockey for alpha-male status, only to find that they are equals, each with his own unique strength. And yet, both on the screen and in reality, they find a balance. Each actor brings his own ingredients to the mix. And each actor plays his (or her) character to perfection; as if it were their own film.

Another problem is backstory – there is a lot of it. Some of these characters have been brought to the collective consciousness in their own debut films of the last couple of years (Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, and Captain America). If you've seen their films then you have an idea of who they are already. The other two needed a bit more introduction and it was skillfully interlaced with the action.

And then there's the problem of interaction – 6 main players plus Fury and Loki implies 28 different relationships. And that's a hard act to pull off in just 142 minutes.

Still, writer/director Joss Whedon ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Serenity") pulls it all off with apparent ease. The story is relentless in its pace and still fills us in on who the characters are and what they contribute. There's an amazing scene when the characters are at their lowest point (close friends are dead, the team is dispersed) and they expose each other's weaknesses. The souls of our heroes are left bare. This gives us nowhere to go but up.

And indeed, up we go. To beat their combined foe, the team must pull together: each member using their special gifts to turn back an invading force.

But as amazing as the film is, there are problems. The last climactic scenes are a series of improbable battles in the heart of New York City. Mind you, these battles are carried out with much more precision than the garbage whirlwind of the Transformers films. But, due to the PG-13 nature of the film, we find little bloodshed and a lot of tumbling skyscrapers.

Which brings me to the biggest problem I have with the film: just how strong are these super heroes? Hulk, besides being hulking, is apparently impervious to direct bullet and missile fire. Captain America can apparently withstand the full force of alien hand grenades. Iron Man takes a licking and keeps on ticking. And Thor, with his mighty hammer seems to be able to stop anything, but still goes flying when monsters whip their tails. And for the other two (who remind me of the Professor and Marianne from Gilligan's Island – "and the rest"), when there is a battle they are sent off to do reconnaissance or direct traffic lest they be trampled or crushed. They may be more of a liability than they are worth.

Finally, I want to talk about the unsung hero of the Marvel universe: Stan Lee. Lee has a cameo appearance in every Marvel action movie. He is held as sort of the progenitor of modern hero lore. As such, he is a special icon in the comic book (and now movie) realm. All legends spring from his fount. There is a name for that kind of hero – they are called gods.

So, for outstanding story, characters, special effects and an amazing "boot" (not even a reboot) of a new franchise, I recommend you see it in theaters.

WEEKLY MOVIE REVIEW: THE THREE STOOGES

MINI-REVIEW: See it if you love the Stooges

RATING: Wait for the instant download (Rating System: "See it in theaters," "Wait for the instant download," "Don't waste your time")

Moe, Larry, and Curley (Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes, Will Sasso) were left at at orphanage as babies. They grew up coddled by the nuns (Jane Lynch, Jennifer Hudson, Larry David) but were rambunctious and ill disciplined. After thirty-five years there, they grew up to be the handymen around the grounds.

One day, the Monsignor (Bryan Doyle-Murray) arrives and gives the nuns 30 days to come up with $830,000 or be evicted. All the orphans will be sent to foster homes. So our boys are off to the big city to raise the money. But they've never been out in the world and never interacted with anyone but nuns and children. Will they have the maturity and savvy to save the day?

"The Three Stooges" is the Farrelly brothers' attempt the rekindle the spark that was the classic comedy team from the 1930s – 1960s. And to my mind, they succeeded in spades. The movie is very true to the original in every way. The slapping, hitting, kicking, and yanking on virtually every body part is duplicated by Diamantopoulos, Hayes, and Sasso to perfection. Only a team who truly loved the Stooges could create such a faithful homage.

The curious thing about this film is that it is aimed at youngsters. The previews included several cartoons and Disney features soon to come. There were no swears and hardly any blue humor. (There were some very funny law firm names that only adults would appreciate.) There is a certain amount of gross out humor. And there is an appearance of the "Farelly Brothers" at the end, imploring children not to attempt Stooge antics at home. I was hoping for a more adult film, aimed at the audience that grew up with the Stooges.

There isn't much more to say about this film. If you love the Stooges, you will find an incredibly accurate recreation of the highly choreographed poking, prodding, and impaling you grew up with. If you have never seen the Stooges, you will probably find the film simplistic and sophomoric.

In either case, there is no good reason to rush out and see it on the big screen. So, for a Fine (sic) recreation of the original, but a tad on the kiddie side, I recommend you wait for the instant download.