mrschroeder1982
Joined Oct 2004
Welcome to the new profile
Our updates are still in development. While the previous version of the profile is no longer accessible, we're actively working on improvements, and some of the missing features will be returning soon! Stay tuned for their return. In the meantime, the Ratings Analysis is still available on our iOS and Android apps, found on the profile page. To view your Rating Distribution(s) by Year and Genre, please refer to our new Help guide.
Badges3
To learn how to earn badges, go to the badges help page.
Reviews3
mrschroeder1982's rating
There are good movies, and there are bad movies. Then there are movies that are so bad, it is as though Satan himself took a dump inside your DVD player. "D.E.B.S." makes those from the third category look like "Casablanca." Good movies can never last long enough; bad movies are never short enough. Had "D.E.B.S." been thirty seconds long, it would have been too long.
The premise starts out easily enough: certain questions on the SAT are geared to test a student's qualifications for espionage. Should a student score high enough on these questions, she is invited to become one of the D.E.B.S., an elite team of spy-soldiers lodged deep inside the inner workings of the U.S. government. Supposedly, these questions determine how well the student (apparently only females qualify for D.E.B.S. because guys don't look nearly as good in the mandatory "Catholic schoolgirl" uniform) can lie, though it isn't exactly clear how a seemingly innocent test question can determine how well a person can lie.
The movie follows four D.E.B.S. (the movie never really clarifies if the "S" is part of the acronym or if it is to distinguish pluralism): Max, the on-edge African-American girl and squad leader; Amy, the blonde who got a perfect score on the secret portion of the SAT; Janet, the doofus of the group; and Dominique, who you know is French because she is a sex addict, smokes non-stop, and speaks with an accent so obvious that it can almost visible. The four are in hot pursuit of Lucy Diamond, the international super-villain on whom Amy is, coincidentally enough, writing a thesis. Apparently no one has ever fought Diamond and lived, yet Amy conveniently manages to do just that within the first half-hour of the movie. This sets up the romantic interest in the story: Diamond is a lesbian and is infatuated with Amy. It is not long after that Amy becomes attracted to Lucy, but Amy is a "cop" and Lucy is the "villain"! What to do?
The whole movie plays out like a Saturday morning teen sitcom, one wherein all the characters are beautiful and somehow manage to outsmart the bumbling grown-ups. The plot is paper-thin, the action ends before it starts, and the humor is as bland as reheated oatmeal.
The only audience that this movie could possibly be targeting is twelve- to fourteen-year-old boys. Anyone older than that would be offended by the dialog and story line; anyone younger than that would not understand the sexual overtones to the movie. The only thing worth recommending about this movie is the fact that you do get to see some attractive girls in schoolgirl uniforms, but once any enjoyment from that passes and an unsettling feeling of dirtiness settles over you, you'll still have 90+ minutes left.
The premise starts out easily enough: certain questions on the SAT are geared to test a student's qualifications for espionage. Should a student score high enough on these questions, she is invited to become one of the D.E.B.S., an elite team of spy-soldiers lodged deep inside the inner workings of the U.S. government. Supposedly, these questions determine how well the student (apparently only females qualify for D.E.B.S. because guys don't look nearly as good in the mandatory "Catholic schoolgirl" uniform) can lie, though it isn't exactly clear how a seemingly innocent test question can determine how well a person can lie.
The movie follows four D.E.B.S. (the movie never really clarifies if the "S" is part of the acronym or if it is to distinguish pluralism): Max, the on-edge African-American girl and squad leader; Amy, the blonde who got a perfect score on the secret portion of the SAT; Janet, the doofus of the group; and Dominique, who you know is French because she is a sex addict, smokes non-stop, and speaks with an accent so obvious that it can almost visible. The four are in hot pursuit of Lucy Diamond, the international super-villain on whom Amy is, coincidentally enough, writing a thesis. Apparently no one has ever fought Diamond and lived, yet Amy conveniently manages to do just that within the first half-hour of the movie. This sets up the romantic interest in the story: Diamond is a lesbian and is infatuated with Amy. It is not long after that Amy becomes attracted to Lucy, but Amy is a "cop" and Lucy is the "villain"! What to do?
The whole movie plays out like a Saturday morning teen sitcom, one wherein all the characters are beautiful and somehow manage to outsmart the bumbling grown-ups. The plot is paper-thin, the action ends before it starts, and the humor is as bland as reheated oatmeal.
The only audience that this movie could possibly be targeting is twelve- to fourteen-year-old boys. Anyone older than that would be offended by the dialog and story line; anyone younger than that would not understand the sexual overtones to the movie. The only thing worth recommending about this movie is the fact that you do get to see some attractive girls in schoolgirl uniforms, but once any enjoyment from that passes and an unsettling feeling of dirtiness settles over you, you'll still have 90+ minutes left.
If you want to see this one, it's for one of three reasons.
1. You've just read "The Da Vinci Code" and are interested in finding out more. If this is the case, stay away from this movie, as it will give you information that will leave you scratching your head and thinking, "Where the hell did they come up with that?" If you are interested in finding out more, read the book "Holy Blood, Holy Grail." That book, while not necessarily true, will give you more information in a better manner.
2. You've just read "The Da Vinci Code" and "Holy Blood, Holy Grail." If this is the case, stay away from this movie, as you won't hear anything new.
3. You haven't read either of the two aforementioned books. If this is the case, stay away from this movie, as it will raise some questions that will seem to be out of left field. If "The Da Vinci Code" and the issues the book raises interests you, read the two books mentioned above.
DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
1. You've just read "The Da Vinci Code" and are interested in finding out more. If this is the case, stay away from this movie, as it will give you information that will leave you scratching your head and thinking, "Where the hell did they come up with that?" If you are interested in finding out more, read the book "Holy Blood, Holy Grail." That book, while not necessarily true, will give you more information in a better manner.
2. You've just read "The Da Vinci Code" and "Holy Blood, Holy Grail." If this is the case, stay away from this movie, as you won't hear anything new.
3. You haven't read either of the two aforementioned books. If this is the case, stay away from this movie, as it will raise some questions that will seem to be out of left field. If "The Da Vinci Code" and the issues the book raises interests you, read the two books mentioned above.
DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
This is truly one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and I've sat through some real stinkers. "The Last Sign" features a deadly combination of wooden acting from Andie MacDowell, overacting on the son's part that soap operas would balk on, and a script that sounds as though it was written by a three-year-old. Consider this line uttered by Mark (Samuel Lebihan) at a baseball game. "Frank's team is winning. Now all the pressure is on Frank." This was followed by shouts to Frank of "Come on! You can do it!" It might look nice on paper, but it sounded so wooden and unrealistic coming out of their mouths that as soon as the movie was over, I wanted to throw the DVD across the room. Let's not forget the fact that too many unbelievable events happened for no reason, and the ending completely forgot to explain them all. Avoid this movie like the plague.