selfparody

I'm not a very big Transformers fan: I never owned the toys or watched the show. I did, however, watch the original movie. I greatly prefer campy commercial to this bloated commercial, here is why:

Sam & Company- As with that terrible GODZILLA remake, the producers apparently decided "Well, people came to see Transformers, but we have to tag this half-assed 'nerd fantasy romance' onto it and spend 80% of the movie on the humans." That would be well and good, if the humans were in some way unique or interesting. Instead, we basically get the same crappy types we've seen again and again (young fresh types overcoming authority figures, clueless parents ((think the parents in a very toned down version of American Pie)) and you have the human element. Plus a "soldier with a young daughter back home" subplot that pisses me off in the way only Michael Bay's lowest common denominator tricks can.

Autobots: I know I was supposed to be blown away by the fact Peter Cullen from the cartoon is the voice of Optimus Prime (God knows why that would impress a nonfan: his acting is not good) Well, I would have been fine having freakin' Steve Carell voice the character if he his dialogue was good at all. Instead, he spends half of his lines telling us how great Sam the lovable nerd is, and at least a quarter spouting the dumbest howlers I have ever heard. The other autobots got so little screen time that literally an hour after watching it, I only remember that there is a joke about one of them wizzing on a human as a joke.

Decepticons: Incredibly, they are even less developed than the autobots, barely getting to destroy anything or properly present themselves as a menace. I mean, there's EIGHT of them, and we see humans are able to damage them early on. You honestly get the impression the humans could defeat them without the autobots, even if they do use "the cube" (An idea so patently stupid it makes the cartoon seem like FIGHT CLUB) People complain about how indistinguishable the cartoon characters are? These guys are so close in design that Starscream and Megatron could stand up next to each other in a lineup and you couldn't tell them apart.

John Turtorro: He is in it, he has lines, and a lot of them.

In short, only watch this movie if you have no imagination. Everyone else is advised to just shut their eyes, and imagine what this movie would be like. You will probably dream up something much more watchable, and it will be all yours.

It's Knox at his worst: when he just tries to be childish or stupid instead of funny. He tries for some effects that I suppose are supposed to be spoofs on artistic photography (Jason Steele has a long segment in grainy black and white, Robert's scenes outside are silent and blue tinted) but it just isn't entertaining. Still, even if this was any good anyway, Matt's presence in it would be the dead weight to sink the Titanic. Here's a quick opinion note for Benfer: awkward silences or slow segments are only funny when the rest of the story is fast paced (or when there IS a story) otherwise you just have tedium.

This is not is not to say "don't buy" Knox's new DVD. The other special features are good enough (especially the never-before-seen shorts) that it is worth your time. Pity Knox in person never entertains quite as well as when he has to pretend to be a klay character.

Wow, this should have been better. Based on the scenes where characters say lines that are actually amusing, it's clear Linklater knew what was funny, but he wasted a lot of screen time with droning "philosophers." This movie does give you the drive to get up and go do something with your life so that you don't end up like one of these hippies for the 90s, but isn't good for much aside from that. I definitely do not recommend to film professors that they try to turn anyone on to Indies with this: this gives that breed of film a very bad name. Actually,I must admit that if you turn the commentary track on, this is actually a reasonably entertaining movie.