RogueKnite

While its impact on popular culture is insignificant, Real Scary Stories had a profound impact on me. The show terrified me as a child & still gives me the chills as of now. To an 8-11 year old, the show has an unparalleled way of getting under one's skin. Never mind its ability to set a rather macabre ambiance for the forthcoming stories it's going to tell. The most noteworthy element is that of the show's opening & commercial bumpers. Which is that of a smoky, black-drop background narrated by dual disembodied voices: one male, one female. The show's format followed a rather simple pattern. Our ghoulish narrators would introduce the story. We would then be acquainted to a group of teens interested in the supernatural tale, who are going to investigate it. The group of teens, in said haunted locale, proceed to go hunting for the "ghoul of the hour." The segments usually included the teens seeing something that spooks them. Then "ghoul of the hour" usually makes an appearance, or is at least hinted to be present, thanks to clever editing. Said fiend immediately "retreats into the netherworld" it appeared from, & the teens recap the events that occurred… or at least recap what they want us to think what happened.

In retrospect, the seams of the show are quite evident. Much of the scares are created in post-production. That's not to say everything presented was staged. It's just abundantly clear the events that transpire are being manipulated. Whether it be through certain shots being placed in a certain order and/or particular sound effects inserted in order to convey a much more sinister presence. Ultimately, it's not as fully convincing to an adult as it is to an adolescent viewer. Certain camera angles and placements give away much of the "impromptu" ambiance the show is trying to sell. That's not to say the show isn't effective. The show is by no means campy or tongue-in- cheek. Real Scary Stories is whole-heartily trying to scare you out of the room. The show's true "ace in the hole" is that of its sound design. Many shots which would be plain boring, never mind far from scary, are brought to near "jumping out of your seat" spooky levels thanks to the clever mood music playing lowly in the background over much of the episodes.

This show has been an enigma to me ever since I first watched it in the early 2000's. It has baffled me for multiple, evolving reasons over the years. First, for the obvious "terrified child" reasons of my youth. Then because it seemed I was the only one who remembered it. For years through middle school, to high school, all the way through college. I would reminisce about this show to friends who had never heard of it. It was as if this program was my own personal demon, that only I could recollect. Over the course of time, I discovered a Facebook fan group that was eerily deserted & quiet. No communication amongst fans, just an empty discussion page with little to no information. The IMDb page while insightful, is still severely lacking compared to most, other pages on the site. Outside of air dates for the episodes, and a detailed cast/crew list, there's not much relevant information to be gleaned from it. Rumors abound that the show was unceremoniously cancelled once FOX Family was purchased by The Walt Disney Company, due to the show being too edgy for what Disney was going for under the network's new direction as ABC Family. An argument which does not hold up, once you consider that Scariest Places on Earthcontinued to air on the network until 2006.

While I watched Real Scary Stories over the initial years it ran, I never paid that much mind to it, beyond the uneasy nature the show put me in. That would all change come August 2001. I wrote a letter to the address that is featured in the last minutes of the show. Being that I was only 8 years old at the time, the letter was rather "unpolished" or about "par" for an 8 year old. Compared to most letters someone would send a show to get their attention, mine was as plain & patronizing as one could imagine. Mostly me recounting which segments were my (7 year old) nephew & I's favorites. Yet my letter would never be read. A few weeks after I had mailed it, it was returned to me stating, "The address didn't exist." This only added to the lore the show had created for me within my headspace.

Back during ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween in October 2002, ten year old me, had the foresight-like wherewithal to tape the four episodes that were airing in this seasonally themed block of programs. Good thing I did, because those four, full episodes on YouTube are the ones I recorded in 2002. Which I then uploaded in August 2011, in order to share with the few people, besides me, that still remember the show. Which has become the bane of Real Scary Stories' existence online.

Ever since I uploaded those four episodes almost 5 years ago, I figured I'd get some sort of new information about Real Scary Stories because of it. Nope! No revelations were brought to the surface. While there have been some people who were involved with the show who have commented on some of the videos, offering a brief word or two regarding their experiences, it's nothing I would call substantial. Mostly behind-the-scenes details that could easily be shared from working on any other project of this ilk. That's not to say I'm not elated each time I see a response from someone who claims to have worked on it, or was featured on the show. I genuinely am! Ultimately though, it just adds to the ever growing mystification of Real Scary Stories.

When talking to friends and family about this film I always referred to it as Jurassic Park, because it always looked like a facsimile of the 1993 film. It seemed like they took every touch point from the 1993 film & copied it over to Jurassic World. One of the first shots in JW is that of a complete flyover of the park from the famous Jurassic Park gates, accompanied by the legendary John Williams' theme swelling in the background. In the 1993 film, this was a stirring moment, we were entering the park for the first time, we had no clue as to what was behind those gates, or the chaos those gates were holding back. The gates symbolizing the latch on Pandora's Box. In JW, we get the EXACT SHOT with identical musical cues. Yet the scene has no more than 1/10 of the impact it did in 1993. We know what's going to happen in JW, the awe is gone.

The only facet of JW that improves on JP is the special effects. The visual effects and sets are impressive. The dinosaurs & the actual Jurassic World park look spectacular! At this point, you're probably wondering "What else matters?!" Well… a lot actually. Especially when all of your human characters are less fleshed out than the dinosaurs. One of the many elements that made JP such a classic was its human characters. Each character was developed & felt like a three dimensional person. Even side characters, Samuel Jackson's technician & Wayne Knight's two-bit villain all have character motivations that make their character choices understandable.

In JW not one human character is developed in any meaningful way. Our main hero, Pratt's Owen, is a former Navy Seal & a now dinosaur trainer (these scenes would be "side-splitting" hilarious if it weren't for the dialogue), period. That's it. We know nothing else about him. Other than him & our heroine, Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard), went on an ill-fated first date. When all hell breaks loose in Jurassic World, Claire goes to Owen to save her nephews solely because he's been designated "hero man" by the film's script.

Let's now segue into JW's child characters, Zach & Gray. Zach & Gray are Claire's nephews. Zach is generic teenager #3 & Grey is generic kid who loves dinosaurs. These two serve no purpose other than being a reason for Owen and Claire to venture into Jurassic World. Every scene these two characters share makes absolutely no sense. They're there to be our virgin eyes into Jurassic World, showing us the park for the first time. Except… we've been here before. Jurassic Park already explored the splendors of the dinosaur theme park. It's the equivalent of a friend telling you about the first season of your favorite TV show, which you've watched all 10 seasons of and know the dialogue inside & out. You're essentially being forced to consume something you've already digested.

To say the script is garbage would be generous. The most worthy belongs to Vincent D'Onofrio's Vic wanting to use the Velociraptors as modern infantry. Claiming Velociraptors can't be bartered, hacked, or deterred in their pursuit of their prey. Hence, they are the perfect soldier. Pratt's Owen argues with Vic numerous times over this until the story calls for the (in)famous "Pratt riding a motorcycle with a pack of Velociraptors" shot, then Pratt's character does a complete 180° on the issue, which ultimately fails. I'd go into more detail, but that's spoiler territory.

The best characters of JW are the dinosaurs. Not only because you have empathy for them, but because they are the only characters that are fun. Pratt's four Velociraptors are fun because they each have a name & distinct character traits. "Blue," the leader, & the others follow her lead. Blue plays a critical role in the whole film, especially the climax. Pratt & Blue have more chemistry than any other two character in the film. It can be argued Blue is Pratt's true love interest, in lieu of Claire.

But what are our heroes, unless they have a worthy foe? The "big bad" of JW is Indominus Rex, the first intentionally homicidal animal in a modern blockbuster. You could look at Indominus as the dinosaur version of Jason Voorhees. Indominus kills anything in its path simply because it's "bad." Another baffling decision made by the script. Indominus is eventually taken down by Pratt & his gang of misfits. The climax (one of the few bright spots of the film) is so over-the-top, it will be nearly impossible for the inevitable sequel to top.

To call this film flawed is kind. I love cheesy movies. I love bad movies. There's a charm to something that goes so hilariously "off-the-rails." Yet Jurassic World is not an example of this. Halfway through Jurassic World's 124 minute runtime, I was pretty sure I lost my mind. At numerous points, I could not believe what I was watching was actually greenlit by a multi-billion dollar corporation. Never mind the record breaking box office and audience acclaim it's garnering. If you're still reading this (bless you!) I implore you not to see this movie. I don't even mean at the movie theater, but in general. Go watch Jurassic Park if you're inclined to see Jurassic World. Seen Jurassic Park already? Watch it again! There's nothing Jurassic World can give you that an umpteenth viewing of Jurassic Park can't.