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In three of the film's outtakes, shown during the end credits, Hasselholf playfully bemoans his presence. I have to wonder if he was really kidding, as this horrendous comedy must bring nothing to his stature as a worldwide celeb during the heyday of Baywatch. He plays "Clint", a bumbling cowboy performing for kids who teams up with a Canadian Indian lawyer (Gordon Tootoosis) after both are suspected of robbing a bingo parlor. They're in turn chased by a bumbling, belching, farting, and vomiting drunken cop played by the usually great Michael Moriarty, who looks shockingly bad here. I can forgive him if he's actually needed several drinks to get through this picture. Add Brits with bad accents and a trailer home filled with oversexed cackling old women and a lousy ventriloquist, and you have the makings of a movie that will require a will of steel to watch. For those of you guys who are hoping for some bikini-clad T&A, you're out of luck. This movie was made in Alberta, Canada--significantly colder than the California beaches. However, those of you who want to see a middle-aged woman hogtied (cue exasperated groaning sounds)... The screener DVD I watched was titled "Cowboys Run" with "Thomas Leigh" credited as director on the DVD case and "Alan Smithee" on the film itself, proving Mr. Leigh possesses great wisdom. One more comment: although no animals were harmed during filming, this movie has a bizarre obsession with hurting animals as a running gag. I suppose those who really find this sort of mistreatment funny can grab this movie along with "Mondo Cane" and split their sides laughing.

Peter Sellers plays Dick Scratcher (ha,ha), a cook for a pirate ship who takes over as captain after he murders the previous one. Although he's witnessed a treasure being buried, he begins losing his memory and the treasure map he obtains becomes blank. Thus, Dick is forced to find someone who can see and communicate with ghosts (do you place an ad for that?) and help lead a path to the treasure. It's mind boggling how anyone could have bankrolled this pointless film. Former Goon Spike Milligan replaced Medak as director, and given Medak's talents in the film The Ruling Class, you can probably guess which of the grainy, poorly lit scenes had Milligan in the director's chair. Peter Boyle makes a brief appearance in the film's first 10 minutes as the doomed pirate captain. He's probably quite thankful that Young Frankenstein was released the same year this was filmed and canned, so that he can keep this off his resume. Franciosa looks dashing as the handsome power-behind-Scratcher but he and Seller both look pretty desperate, with even Sellers' makeup and hair looking quite terrible. They had to know this movie was bombing even as they were filming it. With lines like these, I can understand any possible unease:

PIERRE: (about to be hanged) You'll pay for this.

SCRATCHER: No, I won't. I'll do it for free.

And that's one of the GOOD jokes. It's amazing to me that much of Sellers prolific material is still in the vaults, but this was made available on VHS more than 15 years ago! How about someone stepping up to the plate and releasing in the US the well-received British TV program "A Show Called Fred" starring Sellers, Milligan, and directed by the great Richard Lester?