guywhowatchesmovies

Look, I was entertained for 90 minutes, long enough for a few brewskies and some popcorn, and that's all I asked of it. It's not a masterpiece. It's a simple story, simple characters... but why would you expect anything else? Just look at the DVD cover for f***'s sake. I'm baffled by the people who come on this movie's forum and are surprised by what a bad movie it was. Uh yeah, don't get me wrong, it's a RIDICULOUSLY stupid movie, but that's pretty much what I was looking for when I rented it.

Had I gone into this movie without any former expectations, I would have given it 5 stars overall. The acting was way over the top, the directing not so great, and the writing wasn't spectacular either. However, the story was moderately clever, and it gets points for keeping a fairly tongue-in-cheek humor about it; at no point did I feel like it was trying to take itself seriously. I give it another star based entirely off the strength of it's makeup effects (yes, they're that good, considering it was made in a time before digital makeup).

Finally, I give it 7 stars, simply because it met my expectations as a cheesy, over-the-top, horror romp, and I would've expected nothing less from "Stephen King's Thinner".

A remake of an old movie which wasn't really all that great to begin with, "Poseidon" is a not-so-epic drama about a bunch of uninteresting idiots who find themselves stranded on the cruise ship from Hell, after it's struck by a rogue wave at exactly midnight on New Year's Eve, and is literally flipped upside-down. About half the guests die in this unnecessarily graphic scene, and then the remaining half are told by the captain that they should "stay in the auditorium because it has created an air pocket" and "help will arrive in a couple of hours". Well a few of the guests decide that the captain doesn't know what he's talking about, and, at the advice of an embarrassed-looking Richard Dreyfuss (who is able to use his occupational knowledge as an "architect" to deduce that "ships aren't built to stay afloat upside-down"), venture out into the bowels of the slowly sinking ship in an attempt to find "another way out".

This intelligent thriller also stars Kurt Russell as a man who looks and acts just like Kurt Russell; Josh Lucas as the stereotypical action hero who seems mysteriously unable to die, despite pulling off multiple stunts which would have put Evel Knieval in traction; Some Kid who seems to have a compulsive habit of running off to the most dangerous parts of the ship whensoever he feels like it (is also source for most of Josh Lucas' heroic antics); Emmy Rossum, whose sole purpose in this motion picture is to bitch about everything, and show as much cleavage as possible; Freddy Rodriquez as a staff member who sneaks "some girl he met at a club" on board; and Fergie, who delivers a shockingly realistic performance as a singer at the New Year's Party.

Alright - in all fairness, the first twenty minutes of this movie (the flipping scene, specifically) were amusing. But after that it gets a bit boring and repetitive, and after about forty-five minutes, you just kinda stop caring about the characters (assuming, of course, you were one of the three audience members who cared about them at all to begin with) and are left wishing it would end already. About five hours later, it does.

I do not recommend this movie. If you must, watch the flipping scene on YouTube, and I promise you'll have seen all the good parts.