tbkemp's reviews

I really enjoyed this. It's an incredibly interesting and creepy premise with plenty of room to grow. It feels like, though, once the movie got going they didn't really know exactly what to do with it or how to really convey what they were shooting for. Overall, good movie and I have no real complaints.

How can you not love this movie? Zombies, ninjas, robots, Vlad the Impaler, a former male porn star and poorly behaved dog-men! Oh, and hot topless zombie chicks. Hot. Topless. Zombie. Chicks. They couldn't have pirates because having them on-screen with all the others would create a "coolness overload" that might just destroy the planet. The movie makes almost no sense and the acting is atrocious but that doesn't really matter. If you love cheesy flicks you'll love this. The only reason it's not a 10 is every time I looked at the leading man's face my teeth began to hurt. Seriously, dude looks like he's been living on a diet of aluminum foil, broken glass and scrap metal.

This movie is pretty much a remake/homage (or more honestly, a ripoff) of John Carpenter's The Fog. The acting and make-up are pretty decent, but the continuity is horrendous. I realize logic isn't something you should expect in a horror movie but the many flaws are clearly due to oversight, inattention or downright laziness. It also has one thing I can't stand. At one point the local police chief notices a security camera and reviews the footage hoping to get a glimpse of the killer. Well not only does he get a glimpse, he gets to see 2 separate murders from 7 different angles including the killer's and both victim's POV. Nice.

I love b-grade movies but unfortunately this movie doesn't suck enough to qualify. But it isn't good enough to qualify as a decent straight-to-video horror, either. I guess the best compliment I can give it is this: The production quality of Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove makes Bog Creatures look like Legend of Chupacabra.

Selected by the world's most over-acted expert on "Irish bogs located somewhere in the Central U.S.", a group of college kids go to dig in a field somewhere in Arkansas, I mean, Ireland. Or maybe it was Norway. Or Sweden. Hell, it doesn't really matter because there isn't a bog within 300 miles of this movie. Unless I'm confused on my history and bog actually means "small dirt field with a few pine trees and some poorly hung fake moss."

Rumor has it that Viking warriors were buried in this bog and the expert professor has spent the last 10 years looking for their bodies. All of his colleagues think he is crazy for believing this.

Well not only is he crazy, he's also blind as a bat because these Nordic Zombie Warriors are all over the freakin' place. Seriously. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting an undead Berserker in the wee bits. In any outdoor scene you can be guaranteed there is at loeast one bog creature hanging out in the background. And our EXPERT can't spot one in 10 years?

Blah blah blah, terrible acting, 1200 year old undead Irish virgins who comprehend Modern English, witch descendants, THE END.