acefrehley-4

Dead teen/last woman standing movie set in an underwater Mayan city populated by killer sharks. That's it basically, you can fill in the plot yourself and for the most part you'd be right. If your idea of fun is 90 minutes of teenage girls shrieking at unconvincing blobby grey cgi sharks then this is your lucky day, otherwise give it a miss.

A who dunnit on a Norwegian oil rig sounded promising but from the first clunky cgi images it disappoints. The Norwegian bit pretty much goes out of the window early on because.. well it's be too much trouble to read subtitles... so we get Dublin and Scottish accents cause that's foreign enough and every so often some subtitled Norwegian just to remind us it's foreign. It borrows shamelessly from Alien with the crawling through air ducts and steady decimation of the crew by an unknown killer. Ultimately by the time the murder is revealed I considered they were doing me a favour by finishing off the stragglers and bringing the series to an end.

If anyone thought Ben Elton had still got it 5 minutes of this show will change your mind. For his latest outing Elton decided it was time for some cutting edge comedy about something everyone hates, Heath and Safety, right kids!?

Unfortunately what we get are endless cheap knob gags, achingly slow predictable punchlines, patronising ethnic caricatures presented with a Brent-esque misguided attempt to be politically correct and finally a Mayor who repeats every line backwards. There are some fine actors in this show and it's painful to see the likes of Robert Daws and David Haig slogging through such garbage in a vain effort to bring Elton's script to comic life. 'Health and Safety is not a subject for levity' remarks Haig's character, this show certainly seems to prove the point