jollyroper

I'm astonished to read reviews recommending this film for its T&A factor. Considering it is clearly a B-level exploitation film starring two former Playboy Playmates, you'd THINK it had T&A aplenty but it has very little. The four female gladiators who are the leads spend most of their time dressed in dowdy rags that cover them from neck to knees. There are some brief nude scenes and a couple of brief sex scenes, but like the rest of the movie they are jump cut so aggressively that you have a lot of trouble seeing what there is to see. Plus the sex scenes are seriously underlit. It is literally hard to watch the movie because of all the jump cutting. The fight scenes are filmed the same way, which helps somewhat with the rather obvious lack of fighting ability of the gladiatrixes (who don't do all that much fighting -- the fighting is handled by more capable male actors, who were also heavily jump cut, just like the rest of the movie).

Most of the movie's dramatic opportunities are completely bobbled as well. The set up provides for plenty of drama: who shall live, who shall die, whom will be betrayed by whom, etc. Very little advantage was taken of it.

If you are looking for well done gladiator movies, any single episode of the Starz series "Spartacus" will put this movie to shame. Deathstalker and Barbarian Queen have MUCH better fight scenes as well as more and better T&A. "The Arena" is simply a failure, badly botched, not worth any attention at all. There are some MST3K-able bits, but even there the jump cutting is a problem. There is NOTHING to recommend this film. Do. Not. Watch. And if you do ... don't say you weren't warned.

Imagine, if you will, that someone had taken all the brain-damaged noodlings of softcore pornographers and decided to make a movie of them, omitting all the nudity and sex. You'd have something about as stupid as this movie. On film, it's a waste of celluloid, on DVD, it's a waste of silicon, on cable, it's a waste of bandwidth. In whatever medium it's a waste of your time. And nothing more.

This is, in short, exactly the sort of film that gives European filmmakers bad reputations, and which makes film buffs look stupid when they try to maintain that it's not a brain-dead collection of semi-arresting images. Fans of this film describe it as a metaphor, an allegory, a symbolic representation of something else. But like Burbank, there is no there there in this film. It probably has something to do with coming of age, but the "something" it has to "do" with is so blurry that it's just not worth the bother of bringing it into focus.

The film does have one redeeming feature: it makes you feel like going out and doing something useful in the world to make up for the 100 minutes you totally wasted watching it. Also, you probably didn't commit any felonies while watching it. And when not committing a felony while watching it is a film's major justification, you know it has to suck beyond belief.