Dan1863Sickles

If you're looking for chills, intelligent social commentary, or any of the things Twilight Zone is famous for, forget it. But if, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, you're looking for a bit of the old ultra-violence . . . Well, saddle up, partner!

The problem with this episode is that the western badman who travels through time to present day NYC is such an obvious, over the top psycho, and such a complete moron to boot, that everything he says and does provokes howls of laughter. He's supposed to be a feral, conscienceless killer, like Larry McMurtry's Blue Duck. But where Blue Duck is stealthy and cunning, this guy just shouts and throws people around and fires his pistol at random . . . Then gets reduced to gibbering insanity by streetlights and traffic noise.

On the other hand, the egghead scientist is just that . . . The same old stereotype of the weak willed and ineffectual man of reason. His Utter inability to cope with, or even acknowledge, the problem of human evil might have been the basis for a great Twilight Zone episode. But this chaotic, shambolic effort is not that episode. It's just a few laughs and a bit of the old ultra-violence.

This is one of the poorest of the Season One Twilight Zone episodes. A dashing, sexy history professor reveals to a trusted colleague that he has been alive for centuries. And then he talks. And talks. An old lady turns up, and . . . . well, no spoilers. But the professor's boring right to the end!

Yet this episode is worth watching is because this premise was used again. Twice. Only much better! "Requiem For Methusaleh," the Star Trek episode, was clearly based on this episode. Just like Professor Cheeseball, Mr. Flint has been alive for thousands of years and met all of history's great minds and had countless adventures all over the world. Only Flint has style. He's got his own planet. And cool robot servants. And a really cute robot girlfriend. When Flint talks, people listen. His ending is truly tragic, and memorable.

Even better than that, the Kolchak movie "The Night Strangler" stole from this episode too. Only much, much better! Like Professor Cheeseball, Dr. Malcolm Richard got his start in the Civil War, as a Union officer. They even use the same type of photo analysis to catch him. And alchemy is the source of his immortality! But Dr. Malcolm Richard is a tragic figure. His immortality comes at a terrible price. He terrifies an entire city. And the suspense is terrifying when they finally bring him down. And you understand why he did the things that he did.

So yeah, it's amazing to see that "Requiem for Methusaleh" and "The Night Strangler" were both directly inspired by this episode. But they filled in the details, gave the story meaning and character motivation. They learned from this mess and got it right!

A well-meaning, carefully made, thoroughly respectable film that feels like an exercise in slow suffocation. Drama that isn't drama, humor that isn't humor, beauty that exists only to numb the gnawing sense of absolute emptiness. Oh, but Bess Armstrong was a beauty in her day.

What if they'd remade Middlemarch by George Eliot? Alan Alda could have played Lydgate, the earnest, compassionate, brilliant medical doctor. (Safe territory there.) Bess Armstrong could have played Rosamund, the ice-cold blonde beauty who yearns for high society. Carol Burnett could have played Mary Garth, the homely village girl who tries to warn everyone that Rosamund is no good. But Lydgate marries Rosamund, and soon loses everything. His medical practice, his professional integrity, and most of all his self-respect. Alan Alda could have played that role so perfectly, groveling, sniveling, weeping at the feet of the ice-cold blonde, who laughs with thrilling scorn and goes off to rut like a beast with Raffles, the genial con man, and Ladislaw, the wild-haired poet. They have a three-way while Lydgate dies in the madhouse, gibbering about new techniques and his brilliant future.

Yeah. That's the movie I wanted to see. Not this dreary pile of cabbage!