ONenslo

An entry in a very consistent series. The "Truck Rascals" movies are pure lowbrow entertainment products, meant to painlessly occupy an hour and three quarters of your time. You can expect them to contain destructive farcical brawls; the humiliation of bullies and law enforcement officers; road chases in which multiple police vehicles are crashed; travelogue sequences of local color, scenery and festivals; and moments of tearjerking sentimentality. The likeable but dimwitted protagonist Momojiro is a Holy Fool who will instantly fall for a woman way out of his class and attempt to impress her in ways which only embarrass him. Ultimately someone will have to drive a long way very rapidly to beat a specific time limit. There will be bizarre and surreal comedic instances, like someone being frozen solid or roasted whole like a turkey, at least one brief scene of female shirtlessness, and at some point someone will need to go to the bathroom real bad right now. This could serve as a standard description of any one of the series. This episode is enhanced by the appearance of Tomisaburo Wakayama as a reformed alcoholic whose broken family is restored by the efforts of Momojiro and his sidekick Jonathan, whose lusty wife and ten children make their accustomed appearance in the events. At this writing, more of these films than you would ever care to watch may be found by searching for Truck Yaro at the internet archive, and this is as good as any of them. If you need to be entertained in a slightly exotic manner without the inconvenience of having to follow a plot, this will do the trick.

"Django, Fearless Man" is the Turkish version of the Italian version of the Hollywood version of the Wild West. Turkey can pass for that eternal desert that is the movie West, and the old quarry looks the same in any land or film. What would the cheap adventure spectacle be without the old quarry to blow stuff up in? There is someone to avenge and bad guys to be shot and a villain in a skeleton costume. The costumes of the Mexican characters come off pretty well, but at their worst the cowboys seem to be wearing cheap Halloween costumes, and their hats are far too small. I don't even know what they were trying to do with the cowgirl outfit. Of course it is never convincing for a moment as a representation of anything that could ever really have happened in the American West or anywhere else except in wonderland of the International Cinema. Morricone themes are pirated indiscriminately in the soundtrack, and overall quality is not much worse than a poorer Monogram western. It can be sat through, and if this is your trip you will groove on it. If you have a reason to be looking this up at all, I salute you as a friend and a sibling, and wish you what pleasure you can get from viewing it. Not the worst thing I have ever seen. Viewable with English subs on Internet Archive.

What comes to mind when you see the words Belgian Nudie Western Comedy? Well, it's worse than that. My pick for the worst western comedy I have seen was Trinity's Three Fat Brothers until I saw this. That at least had a reasonably coherent plot and was nearly watchable - endurable anyway. This... even the word atrocity would be a compliment... this sad, incompetent, incoherent mistake of a film's least incompetent bits were taken from a mediocre Spanish masked-hero western, which itself must have been pretty poor viewing, but when that footage begins, suddenly flinging a whole new batch of characters in your face with no way of knowing who they are or what they are doing, it only makes the "story" more confusing. It's not a story, it's a premise. It goes nowhere, ever. It exists only to get naked chicks on the screen, but it is hard to imagine being so desperate for nudity that this could be interesting or enjoyable. Seeing half a dozen naked women should not make you feel sad, but this film accomplishes that feat. The fact that this movie survived at all is a minor tragedy, and it is so poorly made in every respect that the English dub, made with amateur actors doing creaky groaning character voices to disguise the fact that there are not enough of them to do the job right, does not even stay in sync with the video from one shot to the next. There is not point in trying to adjust it because it just changes back in the next scene. I despise the type of review that tells you "avoid at all cost." I never tell anyone not to watch a movie but with this thing, if you have any other option, take it. Sleeping, taking a walk, putting your sock drawer in order, cleaning the top of the refrigerator. If you really need to see for yourself just how poor, sad, incoherent and incompetent this production is, I wish you luck. It is a matter of personal honor to me not to review a film unless I have endured it all, but I made it halfway through this and have no desire or incentive to inflict more of it on myself. I rarely grant a one-star review to a film because I am almost always able to find some redeeming quality to a movie, some little bit of creativity, humor or ingenuity that keeps it from being 100% lousy and terrible, but not this time. The only positive thing I can say about it is, at least those poor naked girls got paid. Belgium does not stand out in one's mind as having a strong film industry, but I am certain that nothing worse than this ever came out of it. Badfilm fan, if you must try this you will find it a new low. You will have a new point of comparison for how shoddy and feeble, crappy and pathetic a movie can be. As far as nudies go, even a Doris Wishman film is more competently made than this. And that's saying something. Just remember I warned you.