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NoeValleyJeff

Joined May 2003
Welcome to the new profile
Our updates are still in development. While the previous version of the profile is no longer accessible, we're actively working on improvements, and some of the missing features will be returning soon! Stay tuned for their return. In the meantime, the Ratings Analysis is still available on our iOS and Android apps, found on the profile page. To view your Rating Distribution(s) by Year and Genre, please refer to our new Help guide.

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NoeValleyJeff's rating
Espion amateur

Espion amateur

5.8
5
  • Feb 15, 2004
  • Chan is missing, unfortunately

    Jackie Chan's greatest weakness in his movies is predictability: you know the good triumphs over evil, the good guys are easy to identify, Jackie drop-kicks some butt, and he takes time to save kids and babies (not to mention babes, who sometimes save him). You know that if he gets the girl, he doesn't get very far (PG all the way).

    In his best movies, this is his greatest strength, too: against the repeated backdrop of white and black hats, you're never quite sure how he's going to manage to clutch victory from the jaws of defeat. You know he's going to get cornered by 6 black hats with 18 weapons in some storage room...and somehow use whatever's stored there to do away with the evil-doers.

    Unfortunately, in the Accidental Spy, we're not kept guessing very long. The fight scenes are overly predictable (and, too often, the victim of a punch will start rolling their head back before they're punched). The plot is as unimportant to the Jackie Chan machine as usual, but, unlike other movies of his, the characters aren't memorable. The love-interest is lovely, but not interesting. The spy-who-coulda-have-loved-Jackie is relegated to making plot-digressing phone calls ("did you order a helicopter?").

    And it's too bad, because there's otherwise some good material here: drug kingpins and orphans, lost parents, competing spy agencies, and beautiful locations (especially those Istanbul and other parts of Turkey). It's too bad that his escape from a Turkish bathhouse is wasted in this movie (you try to confront a half-dozen apes with only your bath towel to save you...and then not even the towel).

    The dubbing doesn't help. Instead of offering the film in its original Chinese with subtitles (easily possible in this digital age), we're stuck with dubbing that sucks away what little life remains in these two-dimensional characters.

    I really like Chan's movies, but he could have phoned his performance in for this one. Chan, unfortunately, is missing from his own movie.
    Women vs. Men

    Women vs. Men

    5.2
    9
  • Nov 29, 2003
  • A fun and funny flick about relationships and real people.

    If you don't like relationship films, I won't get you started. Skip this and live a happier life.

    But, if you like movies about real people, this one's a winner. (Don't be confused by it's designation as a "comedy" -- you'll laugh, but it's not "funny, ha-ha." It's a humorous drama, a la "Diner" or "to Gillian on her 39th Birthday" -- if you didn't like those movies, you won't like this one.)

    The acting, writing, and direction work together to put you in the middle of a really bad day in the marriage of Michael (Mantegna) & Dana (Lahti). They've hit that point in a relationship where everything's great, but nothing's right anymore. They're about ready to break up because they can't figure out how to talk about their problems with each other... perhaps because neither is sure what those problems are.

    Unlike most movies where people are having trouble talking to each other, these folks really try. Dana talks to Brita (Headly) and Mike talks to Bruce (Resier). Even without the flashbacks, you can really feel that these people have been living in each other's lives for decades. Dana & Mike want to break their vicious cycle, but keep falling into their old patterns. They get angry, say (or do) the wrong thing (realizing how wrong it is) and back themselves into a corner.

    Throughout, they try to keep a sense of humor about it all. Mike & Bruce make each other laugh, as do Dana & Brita...and we're laughing with them.

    They're all smart and thoughtful and yet have trouble keeping their eye on the prize, maybe because they've forgotten that it takes work to make a relationship work, even (especially?) after 20 years.

    For a movie that takes place in just a single day and in so few sets, it's surprisingly open and light. Palminteri's direction is fantastic. He makes a scene where the boys head to a strip club seem intimate and quiet while a scene where a single male strips for the two girls seem raucous and rowdy.

    Palminteri gets the best performance I've seen out of Mantegna and the most intimate out of Reiser, so perhaps Palminteri remembers something about acting (even if he can't, in my opinion, act his way out of a paper bag). The women are equally amazing (Lahti and Headly showing they're more than just solid TV-series actors).

    Despite the trauma that these folks go through, you'll enjoy spending 90 minutes watching them watch their lives fall apart. And watching them pick up the pieces because they're still crazy (in love) after all these years.

    I rated this 9/10.
    The Yards

    The Yards

    6.4
    8
  • Nov 9, 2003
  • An underrated noir: slow, moody, surprising.

    One man's decision to turn around his life in a rush and another's rush to avoid having his life turned-around set the stage for this noir tragedy. We've seen these folks before in other movies, but we're still moved because we might have made worse choices still in their shoes.

    Leo (Wahlberg's character) returns from prison to a great welcome home. He just wants to become a productive citizen again. His cousin's Erika (Theron) is dating his best friend, Willie (Phoenix), who's working for her step-dad, Frank (Caan). Frank wants Leo to take the high road towards a new life, but Willie's encouraging the low...and what young man can resist such temptation?

    Although Leo, his Mom (Burstyn) and aunt (Dunaway), all want him to go straight, Leo can't see that Willie's way is more than a shade crooked. Before Leo gets a chance to really choose, Willie makes a choice that sends the families, the yards, and borough politics on a collision course. Each step along the way, folks make their prisoner's dilemma choices with disastrous results for all.

    The film is shot dark, evoking the barely colorized films of the 50s and 60s, but clearly takes place within the last decade. The noir mood is held by the high quality of the acting (I don't usually like Wahlberg, but for once he doesn't get in the way of his natural charm). Writer/Director James Gray keeps us in the mood, spending just enough time letting us glimpse the hard choices that everyone makes...and to see why they choose poorly over and over again.

    We want Leo to choose the clean life, but we can see why he doesn't (and why we might not in his shoes). We want Willie to walk away rather than act rashly, but we can see why he can't. We want Uncle Frank to do the right thing, but it's clear why he won't.

    It's too bad that Gray had to ruin the ending with a been-there-done-that Hollywood ending. Mind you: he's done a better job than other corruption-and-politics movies, but it still feels a bit like a cop-out (you should pardon the expression).

    Despite the ending, it's a great film. And you'll find yourself still thinking about Leo and company's choices for days afterward.

    I rated this 8/10.

    [If you don't like slow, moody, noirs, give this a pass.]
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