codfish

This one has it all. Not really, but who's to say wherein true art lies? Not here. I mean, this is 'Phantom Brother' we are talking about. The veritable 'Citizen Kane' of the worst and most horribly gut-wrenching, stomach-churning, revolting pieces of irredeemable garbage ever made, but hey, who's counting? Other than that, it's a laugh a minute, or at least every fifteen? My recent comments for this little gem were apparently neglected, so I am re-submitting in the hopes that the 'Phantom Brother' will get its fair share of user comment by-lines. I mean, c'mon, last time I checked, 'Blood-Sucking Freaks' had fifty-two! If you are the kind of weirdo that would enjoy such a treat as this 'film,' and I mean that in the best possible way, then this is the one for you. It's so low-budget and mindlessly numbing to the higher orders of brain functioning, that I find it to be a combination of watching Grandpa Ralph's shaky home movies of drunk old people and accidentally getting your head stuck in the portable meat smoker. I liked it so much I went out and bought it and now I watch it every day. Not really, but just imagine it? I went to the best schools of higher education to write comments about 'Phantom Brother' at midnight. Just imagine that? The most touching scene in the film takes place when the split-personality plagued main character (for the life of me I can't think of his name at the moment) shares a meal with his 'Deliverance' foster family in their trailer that could either be a chicken coop or a bomb shelter. It will bring tears to your eyes. Rarely has cinema been so powerful. The acting and dialogue are so good that you can't understand a word the hillbilly family is saying. You just don't see quality or realism like that these days.

Exceptionally horrible tale that I can barely put into words. The best part of the movie was when one of the murder victims turns up at the end, alive and well, only to be massacred again. There is the chance that I missed some crucial plot elements since I may have been in a slight coma during the time this baby was on. The box that the movie comes in shows scenes that are never even in the film. I was lured in by the crude images of bondage torture and promises of a 'Euro-trash, sexy horror flick.' I get the feeling this was the budget version and about one quarter of the film was left out. All the good stuff more than likely. I got the PG-13 addition that made about as much sense as the end to the new 'Planet of the Apes' movie. Watch this one with a friend and a bottle of the hard stuff. You'll need it.

Low-budget work of horror genius at its B-movie best. Hard to find, but worth tracking down. Semi-modern day story of human cannibals that use the legend of the Yeti to get fresh meat for their seven-year reunion gala. Featuring one of the all time great movie lines in "Mr. Henshaw, white meat or dark?" Worth it alone to see the oddball Spencer Sinclair being electrocuted in his bath tub after slashing his girlfriend's throat with a bread-cutting knife. She manages to hold on long enough to dump the toaster into the tub with him. Acting at its finest. Lawrence Olivier was never better.