Jim_E_Cornette
Joined Nov 2020
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Ratings271
Jim_E_Cornette's rating
Reviews32
Jim_E_Cornette's rating
Figures the mainstream media would go crazy over this one, considering that we're firmly within the Flop Era that seems to have no end in sight. But even I, in all my grand jadedness, expected something better than this.
But as soon as I got to the scene where "the chase begins" and saw there was less than 15 minutes left to the end I knew I would regret continuing to watch, since over half of that would be taken up by the credits.
Coppola's Dracula has the exact same runtime, but in it things "happened". And everything that happened had its place. The plot was cohesive and the storytelling never skipped a beat. Dracula himself was driven by love twisted by grief. Nosferatu is just a creep that never heard the word "no".
Nosferatu is nothing but wasted potential with the occasional flash of brilliance and too much mundanity. You can only stomach so much Lily Rose Depp over-acting before you say "ok give it a rest, girl".
Once you get past the gratuitous occasional nudity and shock gore value, it's just another generic "watch it once and forget about it straight afterwards" flick in a long line of flops.
But as soon as I got to the scene where "the chase begins" and saw there was less than 15 minutes left to the end I knew I would regret continuing to watch, since over half of that would be taken up by the credits.
Coppola's Dracula has the exact same runtime, but in it things "happened". And everything that happened had its place. The plot was cohesive and the storytelling never skipped a beat. Dracula himself was driven by love twisted by grief. Nosferatu is just a creep that never heard the word "no".
Nosferatu is nothing but wasted potential with the occasional flash of brilliance and too much mundanity. You can only stomach so much Lily Rose Depp over-acting before you say "ok give it a rest, girl".
Once you get past the gratuitous occasional nudity and shock gore value, it's just another generic "watch it once and forget about it straight afterwards" flick in a long line of flops.
Just eww. What I was hoping wasn't the case, was the case. Joe Locke was always by far the worst feature of the show and now he's become even more insufferable.
Like I said in my overall review, they should've stuck with Julian Hilliard who is growing up particularly fast and has a proven track record with the Horror genre. Instead of casting this cringy weakling.
This is made even worse by the fact that this was by far the shortest episode of the season so far. Considering it was meant to delve into Agatha's past and dark nature, you would've expected it to be gritty and gripping. Instead it felt like a badly produced high school drama project rushing to the finish as quickly as possible.
Really makes me regret the high rating I gave the show.
Like I said in my overall review, they should've stuck with Julian Hilliard who is growing up particularly fast and has a proven track record with the Horror genre. Instead of casting this cringy weakling.
This is made even worse by the fact that this was by far the shortest episode of the season so far. Considering it was meant to delve into Agatha's past and dark nature, you would've expected it to be gritty and gripping. Instead it felt like a badly produced high school drama project rushing to the finish as quickly as possible.
Really makes me regret the high rating I gave the show.
TL;DR: turn off your brain for 2 hours & pretend to be entertained.
I actually believed they would've pulled off somewhat of a masterpiece. But this was 2 hours of shameless, pitiful fan pandering with little to no focus to everything else that should matter to a so-called super-action flick. Story and combat.
It falls short on both. Plot is lame as hell, with the uber-predictable "save your universe from extinction at the hands of Skeletal Bald 5-foot Chick villain of the week at the 11th hour".
And when the narrative isn't blatantly sucking off Wolverine, it just serves a never-ending Exposition train & lame telegraphed one-liners about how bad Marvel has been doing, taken directly from Instagram comments of random people with 0 posts and private profiles.
The fight scenes are below par with far too much focus on close-quarters combat, which is probably due to their ages - Ryan is almost 50 and Hugh is nearing 60.
And the cameos. Well, I don't know Ryan's history with everyone else but the return of Wesley Snipes as Blade, considering the bad history between the 2, seems like a Pity Job designed to humiliate the man now that Wesley is in the movie that Ryan is in charge of, instead of the other way around. Making him smile like an idiot donkey at the end was far too obvious.
After all we all know how fake-nice guy Ryan treats those he doesn't like, made apparent by showing the famous Avengers 2012 action shot that gets cut off abruptly just before it shows Black Widow - Ryan's real-life ex who he heavily resented because she's a successful independent woman and he's an extremely insecure little man. Hence why he married a nobody after her, so he can be the star of the family.
Quite ironic seeing how it's fairly obvious Ryan's star is fading fast. Nothing he's done outside Deadpool in the last 10 years is ever mentioned. Which is perfectly reflected in DP3. A stale, unfunny nostalgia act. And if this is what it takes to gross over 1 billion at the box office in 2024...cinema is well and truly doomed.
Ryan's fragile ego might as well have left in the Captain Marvel & She-Hulk cameos because it's not like they would've made the movie any worse than it actually is. He managed that all on his own. I'm glad Marvel/Disney put their foot down and stonewalled him on releasing the bonus footage he wanted to show off to please his ego. Know your place, little man.
I actually believed they would've pulled off somewhat of a masterpiece. But this was 2 hours of shameless, pitiful fan pandering with little to no focus to everything else that should matter to a so-called super-action flick. Story and combat.
It falls short on both. Plot is lame as hell, with the uber-predictable "save your universe from extinction at the hands of Skeletal Bald 5-foot Chick villain of the week at the 11th hour".
And when the narrative isn't blatantly sucking off Wolverine, it just serves a never-ending Exposition train & lame telegraphed one-liners about how bad Marvel has been doing, taken directly from Instagram comments of random people with 0 posts and private profiles.
The fight scenes are below par with far too much focus on close-quarters combat, which is probably due to their ages - Ryan is almost 50 and Hugh is nearing 60.
And the cameos. Well, I don't know Ryan's history with everyone else but the return of Wesley Snipes as Blade, considering the bad history between the 2, seems like a Pity Job designed to humiliate the man now that Wesley is in the movie that Ryan is in charge of, instead of the other way around. Making him smile like an idiot donkey at the end was far too obvious.
After all we all know how fake-nice guy Ryan treats those he doesn't like, made apparent by showing the famous Avengers 2012 action shot that gets cut off abruptly just before it shows Black Widow - Ryan's real-life ex who he heavily resented because she's a successful independent woman and he's an extremely insecure little man. Hence why he married a nobody after her, so he can be the star of the family.
Quite ironic seeing how it's fairly obvious Ryan's star is fading fast. Nothing he's done outside Deadpool in the last 10 years is ever mentioned. Which is perfectly reflected in DP3. A stale, unfunny nostalgia act. And if this is what it takes to gross over 1 billion at the box office in 2024...cinema is well and truly doomed.
Ryan's fragile ego might as well have left in the Captain Marvel & She-Hulk cameos because it's not like they would've made the movie any worse than it actually is. He managed that all on his own. I'm glad Marvel/Disney put their foot down and stonewalled him on releasing the bonus footage he wanted to show off to please his ego. Know your place, little man.
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