veejayp
Joined Nov 2019
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Reviews14
veejayp's rating
I fell asleep in front of the TV and woke just now to find Alan Ladd shouting and charging around on horseback.
His armour seems to be both lightweight and waterproof because riding through a fast flowing river causes no problems. Not even his horse gets wet!
Our hero also wears a ridiculous helmet All The Time, even indoors in the presence of ladies and his liege lord, King Arthur. There's no practical reason for the helmet - he doesn't need a disguise - and it stops him sneaking up on enemies because the shadow gives him away every time.
Part of me wondered whether this was another ruse to disguise the actor's lack of *height?
*Ladd wasn't really all that short, 5 ft 6 inches, but not the Hollywood hero standard at that time.
Did you know human sacrifice was a thing in the days of King Arthur? Nor did I. Apparently required by a band of Vikings roaming around... The sacrifice is a very pretty blonde starlet, immaculately coiffed and manicured, screaming heartily despite being constrained by undergarments not known in the Middle Ages. As the late great TV critic Clive James once commented, "Maidenformed like an armadillo" 😂
Meanwhile in a castle turret, another staunchly corseted beauty, brunette Patricia Medina, is defending her virtue from a gigantic slave who resembles Aladdin's Genie. He's not painted blue because that would just be silly.
Battle scenes take place at "Stonehenge" - with cardboard rocks which wobble in every passing breeze - and a painted matte castle straight from Disneyland. (Fair enough, the film was made in the early 50s before CGI) Arrows and stones are thrown at Alan and his chums, galloping to King Arthur's rescue.
Extras clutch fake arrows to their chests and slump dramatically over the battlements.
Nobody shouts, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" which I think is a pity, it would have added a certain je ne sais quoi.
Villainous King Mark and his henchman Sir Palamides, plotting together against King Arthur, are played by Patrick Troughton and Peter Cushing. To their credit, both actors approach their roles as seriously as they would later play Doctor Who. (Not being sarky, they're both very good)
I enjoyed it very much. For all the wrong reasons 😂
His armour seems to be both lightweight and waterproof because riding through a fast flowing river causes no problems. Not even his horse gets wet!
Our hero also wears a ridiculous helmet All The Time, even indoors in the presence of ladies and his liege lord, King Arthur. There's no practical reason for the helmet - he doesn't need a disguise - and it stops him sneaking up on enemies because the shadow gives him away every time.
Part of me wondered whether this was another ruse to disguise the actor's lack of *height?
*Ladd wasn't really all that short, 5 ft 6 inches, but not the Hollywood hero standard at that time.
Did you know human sacrifice was a thing in the days of King Arthur? Nor did I. Apparently required by a band of Vikings roaming around... The sacrifice is a very pretty blonde starlet, immaculately coiffed and manicured, screaming heartily despite being constrained by undergarments not known in the Middle Ages. As the late great TV critic Clive James once commented, "Maidenformed like an armadillo" 😂
Meanwhile in a castle turret, another staunchly corseted beauty, brunette Patricia Medina, is defending her virtue from a gigantic slave who resembles Aladdin's Genie. He's not painted blue because that would just be silly.
Battle scenes take place at "Stonehenge" - with cardboard rocks which wobble in every passing breeze - and a painted matte castle straight from Disneyland. (Fair enough, the film was made in the early 50s before CGI) Arrows and stones are thrown at Alan and his chums, galloping to King Arthur's rescue.
Extras clutch fake arrows to their chests and slump dramatically over the battlements.
Nobody shouts, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" which I think is a pity, it would have added a certain je ne sais quoi.
Villainous King Mark and his henchman Sir Palamides, plotting together against King Arthur, are played by Patrick Troughton and Peter Cushing. To their credit, both actors approach their roles as seriously as they would later play Doctor Who. (Not being sarky, they're both very good)
I enjoyed it very much. For all the wrong reasons 😂