starburstjellybabies
Joined Sep 2002
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starburstjellybabies's rating
Writing this review I feel a little like the man who ate the passion fruit and complained of the pips. However, I've never left a cinema so full of anger and hatred in all my life and merely replaying this movie in my head for the benefit of this blurb causes bile to rise in my throat.
If I can prevent just one person from seeing this then I feel I'd have performed a valued service and will surely then be allowed access to the Holy Afterlife TM Even armed with the knowledge that Date Movie is written by two of the brainless goons who excreted Scary Movie you will still find yourself stunned by how utterly, mind numbingly, excruciatingly poor this film is. Confusing itself with a spoof it's forced to string together its random and oh-so-apt gags with what is essentially a sincere romance storyline. So the essence of what this film is spoofing is exactly what it relies on to lifeboat the audience from one poorly executed reference to another.
How on Gods earth they thought they could spoof a comedy (Meet The Fockers) keeps me awake at night. I have actually witnessed better executed satire on "The Amanda Show" And even as a fellow Australian, if I'd seen Sophie Monk's leathery, malnourished form, greased up and clutching the worlds most unappetizing burger you would had to have pried the ready cocked gun from my mouth.
Of course there are people who will think this movie is great and hilarious, however if you're over 14 my strong and forceful suggestion is; do not donate another cent toward this film. If you must, do so only so you can demand it back once the midget joke forces you from the theater.
If I can prevent just one person from seeing this then I feel I'd have performed a valued service and will surely then be allowed access to the Holy Afterlife TM Even armed with the knowledge that Date Movie is written by two of the brainless goons who excreted Scary Movie you will still find yourself stunned by how utterly, mind numbingly, excruciatingly poor this film is. Confusing itself with a spoof it's forced to string together its random and oh-so-apt gags with what is essentially a sincere romance storyline. So the essence of what this film is spoofing is exactly what it relies on to lifeboat the audience from one poorly executed reference to another.
How on Gods earth they thought they could spoof a comedy (Meet The Fockers) keeps me awake at night. I have actually witnessed better executed satire on "The Amanda Show" And even as a fellow Australian, if I'd seen Sophie Monk's leathery, malnourished form, greased up and clutching the worlds most unappetizing burger you would had to have pried the ready cocked gun from my mouth.
Of course there are people who will think this movie is great and hilarious, however if you're over 14 my strong and forceful suggestion is; do not donate another cent toward this film. If you must, do so only so you can demand it back once the midget joke forces you from the theater.
As the credits rolled at the end of this movie, I found myself unable to exhale through the open, horrified, gaping hole that was my mouth. What a pile of complete and utter rubbish.
At one point of the movie, a rich mafia-looking fellow opens his expensive shirt to reveal tribal scarification and what appear to be several superfluous nipples; all pierced, and pronounces he wants "them" (I'll assume he meant the audience) to experience true horror. Well..mission accomplished, I've never been so terrified. Terrified that someone went to the effort to press this to DVD, terrified that someone approved the script "Please Mister, you're scaring me!"(Even though I just saw you break someone neck, I seem only marginally frightened) TERRIFIED THAT I HANDED OVER MY PRESCIOUS MONEY TO BE SUBJECTED TO THIS SLUDGE! Scary, huh? In fact, this movie was bad in so many ways, I'm not going to able to list them all in the detail I would like, because you may expire from dehydration and hunger before you got to the end. Allow me to simplify in point form 1. The script. Welcome to confusion 3 minutes into the film. Who are these people? Why did four people who seem to hate each other drive away from the prom, and then keep driving? Why then did they complain there's nowhere to turn around on an unbarricaded country road? Why bother making character development when it serves only to confuse the storyline further? 2. The characters. Who cares if they die. Who cares why they kill. Why does the crazy tow truck guy have a hydraulic mechanical leg that works with any remote control? Why does leatherface suddenly want to be a woman? What's the goddamn deal with the slutty woman and the pizzas? 3. Run woman, run! How man times can you escape and be recaptured? How is it you can be in the middle of the woods one minute then be chased by leatherface the next? It suggests leatherface and his family communicate via mobile phone to inform each other of the whereabouts of potential victims. Mmmm, unexplained murders.
4. The conspiracy theory. Utterly pointless addition to the movie, suggesting that the crazy family of skin fetish, cross dressing, semi cyborg taxidermists are somehow at the whim of a secret organisation responsible for killing JFK and scaring girls on prom night.
As you can see, this movie explains none of its ridiculous actions, characters or general happenings. You're left with an hour and a half worth of questions! Please, I beg of you, ignore anyone who says this movie is half way decent. This film is BAD BAD BAD. 1/10.
At one point of the movie, a rich mafia-looking fellow opens his expensive shirt to reveal tribal scarification and what appear to be several superfluous nipples; all pierced, and pronounces he wants "them" (I'll assume he meant the audience) to experience true horror. Well..mission accomplished, I've never been so terrified. Terrified that someone went to the effort to press this to DVD, terrified that someone approved the script "Please Mister, you're scaring me!"(Even though I just saw you break someone neck, I seem only marginally frightened) TERRIFIED THAT I HANDED OVER MY PRESCIOUS MONEY TO BE SUBJECTED TO THIS SLUDGE! Scary, huh? In fact, this movie was bad in so many ways, I'm not going to able to list them all in the detail I would like, because you may expire from dehydration and hunger before you got to the end. Allow me to simplify in point form 1. The script. Welcome to confusion 3 minutes into the film. Who are these people? Why did four people who seem to hate each other drive away from the prom, and then keep driving? Why then did they complain there's nowhere to turn around on an unbarricaded country road? Why bother making character development when it serves only to confuse the storyline further? 2. The characters. Who cares if they die. Who cares why they kill. Why does the crazy tow truck guy have a hydraulic mechanical leg that works with any remote control? Why does leatherface suddenly want to be a woman? What's the goddamn deal with the slutty woman and the pizzas? 3. Run woman, run! How man times can you escape and be recaptured? How is it you can be in the middle of the woods one minute then be chased by leatherface the next? It suggests leatherface and his family communicate via mobile phone to inform each other of the whereabouts of potential victims. Mmmm, unexplained murders.
4. The conspiracy theory. Utterly pointless addition to the movie, suggesting that the crazy family of skin fetish, cross dressing, semi cyborg taxidermists are somehow at the whim of a secret organisation responsible for killing JFK and scaring girls on prom night.
As you can see, this movie explains none of its ridiculous actions, characters or general happenings. You're left with an hour and a half worth of questions! Please, I beg of you, ignore anyone who says this movie is half way decent. This film is BAD BAD BAD. 1/10.