KirkieRobRoy

Yes, Bob Cratchit is a frog (married to a pig) and Marley is two people but this version is still the closest of all the film versions to the text of Dickens' story and he would have loved it. The humour and verve are quite addictive but they don't ignore the serious message of the book or skirt its darker corners. Don' t be afraid to watch this if you're a Dickens purist - I am, too.

Michael Caine is as good a screen Scrooge as there's ever been - he said he tried to act with the Muppets as if he were acting with the RSC and that's how it comes across.

Funny, moving, lively, heartwarming and very, very true to the spirit of its source, this is a quite wonderful film. The Muppets are great, of course, but even so, this is so much more than just another Muppet movie.

A much underrated comedy detailing the collapse of a stern, disciplinarian headmaster during a chaotic journey to deliver a speech at a convention of snobbish educationists.

Cleese begins in a very restrained way and is watchable and funny as he gradually descends into anarchic despondency. The pathos as he finally delivers his speech, in an ill-fitting (stolen) tasteless outfit, surrounded by the detritus of his dreadful day, is genuinely moving as well as funny.

Best line, from Cleese, as yet another possible means of reaching his goal emerges: 'It's not the despair: I can cope with the despair. It's the HOPE - that's what's killing me.' Almost the perfect motto for Scotland football supporters, you might say.

Probably alone in the world, I rate this movie superior to the overly foul-mouthed and Americanised Fish Called Wanda. A host of grizzled British character actors, including the magnificent Alison Steadman, keep things going.

I wonder what happened to the sherry glasses?

Pity there's no Oscar for Corniest Dialogue. Think of 'I'm da kinga da world!', 'Jack, I'm flying!' and 'This is where we first met!'

The movie was carefully pitched: banal romance and Leo for 13-year old girls. The usual nods to the powerful Irish-American lobby, with British characters portrayed as unfeeling brutes. The cruel misrepresentation of First Officer Murdoch caused special anger here in Scotland. The impression was that the British had deliberately rammed the iceberg in order to drown the Irish steerage passengers. The Irish themselves were shown as lovable but empty-headed bumpkins jigging the night away in an Irish Theme Pub below decks. When disaster struck, they were completely helpless unless a Plucky, Resourceful American was available to save them.

To appeal to those middle-American teens and twentysomethings who feel uncomfortable if a movie isn't set in High School USA, Rose and Jack (characters from Saved by the Bell in period disguise) consummate their passion in the back of the only car for thousands of miles. So much for imagination: they had a whole ship to choose from, after all.

After I saw the film, the foyer was packed with weeping teens. I knew how they felt. (Why has DiCaprio chosen to name himself after a Ninja Turtle? Couldn't he pick something more up-to-date? Like a Teletubby? How about Dipsy DiCaprio?)

With the ship and the male lead both at the bottom of the Atlantic, how can James Cameron wangle a sequel?. Wait: in Lusitania, Rose (Kate Winslet) returns to England. During the journey, her rubber ring bursts and she is left floundering in the swimming pool. Luckily, she is rescued by the cabin boy. At first, she thinks she has been rescued by Jack. In fact, by an amazing coincidence, it's Jack's long-lost twin brother, Jim (Dipsy DiCaprio). They fall in love. The ship is torpedoed and sinks. Cue special effects.

Of course, the Lusitania was sunk by a German submarine, but I'm sure Cameron could find a way to make the British the villains, the Irish the helpless victims, and the wisecracking Americans the heroes.