flatrich

I remember a horrible "3D" movie in the 1960s named The Bubble (1966). It starred the guy who played Pete in Mod Squad (the 60s TV series.) The Bubble (1966) was written and directed by Arch Oboler, who was famous in 30s and 40s as a radio writer/director and for a film named Five (1951), which was an early post-apocalyptic thriller.

I went to see The Bubble with friends and when we came out of the theater and uncrossed our eyes, we agreed it was possibly the worst film of all time. (In retrospect, it looked like SCTV doing a 3D movie satire. Stuff on wires swinging in and out of the camera, etc. The Bubble (1966) in 3D made Ed Wood's movies look like, well, serious cinema.)

So, I saw this film The Bubble listed on Netflix last week and I thought: oh, no! They remade The Bubble! (No such luck.)

The Bubble (2022) is worse than The Bubble (1966). Karen Gillan, David Duchovny and Fred Armisen and a bevy of familiar actors are signed to make the sixth sequel in an action franchise during the COVID pandemic. They are filming in what the film industry may or may not actually call a "bubble" to keep casts and crews from coming down with COVID. (May or may not because I have no idea.) The plot, if you can call a plot about a movie about actors trapped making a bad movie in a pandemic a plot, is basically unintelligible nonsense with snippets of stereotypical big action movie special effects.

The Bubble (2022) has a few moments of humor (it is, after all, supposed to be a comedy), but not enough of them to justify over 2 hours of screen time.

A seven-minute Saturday Night Live skit, maybe. But only because SCTV isn't around anymore. I got through it by watching it in 30-minute increments, hoping for a big and glorious finish.

Nope. Didn't happen.

Two pity stars go to the actors stuck with The Bubble (2022) on their résumés. I like actors.

Not for want of trying to be a mystery but this one fails in the casting. Glenn Close (Lady Edith) and Terence Stamp (Chief Inspector Tavener) steal it from a weak lead by Max Irons. Irons reminds one of a young Treat Williams minus Williams comedic flair. (Where is Cary Grant when you need him?) The entire story could have been effectively centered on Honor Kneafsay (Josephine) but instead it's just a rambling old house populated with the usual Christie characters played by a cast of good actors with little to do. Who killed Grandpa? Who cares, really?

Read the Parker novels (over two dozen out there) and forget this movie. It's based on one of them and steals some bits from others and it's not horrible, but it's not Parker. I blame the casting. Statham is okay, but he's British and Parker is definitely not. Parker is an American career criminal. A professional thief. Very American. Statham plays him more like James Bond. Jennifer Lopez is a good enough actress but her character in this one is actually (in the book) more like the actress playing her mousy blonde friend at the real estate office. And Claire, Parker's woman friend, is a tough "moll" in the books, not the "frail" in this movie. When I read (Donald E. Westlake aka) Richard Stark's Parker books, Parker is Humphrey Bogart and Claire is Lauren Bacall. Yes, they're both unavailable to make Parker films nowadays, but so is Donald E. Westlake and the last Parker novel was written in 2008, just before his death. The first was written in 1963 and Parker is very much a guy from the past. Read and enjoy the books.