Acetylcholine

But to say that degrades Conan the Barbarian, which is a world of slut-goddesses and pagan idols of gore and bloodshed. But It's pretty clear early on that this is not a movie capable of that level of intelligence. The Scorpion King does have a a cheap kind of fun(like both Mummy's), but at the same time is so vapid, obvious, styleless, near thoughtless, inconsequential, and derivative that it only wanders away from the action/adventure cookie-cutter to make jokes in the 'Indiana shoots the swordsman' way. Acting would be less hollow if it were performed by a print mold. But i did learn some things:

Metallic blades are very sharp and loud(*shling*), humans sound very juicy. It's fun to carry around human heads to prove points in conversation. Nipples magnetically cling to human hair and clothing. Repeating jingles makes it ok when your friends die. No such thing as an ugly woman in Barbaria. Even nomad mercenaries need blithering wisecrackers and zany inventors as sidekicks. "Why is The Rock willing to die to kill the seethy villian? He killed who? Oh, I forgot about him.." Women will kick you.. you know where. Only virgins have special powers.

I've seen too many movies where a kid can disembowel someone and a second after look so "Aww don't you just wanna squeeze him and wobble his head he's so cute." This movie is almost as bad as Wild Wild West.

But to say that degrades Conan the Barbarian, which is a world with slut-goddesses and pagan idols of gore and bloodshed. But It's pretty clear early on that this is not a movie capable of that level of intelligence. The Scorpion King is so vapid, obvious, styleless, thoughtless, inconsequential, and derivative that it only wanders away from the action/adventure cookie-cutter to make jokes in the 'Indiana shoots the swordsman' kind. Acting would be less hollow if it were performed by a print mold. But i did learn some things:

Metallic blades are very sharp and loud(*shling*), humans sound very juicy. It's fun to carry around human heads to prove points in conversation. Nipples magnetically cling to human hair and clothing. Repeating jingles makes it ok when your friends die. No such thing as an ugly woman in Barbaria. Even nomad mercenaries need blithering smart asses and zany inventors as sidekicks. "Why is The Rock willing to die to kill the seethy villain? He killed who? Oh, I forgot about him.." Women will kick you.. you know where. Only virgins have special powers.

I've seen too many movies where a kid can disembowel someone and a second after look so "Aww don't you just wanna squeeze him and wobble his head he's so cute." This movie is as bad as Wild Wild West.

This movie shows its true intentions when Bob(David Duchovny) arrives home after his wife's death. His tuxedo shirt is covered with her blood, splattered on him like action painting!! The movie is covered with these insane details and contrivances. Grace works at a Irish/Italian resturant! Businessman with cream cheese mustaches and Bob and Grace's screamingly obnoxious blind dates. Potty mouthed children and old, kind hearted, wise looking grandfathers, who speak nothing but banalities. The 6,8, marked cooking bibs. And don't miss how so many beer bottles and cell phones are placed near and point away from (David Duchovny)'s special place. But whatever you do, don't let the profound symbolism of the caged gorilla fly over your head. The gorilla is truely the symbolic heart of the movie. Well, asides from the still beating heart of Bob's dead wife. Don't let the movie's title, so sentimental, irrelevant, and cliche, mislead you. Don't let the blended volume of dialogue and background noise make you think its incompetent. Definitely don't let its formula and shallowness make you think its idiotic. The movie is so absurdly contrived that it has to be either a huge joke or a god awful mess. I saw the former, This movie was made to be made fun of, or at least to enjoy the sillyness.