UncleBobMartin

Scmoeller's first film was "Tourist Trap," a bit of hackwork for producer Charlie Band, starring Chuck "The Rifleman" Connors, made in 1978.

Over the last 30 years, the only seconds of Schmoeller film I have seen that have not been a total waste of my time, are the few minutes Kinski spent on-screen in the course of "Crawlspace." Schmoeller has no gift for directing actors, as clearly demonstrated by any of his films. That the abundantly talented Kinski should resent that his gift would be filtered through Schmoeller's myopic directorial vision is no surprise.

That Schmoeller should elect to assassinate Kinski 8 years after his death, and 13 years after making "Crawlspace," is unfathomable, except as an act of Lilliputian spite against an artistic giant. Perhaps the filmmaker realized that his films without Kinski were monumentally uninteresting. hence this vanity piece as an attempt to jump-start his stalled career.

Herzog had no less difficulty with Kinski. But he was always grateful for the opportunity to capture Kinski's living fire on film. Schmoeller seems oblivious to this gift.

Here, Schmoeller comes off as a raging queen -- not that it matters whether he is gay, but he seems totally unaware that he comes off as a stereotype that even most gays find annoying. Perhaps this lack of self-awareness is a key to what he lacks as a filmmaker?

Seeing any Jim Wynorski film without advance warning of what a tasteless and untalented hack he is, is the cinematic equivalent of finding that your lapdog has suddenly been taken by a extended fit of explosive, malodorous diarrhea. Before viewing any Wynorski film, view a list of his extensive credits; if you've seen a single one of his films, you will know the cheated feeling that every viewer of his films knows. If you never saw any of them, thank whatever god you worship that you managed to dodge 70 bullets (actually if you also count his writing and/or producing credits, there's some 150 sh*tbombs he's to be blamed for).

If you've escaped this potentially fatal fusillade, do not defy this run of great luck by viewing any of them. Life is too brief. Professionally, I was required to view several of Wynorski's earliest works, and I blame this traumatic experience for ending my career in show biz.

Traci Lords gave much better performances in any of her earlier films, all of which had better scripts, direction and production values than this steaming load.

"The Ultimate Ultimate Challenge" was only the working title for a never-completed pilot; the intended title for the show was "American Cannibal."

The show was not completed, partly due to the accidental injury of one of the contestants. A documentary regarding the entire ill-conceived debacle was released in 2007; "American Cannibal: the Road to Reality."

The documentary is very successful in delineating the moral bankruptcy behind "reality" TV, and draws some interesting parallels to its first cousin, porn.

Since the show was never completed, this listing is likely to disappear from IMDb at any time. C'est la vie.