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Like most made for tv movies, this potentially moving film about the plight of a very brave disabled little girl is hi-jacked by a script that always sticks to the obvious, dialogue which is painful in its banality and a patronising, simplistic attitude to the issues that it raises. If this film got advice from doctors specialising in this condition behind the scenes it certainly doesn't show, she might as well be Dustin Hoffman from Rain Man for all the film tells us about her. Also for my money the narrator who is assigned in the film to "voice" her thoughts is an extremely insulting touch, how on earth can she think up more wisecracks than Mikey from "Look Who's Talking" when we already know she has the maturity of a 2 year old?! I could go on about the sexist undercurrent running through the film which paints every man as a child-beating loser or an uneducated dope, not to mention the pathetic ending which cheats by giving us hope only to throw it back in our faces, but I think I've made my point. Fact is, TV movies aren't exactly an art form and if you're looking for authenticity and the truth about sufferers of this terrible genetic disease and the effect that it has on the people around them, you'd be much better off down the library doing research then subjecting yourself to the tabloid treatment that this film reduces it to.

Despite its massive box office loss, this is actually quite a fun little film. Sure, it could possibly be lambasted for being a vanity project from its director (after all, he did let his then wife of the time take the leading role and let the film go massively over-budget) but the action sequences are exciting and plentiful, the sword fights are well-directed and choreographed and the whole cast seems to be having a whale of a time and it has to be said their enthusiasm is catchy. Unfortunately nowadays, kids these days don't seem to have the patience for a good old-fashioned swashbuckler which is a real shame, because in my estimation Cutthroat Island has over 10 times as many fights that are at least 100 times more exciting than anything you'll find in mainstream sci-fi pap like "The Phantom Menace." Besides, what looks better, blasting someone in the stomach to end their life immediately or clashing swords with your opponent, elegantly hacking them up a piece at a time with a touch of class? I know which one I'd take anytime. Anyway, Cutthroat Island is a throwback to the glory days of Errol Flynn and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and as a both an adventure and pirate movie, it largely succeeds. Go see it now though, because I have the feeling its the last in its genre we'll see for a while...

The main problem with this film is it tries so hard to offend that everything else (plot, character, good dialogue) gets thrown out of the window. The graphic scenes of sex and violence wouldn't really worry me too much if they were relevant to the plot but alas, the initially intriguing sci-fi premise is soon ditched in favour of a "let's see which one of us can do the sickest and most disturbing scene in the film" between the animators. Such a shame, if they actually put a bit of effort into developing the plot and less time testing the audiences morality then we might have something interesting here. Oh yeah, and what was the point in dubbing all the original Japanese voicework with completely out of place American accents? (which have to be squeaky of course, to suit the films Tokyo setting.) Couldn't they just have kept the film the way it was and added sub-titles at the end? Oh sorry I forgot, the studio thinks the average Yank doesn't have the patience to read them AND watch the film at the same time... Cheers for that vote of confidence there, dudes. In conclusion, this film is like that foul-mouthed child you stick in the corner for using bad-language: They try to get your attention by trying to shock you as much as possible, but really all they succeed in doing is make you realize just how sad and desperate they are.