31

As so many others, I too was excited about "31" and could not wait to finally watch it. Maybe it was that high expectations, that was part of my disappointment, but I am not willed to explain everything that was wrong in the movie with that premise.

I have to say, before I write about the movie itself, that I never shared the opinion of those, who see Rob Zombie basically as the horror messiah, who will reinvent the genre. He basically had 2 good movies (Devil's Rejects, Halloween), all other movies were pretty bad. House of 1000 Corpses was a ridiculously bad B-movie, Halloween 2 was bad even for a film school student, and those few parts that were good in Lords of Salem were copied from other movies. First Halloween reboot was only good, because he had a rich franchise with tons of information to build on.

He gets the look every time, I'll give him that, and I won't even make fun about how a grown up man calls himself "Zombie", but the content of his movies is a major letdown every single time. I'd never thought to say this, but in terms of innovative horror movies, I prefer Eli Roth before Zombie every day.

Rob is an awesome musician, and yes, maybe even a good director. But he is an horrible screenplay writer with no idea how to develop characters and dialogues. No wonder, all characters in "31" are superficial clichés with no debt, talking horrible stupid stuff, that is meant to sound smart. The "Doomhead" being so obviously being a Heath Ledger's Joker tribute just confirms that. Basically the most interesting character in the movie is a (bad) rip-off. And did he really need the slo-mo clap? That was so bad, I was close to turn off the TV.

Also,he really should stop to cast his wife for every female lead. If not married to him, she would never have become an actress, at least not in a main role. I don't care if she is hot (I by the way don't think so, she is SO skinny and looks old for her age), I care about acting skills.

Maybe, if Rob could direct a movie with a screenplay written by an experienced and talented writer...? But this way, letting him do whatever he wants, we get movies like "31".

So, the protagonists get abducted and sent into an Arena, to fight to death with some clowns with freaky names (Doomhead, Deathhead, Bashhead, and so on...). That's pretty much all, no more exposition or plot details. Why? No idea, and the movie does not care about explaining anything - being sick is basically it's only excuse and motivation. "Why do they do this?" "Because they have sick minds". "Aha. And why does Doomhead what he does? Does he get paid BIG time?" "Ah, he is sich minded". "What is special about Doomhead at all? To me does not look any more dangerous than the rest of the freaks?" "Ah, he is even sicker as them". And so on. A few freaky characters get shown, some people die, mainly by blade weapons, until an, in my opinion, pretty stupid ending.

Okay, there is some gore in the movie, which I appreciated. I did like the characters, even if superficial - but this made the movie even worse, because you are interested - but don't get any answers or backgrounds.

I also liked the Soundtrack a lot, I love all this 60s and 70s music, and it blended in nicely.

But the overall execution was just bad - ridiculous fighting choreographies, that gave me the impression, everything in this movie was filmed by first take (maybe they wanted to proudly say that they shot the movie in 31 days or something like this), especially the text passages of Sheri Moon Zombies. Man, stop letting her talk - no expression, no motivation, no acting. At all.

So, what can I say? I give 4/10, 4 points for having interesting characters (who never get developed in any way), a good soundtrack, some gore and a good colour correction).

But can I recommend this? Gosh, no, I cannot.

I have still hope for Rob Zombie, and I will see his next movie. But if this will be bad again, I am out of the Zombie business, because by then he will have delivered 3 bad movies in a row - in my world more than enough to lose my respect permanently.

Sorry, Zombie fans - I know you have another opinion and will probably flame me, but this is my personal view. In my eyes, "31" is a disappointing letdown. There could have been so much more, this could have been such a good movie. But for that another director or at least screenplay writer would have been necessary.

Maybe next time.

Let me just say I like RZ. House of 1k Corpses is great, and The Devil's Rejects is one of my all time favorite films, hands down.

What we have in "31" is an attempt to mash together aspects of TDR and his Halloween remake and the result is a confusing, lackluster ride you've already been on.

The problem is you don't feel for any of the characters. There is not one likable character, sans Doom-Head, who is nearly the only bright spot in this movie. Sherry, was better in this film than in past RZ movies, but that isn't saying much.

Another issue I had was how this was hyped up as maniacs dressed up as clowns, which is great, clowns are creepy right? The concept art for the characters especially Sick-Head and Death-Head were amazing. What we got on screen were absolute jokes compared to what we should have gotten. The all but did away with the clown gimmick especially if you look at the concept art.

The opening scene is by far the best in the movie, and honestly one of the best scenes RZ has ever directed. But don't let it fool you, the rest of the movie goes downhill from there.

As you can expect from a RZ movie, it's got that dirty 70's feel, every other line of dialogue is profanity, more so than usual actually, the setting is run of the mill for RZ, and while I could go on, if you have seen a RZ film, than you have already seen a better version of this film.

The score and soundtrack however are delightful in an otherwise grim movie. RZ needs to get back to basics and let someone help him write his scripts. He's got talent and a good eye, but his dialogue is way too over the top and downright cliché at this point. It takes you out of the movie.

I dig Rob Zombie films. Devils Rejects, the Halloween reboots, Lords of Salem…all personal favorites. So much so that I contributed $150 to the crowd funding of 31. It was promised to be the movie RZ wanted to make as well as the movie he thought his fans wanted to see - an unapologetic and uncompromising slaughter-fest. Well, I finally watched 31 last night and unfortunately it does compromise and it isn't even much of a slaughter-fest. It's simply another "we-kidnapped-some-innocent-people-for-the-purpose-of-torturing-them" retread. And not a very good one at that. I'm bummed.

There are certainly moments that make 31 worth watching. But those moments just aren't enough to make it a good movie. Much of the criticism of 31 has been directed at the lack of character development. My comment to that is "who cares?". This is a movie where I wanted to sink into my seat and cover my eyes due to the extreme and unrelenting gore. I wanted to feel like I did when I first saw Dawn of The Dead in theaters in 1980 - unable to look, but unable to look away…utterly horrified by images I'd never seen before…walking out exhilarated, out of breath, and laughing at myself for being so freaked out by a movie. If anyone could do it, Rob could.

Alas, most of 31 is just another quick-cut, shaky-cam exercise that does manage to force the viewer to look away - just not out of disgust, but to keep from getting a headache from the excessively annoying hand-held shots and machine-gun editing. More often than not, you can't even tell what's going on in the action scenes. There are lots of half second images of blood- soaked faces, and blood-soaked clothing, and blood-soaked weapons…but we can't tell who's getting chopped up and who's doing the chopping.

31 opens with a monologue from villainous clown Doom Head. It's a great scene that draws you in. The idea that he was, of course, going to show up again by the end of the film was the only thing that kept me from walking out. He does show up in the final 15 minutes, but it's too little, too late. It was already to the point where I couldn't care less what happened to these people and I knew however the inevitable deaths were played out wasn't going to be anything interesting or inventive. I was right. In between the opening and closing Doom Head bookends there is absolutely nothing of interest. A little unsuccessful character development…silly villains that are far too easy for our heroes to kill…pompous ringmasters that add nothing and could have been cut out completely…it all made me want my $150 back.

I assume there will be an unrated version somewhere down the line that I'll watch and re- evaluate, but I can't imagine it saving this waste of fake blood and Malcolm McDowells talent. If you want to see an interesting, scary clown movie try 2014's Clown (he eats children!) …if you want gut-wrenching gore watch the Evil Dead remake again. The only reason to see 31 is it's an RZ flick and to be properly schooled in modern horror you need to see all RZ offerings - at least for now. A few more throwaways like this and Rob will just be another straight to Netflix hack director.

I'll start by saying this, I know there are some that will claim "He wasn't going for a traditional scary movie. People that don't like it just don't understand his perspective." I'm sure that in all of the conversations they had with Mr. Zombie these points were covered and clearly they have a much better understanding than anyone else. This review is for those that have been excited about seeing this because Rob Zombie's pieces in the past have had that intense shock factor and were delivered very well. Unfortunately, this one does not. It is kind of sadistic and if you put yourself in the position of one of these actors you can imagine it would probably be terrifying. Then again, you wouldn't use poorly scripted cheesy lines and engage in badly choreographed fights. Personally, I have been looking forward to this film since I first heard about it last year and have kept myself up on the release date so as soon as it was available I could treat myself to it. I couldn't have been more disappointed. I thoroughly enjoyed his other films and would watch another if he made it. I realize fanatic Zombie lovers will disagree with me when I say this but for every one that like it there will be several that don't. I can't decide which was worse: the ending or the overall acting. I must give credit where credit is due, the intro is entertaining and you will probably enjoy Doom Head (the guy in the opening scene). Again unfortunately, he is in the movie all of about 10 minutes non-consecutively. Had the movie centered around him and a twisted hunting obsession perhaps I would be writing a very different review. The acting is over-the-top and awful. Not in the same way that some movies are so bad they're good (like Zombeavers or Axe Giant) but more like super low budget projects filmed on an iPhone. For a movie that has reasonably good quality in most scenes I was so let down to see the acting was so unrefined. It probably could have been worse, I'm just not sure how.

Here are a couple of things that must have gone through Rob Zombie's mind whilst shooting 31: "Who needs a plot when you got a psychopathic Nazi-midget?", "Who gives a damn about plausibility when you have Malcolm McDowell himself dressed up like a French Aristocrat and depicting a character that is named Father Murder?" and "Why would I make ambitious when the crowd simply wants sadistic & graphic violence?" And you know what? If Rob Zombie really was thinking these things, he was damn right! Personally, I'm an enormous fan of Zombie's "House of 1,000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects" and I remotely enjoyed his remake of "Halloween", even though the critics were quite harsh about it. But then he suddenly went psychedelic and experimental with "Halloween II" and "The Lords of Salem" and many fans – yours truly included – were disappointed. I, for one, was extremely happy to read that, with "31", Rob Zombie would return to the basics of crude and repulsive horror/shlock cinema! Because, after all, the revival of 70s grindhouse/drive-in exploitation cinema was largely the deed of Rob Zombie and not of Quentin Tarantino! So, "31" actually doesn't a have a real plot but is a mixture of homages to genre classics (for example "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre") and borrowed ideas of cult classics ("The Most Dangerous Game", "The Running Man"…)

A ramshackle old RV full of traveling circus artists/carnies is driving through the middle of redneck nowhere on Halloween's day 1976, and pretty much all they ever do is foul-mouthing and fornicating. When night falls, however, they notice the road is blocked with immense scarecrows. Before they properly realize what's going on, the RV and all its passengers are brutally attacked by mysterious creeps and three people are killed instantly. The remaining five survivors, two women and three men, awake tied up and chained in an abandoned factory where three elderly lunatics dressed up as French Aristocrats joyfully inform them that they are the players in this year's traditional game of 31. They are released in a dark and creepy labyrinth and have to survive for twelve hours while being chased by some of the most demented sickos ever caught on film, including a Spanish babbling Nazi-midget, clown siblings with chainsaws and deranged German sex deviants. The group defend themselves quite well, though, and thus the crazy tormentors bring in their ultimate secret weapon, the unbeatable master-psycho Doom-Head!

There isn't really too much to write about Rob Zombie's latest film, in fact. Either you're a fan of extreme and relentless violence and "31" is a must-see for you, or you'll completely detest the film for its lack of plot, character background, style or overall lack of taste. If even writer/director Zombie himself repeatedly stated that this is his most brutal movie to date, there isn't any reason to not believe him. "31" features numerous scenes in which people's heads are smashed in with a bludgeon, torsos are cut in half by chainsaws and throats are slit with rusty knives. Still, I can't help mentioning that most of this gruesome stuff also featured in "House of 1,000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects", but those two were suspenseful and haunting on top! "31" is sheer mindless horror entertainment but it won't leave a long-lasting impression. As usual, Rob Zombie surrounds himself with a cast that he worked well with before, including his own wife Sheri Moon, Meg Foster, Jeff Daniel Philips and many other familiar faces. The soundtrack is terrific as well, which is another Rob Zombie trademark, and features for example the beautiful song "California Dreaming" during a rare quiet and peaceful scene.