Your one stop chop and slop
If you like terrible movies, this is an elegant masterpiece on par with the 2016 presidential race. Perhaps they couldn't have done it without them.
I first infected my television and my dear girlfriend's mind when we were looking for something to watch, anything. We opened the preview and although skeptical, I was intrigued. We gave it a shot, just jumped on in there with cold coffee and no popcorn at all. Had I known the ride I was in for, I would have done it all differently by repeatedly bashing my head into the front door until the brain trauma had finally leaked in.
The outright rudeness of the opening characters was splendid. It seemed that at every turn, any individual might walk in off the street with a raging case of hemorrhoids and sit on a gallon of fresh vanilla ice cream like it was no big deal to absolutely no reaction of the cast of background mutes.
I wondered to myself, what kind of town is this? Intrigued further, I continued to watch. I knew what I was in for, but I was completely unaware that some people have a completely different interpretation of a super power than the rest of the world, and some of these people have begun to infiltrate some of my favorite film genres. But can you blame me for continuing? I was thrown off my guard. I haven't seen movie making this bad since Kurt Russell wore and eye patch and Dolph Lundgren had baby smooth skin.
To be fair, When a movie opens up with forgettable 80's street thugs dressed all cloak and dagger like in Walmart shopping outfits pulling pranks on the local diner's lifer waitress, you just get pulled in somehow. It wasn't too long before I reasoned that this movie was clearly a joke and nothing more.
Now, if for some reason, you went the full mile like me and mine, I do recommend pulling out the sweaters as suggested by dbh850, because you are in for the flat tire of your life. I was shocked by the terrible service you get at the grocery store when your card is shut down, the overwhelming cunning of the local sheriff, and I may forever wonder just how many envelopes Sam Abram carries with him into church. Tireless hours were spent on thinking of the most immediate and abrasive reaction one might have to anything that put them at any sort of disadvantage or just simply didn't work out the way they were supposed to.
I for one am glad that I won't get this hour of my life back, because it was bound to happen, and I am grateful I will never have to relive the experience of seeing this movie again. Not an ounce of curiosity was left unspent, and I will sleep soundly knowing I have finally seen the worst movie possible. Putting it at the top of my list of poovies.
I first infected my television and my dear girlfriend's mind when we were looking for something to watch, anything. We opened the preview and although skeptical, I was intrigued. We gave it a shot, just jumped on in there with cold coffee and no popcorn at all. Had I known the ride I was in for, I would have done it all differently by repeatedly bashing my head into the front door until the brain trauma had finally leaked in.
The outright rudeness of the opening characters was splendid. It seemed that at every turn, any individual might walk in off the street with a raging case of hemorrhoids and sit on a gallon of fresh vanilla ice cream like it was no big deal to absolutely no reaction of the cast of background mutes.
I wondered to myself, what kind of town is this? Intrigued further, I continued to watch. I knew what I was in for, but I was completely unaware that some people have a completely different interpretation of a super power than the rest of the world, and some of these people have begun to infiltrate some of my favorite film genres. But can you blame me for continuing? I was thrown off my guard. I haven't seen movie making this bad since Kurt Russell wore and eye patch and Dolph Lundgren had baby smooth skin.
To be fair, When a movie opens up with forgettable 80's street thugs dressed all cloak and dagger like in Walmart shopping outfits pulling pranks on the local diner's lifer waitress, you just get pulled in somehow. It wasn't too long before I reasoned that this movie was clearly a joke and nothing more.
Now, if for some reason, you went the full mile like me and mine, I do recommend pulling out the sweaters as suggested by dbh850, because you are in for the flat tire of your life. I was shocked by the terrible service you get at the grocery store when your card is shut down, the overwhelming cunning of the local sheriff, and I may forever wonder just how many envelopes Sam Abram carries with him into church. Tireless hours were spent on thinking of the most immediate and abrasive reaction one might have to anything that put them at any sort of disadvantage or just simply didn't work out the way they were supposed to.
I for one am glad that I won't get this hour of my life back, because it was bound to happen, and I am grateful I will never have to relive the experience of seeing this movie again. Not an ounce of curiosity was left unspent, and I will sleep soundly knowing I have finally seen the worst movie possible. Putting it at the top of my list of poovies.
- blindst
- Nov 25, 2016